Despite my many interests, I seem to be drawn into Care2 vegan/omnivore debates/wars, which tend to get rather hot and ugly. My friend Diane L, tired of us Ethical Omnivores being ‘lumped in’ with uncaring, carnivorous slobs, wrote a rough draft of ‘categories’ for all the various diets/lifestyles/philosophies. It was a brilliant idea, so I took it and ran with it, and Vince D joined in with a few good ones as well. Far from being negative or mean-spirited, here it is - with a little revision and editing:
The Macho-Carnivore: “I gotta kill something dammit to prove I’m a man!”. (Ok, some women fit this type also!) I’ll skin it and eat it raw and post my kill on YouTube! (Or the hunting channel…. ) These guys are scary, and entertaining. Usually these folks suffer from a reduced p$%is size, which is a thought to be a cause of this syndrome. Usually die prematurely from heart failure.” (Vince D)
The Ignorant Carnivore: eats mostly meat and doesn’t give a damn where it comes from. Also known as an “FU Carnivore”.
The Ignorant Omnivore: as above, but eats less meat, and with normal servings of vegetables.
The Uninformed Omnivore: eats a balanced diet which includes meat, but is not aware or concerned about where it comes from and how it was produced. “If I thought about it I couldn’t eat it…”
Closet Omnivore: one who claims to be a vegetarian, but eats meat when nobody’s looking.
Omnipoor: would eat meat if they could afford it.
Ethical Omnivore: eats meat but strictly only that which is humanely-raised.
LTD Ethical Omnivore: eats limited amounts of humanely-produced meat, or only specific types of meat for ethical reasons.
DIY Ethical Omnivore: mostly eats what they kill themselves. Often responsible hunters who target introduced or overpopulated species.
(These terms are not mine: they are generally regarded as proper classifications
Pescatarian: eats fish (including mollusks, crustaceans, and other invertebrates), and usually dairy and eggs, but no other meat or poultry.
Pollotarian: eats poultry, and usually dairy and eggs, but no other meat or fish.
PescoPollotarian: eats fish and poultry, and usually dairy and eggs, but no other meat.
Lacto-vegetarian: eats no meat, fish, poultry or eggs, but consumes dairy.
Ovo-vegetarian: eats no meat, fish, poultry or dairy, but consumes eggs.
Lacto-ovo-vegetarian: eats no meat, fish or poultry, but consumes dairy and eggs.
And here are MY suggestions for reclassification of specific diet followers:
Invertebratarian: eats only invertebrates, such as mollusks, crustaceans and cephalopods.
Insectivore: eats insects for nutrition, but no other animal or animal product. Does not include the accidental ingestion of insects or their eggs. Can also be Lacto-insectivores (cheese with maggots is a delicacy somewhere) and Pesco-insectivores (those who, after an unsuccessful day’s fishing, eat the bait).
Trendy vegetarian/vegan: eats their normal diet when nobody’s looking, but claim they are veg/vegans because they want approval from their peers and want to be trendy. Often attention seekers, also known as &ldquoopularians”, “Me2 vegans” or “Show vegans”
Rebelvegs: cheat when nobody’s looking, but embrace the cause only because of a need to appear ‘rebellious’ (without taking any actual risks). Generally make a big deal of it too.
Squeamish vegetarian/vegan: ate meat when mommy cooked it, but found preparing raw meat confronting and yucky when they finally left home, so embraced a ‘cause’ to avoid admitting
they are wusses.
Wannabe vegetarian: eats a lot less meat than they used to, but can’t quite give it up. (Not to be confused with an omnivore who has no desire to give it up).
Almost vegetarian: eats meat, fish or poultry on rare occasions, often to be polite in company, but on the whole is vegetarian.
Almost vegan: eats dairy, eggs or honey on rare occasions, but on the whole is vegan.
Freegan: These people can be either vegan or omnivore, but they scrounge free food, often from garbage cans at fast food outlets. They believe this is a way of eating that doesn’t support the meat industry, or damage the environment. After several bouts of food poisoning, they either develop stomachs like hyenas or collect their free food from charity, or embarrassed family members.
Unethical vegetarian/vegan: eats either a vegan or vegetarian diet solely for their health or figure, with little-to-no concern for animal rights or welfare. May wear leather and silk, maybe even fur.
Ethical vegetarian/vegan: eats either a vegan or vegetarian diet mostly for ethical reasons regarding animal rights OR welfare, and refuses to wear or support products that may have been produced with animal cruelty. Generally kind, compassionate, fair and tolerant, they are often confused with the *ethical* vegan, and often unfairly attacked.
The GIY vegan (grow-it-yourself): these vegans only eat what they grow in their own gardens. But unwilling to kill snails, slugs, grubs, aphids, etc., they become emaciated. Have often been mistaken for tomato stakes.
“The Emo-vegan: The merger of “EMO” and vegans, a truly sad state. This group is constantly depressed, looking for attention and acceptance. This negative view drives them to go vegan to “save the world” and results is a huge messianic complex. They are usually young and dress oddly. Often they turn vegan-gelical to spread their misery and/or attract attention. Their misery compounds itself by finding the negative side of any conversation. Everything is sad to them, life has no upside. They suffer delusions of paranoia, and can attack without provocation much like a fear biting little dog. They are angry at people who don’t agree with them and are always “recruiting” more of their kind. They sometimes threaten suicide, but that is usually just a ploy for attention. Fortunately, they usually grow out of this state. (Vince D)
*Ethical* vegan: these are also known as ‘Vegangelicals’ and ‘Veganazis’, and usually follow a strict vegan diet and lifestyle reflecting their philosophy of animal rights. As such, they are opposed to animal welfare. They frequently contradict their philosophy of ‘empathy, compassion and love’ by attacking and savagely ripping apart all non-vegans, especially omnivores who believe in animal welfare. When anything they say is challenged, they become vicious, personal, offensive and vindictive. Often narcissistic, they believe themselves to be the highest life form in the universe, despite their oft-trumpeted claims that all animals are their equals, or even betters. They claim that only their *morals* and *ethics* are the Way, the Truth and the Light, and all people must be forced to submit to them and their unrealistic future vision.