BJ's Sharebook 

I know that the title is not interesting but for this first blog that is who I am going to write about. So forgive the 'I', 'me' and the 'my' content.

I was born in the spring of 1955.  According my dad, I was do for Easter and became very stubborn within the womb and came out two weeks later. Now I have an estimate time for my arrival in the world.

My first five years was spent living in a bungalow at a small local amusement park which I got into a lot of trouble for. According to mom, whenever I could I was down in the area of where the confection stand, games and rides were down by the river.  Sometime, I was found at the merry-go-round, happily riding the horses.  I was a happy child being adored by family and their friends with the exceptance of my mother - this part will be told later.

The year that I turned five (1960), my first sister sibling arrived and we moved to a farmhouse in a small village.  At this point my life went from good to bad. I didn't fully understand the why until much later. In 1962 another sister and 1964 was my brother.

Christmas, Easter and birthdays have not been my favorite time of since the arrival of the siblings. My father treated me like I was his son even though I wore girlly things. At that time, I got trucks, cars and a rubber train (which I loved). Then I started getting dolls and other girly things for Christmas and Easter.

Birthdays became an ordeal for me.  My birthday was no longer my own personal day, I had to share it with my siblings.  Sister one was born a month before I was one, sister two was born four months after my seventh birthday and brother arrived two weeks before my 11th birthday. I would not have minded sharing my birthday with my birthday since we were born in the same month. I remember one birthday, I was not feeling well; my parents gone shopping, my mother bought three of the same kind of dress.  When my grandfather asked her why, her answer was "I just had to buy them all something to celebrate the day."  Mom even got my brother a toy. For that birthday I really found out how much my mother hated me. Dad had given us all some chocolate me, before could stop us from drinking it(it was sour), my stomach did a turn around and it came back up. Then the siblings did the samething. I started to cry. Mom then made me clean up the enire mess by myself and hollered at me for drying.   First lesson don't cry infrom of mother. That weekend my grantherfather took me everywhere he went including to Bingo.

My daily life became worse. Even though we had babysitters, I was the one that watch over the siblings.  My emotions was turn inward and has stayed that way for years. When they got into trouble I was blamed for it and punished for it. The went on until the 1970's when I started having friends that I could excape to. I started dating about the same time or at least bring them home for the parents to meet. Wrong move, mom's hatred interfere again. This time she was trying to turn the boyfriend away from me to her.

Now I'll tell about my mother's hatred for me.  She had married my dad in 1954. Dad was 26 and she was 16.  Dad would have waited but mom persisted. The reason was that she wanted to get as far away from the farm as possible. She hated being a farmer's daughter. Three months after the marriage, she had enough of dad and wanted to leave him. She could leave because she was pregnant with me. I was the one who stopped her from divorcing dad.  Her hatred was bad enough that she tried to get dad's relatives to adopt me as their own, her parents could do it because grandma had her hands for with a brand new baby and all of mom's siblings up to that date. Mom was the second born child; by the end of 1965, mother had 12 siblings. As the years rolled by, mom's hatred grew until 1960 then it stopped. Rumor mill within the family was that my siblings was fathered by other men.

Mom never had the "woman' talk with me.  I learned about the change in a woman the hard way. We came home from a family camping trip and found that I was bleeding.  Her words were 'now you are a woman and here are the pads and belt' (this was before the sticky pads), and nothing else was said.  In school, there was a class 'sex orientation' where we learned about about the sexual organs and why we have them. The boys class got more details and including how to stop teenage pregnancies.  The actual act of sex, I learned from actual experience.

I didn't realise that I had a lot to say.  Let me stop here for now and will pick it up in another blog.