You did not create your âself.â Your egocentric story of "I-me" has serendipitously unraveled like toilet paper stuck to your backside on your way out the lavatory. Just as the entire universe did not create itself, the ego is not of your making. The thoughts that arise in your head are not "you," no matter how strenuously you insist on identifying with them as because they seem to conform to the 'story' of what you think you are.
You were born to parents you did not choose (and who did not choose "you") and received genetic programming you had no capacity to reject. You had no choice when or where you were born, nor in the culture or society through which you collected beliefs that you 'think' now define you, based on that societyâs customs, traditions and values.
Within your formative years, from birth to 5yrs, you had no choice in what experiences impacted and shaped your grey matter and what responses you provided to those experiences from that circuitry. Yet, those experiences and responses define you continually, even now. As a result, every choice you have made up to this day, came from a brain sculpted and shaped completely outside any application of individual free-will you could assert, because from birth to 5 you had no free will in anything and every time you attempted to assert a freedom outside the bounds, as set by all the controlling variables (genetics, parents, school, society, etc), you were redirected through positive and negative reinforcement (punishment and reward schedule) to conform to specific standards.
Therefore, every action you engage in, and have ever engaged in, is completely spontaneous, simply because not one action belongs to âyou,â but belongs to a force of causation you have yet to understand and even that understanding is beyond your control and, hence, will be as spontaneous as everything else.
Spontaneous thoughts lead to spontaneous actions and not one thought have you ever WILLED to think as you did. So next time you grit and grind over some situation, person or event, or even over something about yourself, recognize that this is exactly what you should be doing, and how you should be, in the very moment it is being done. In addition, if that gritting and grinding causes you to do something different, allow that to be done as well.
Spontaneous living is always happening. But egocentrics are loathe to accept what they do not want, thinking it should not be as it is. Yet, spontaneity does not subscribe to your decisions on what is âgoodâ or âbad," but merely happens outside any willpower you struggle to impose to make it otherwise.
You may not like how your life is now but, make no mistake, it is exactly as it supposed to be and could not be any different and will never be any different than it is in this very moment...and then the next.
You never really seem to get what you want exactly the way you want it. Things never seem to happen exactly as planned. Nevertheless, what you now want, what you now desire for your life, was initially formulated in childhood based on conditions outside your control, as well as shaped through external events and situations you had no control in and that you were programmed to respond to as you did, for if you did not, you would would have done it differently.
The only freedom that will ever be experienced throughout your entire egocentric existence is the experience of non-volition, because it is an acceptance of duality and dissolves the suffering of dualism
Everything, good or bad, has happened exactly as it must. I could walk across the street in the next 5 minutes and get hit by a car and deep within the circuits there exists the understanding that this must happen as it did. I may not like the situation, but I cannot reject it. Egocentric suffering is a product of rejection in the attempt to thwart the flow of life; to make it go in some other direction, as willed by a programmed organism that really has no idea of who or what it is, other than what it was programed to believe.
You cannot remove yourself from the universe that allowed you to be in the universe. But the universe can and will remove you, no matter how hard you protest it should be otherwise. It has been directing your course since the moment of conception, because it allows for life to be experienced by you exactly as you now experience it. Because âyouâ have never been separate from the universe, what you experience, it experiences, what it experiences, you experience.
Unfortunately, this tends to negate that "you" even exist at all.
Allow this to percolate amongst your brain circuits long enough to eventually experience the spontaneous combustion of egocentric existence.
But don't try too hard... Artwork by Mario S. Nevado