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Dec 17, 2011

it is so frustrating that i can't make some additions on my page or change things there! i know they're working on it and i very much appreciate the email. for once in this life, it was NOT me or the computer.

having some issues. it's holiday time, go figure. no money. social security disability has not reimbursed the money they have taken and are taking out of my check for the simple reason someone did not do his job in the first place. i say his  cause it is him who screwed up months ago. and hearing don't worry they'll get it to you does not help one iota. aaaannnddd, ug, big family event for christmas. just our bunch of about 16 i think. but that's more than enough to set off panic attack just thinking about being there, much less being there. all the feelings rolling around in the air is so too hard to handle. and i hate the feeling that there is never enough even the times there is enough. but i do NOT want to miss it either.  my old lawyer for the work comp stuff thought it odd i had anxiety attacks in public, home alone, or in public places. he wasn't judgemental because he had them too, just mostly about money issues he had had in his life. he had said he went to the hospital often when starting his practice. said the ER called him their frequent flier patient. i only was to the hospital once because it  came on so quick and so hard i though i was dying.

don't know if story or poetry will appear, but here goes a try.

with a profound sense of grace,

she stepped into that place,

where wheat was gold

and goats were sold,

and no one knew her face.

she blended in quite literally

as if she wasn't there.

and no one noticed this quiet girl

with the smile on her face.

she had just come here to

check things out

and wandered gracelessly.

cause in this place 

of time and space

was not quite of her own.

an angel sent from GOD above

for mankind yet to see

this angel of grace

here in this space

had never meant to be.

a man walked by

and shook his head

and never looked her way.

and yet she saw a willow's face

in this man so tall.

who never looked

and never cared

and angel he had with he.

nor did he know

that in the flow

his life had been bestowed.

her face still covered by

her clothing, nothing

for anyone to see.

and still she walked

amongst the men

who knew not she was there.

there stood a man

dealing with another man,

a bird upon his shoulder,

yet neither man did see

the angel as she glanced at them

as she passed so quietly.

the bird did see

and when he saw

he bowed his head in grace.

and when he did

a deer did fall,

kneeling on the ground.

then a pig, a goat, and all the rest

new they had been much blessed

to see this angel of much grace.

her face now cleared of all she wore

a smile bright as LIGHT,

lit up beyond the heavens

had anyone bothered to see.

but the men's eyes were busy

with selling of their wares

and so they missed

the sweetest bliss

of the angel walking by.

she traveled back to heaven,

as is what was meant to be,

and told the LORD of all she saw

as she sat beside HIS knee.

a smile perched upon HIS lips,

a small twitch now and then.

for the smallest of HIS creatures

were the smartest of them all.

they never fought or feuded.

they never cursed HIS name.

they never harmed another

who did not believe the same.

and yet HE gave his MERCY

to mankind in the world below.

for someday they would join HIM.

and never be the same.

omgosh. that was so hard to get to. had to get all the negative doom and gloom clutter out and really pray for help. and i am so so pleased with this outcome. and i feel so much lighter now. thank you, i adore you GREAT ONE.

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Posted: Saturday December 17, 2011, 10:46 pm
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peggy p.
female, age 58, divorced, 2 children
Springfield, MO, USA
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