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Nov 20, 2013

During times of grieving it seems as if nothing can ever be right again.  When something of importance is lost, there always will be a void, but things will be right again, in the end.  How can we say that in the face of the death of a loved one?  Some losses are too important; too grave!  But death is part of life, and the world will go on, as harsh as that may at first seem.

It isn't harsh, though.  It is a blessing that life will go on.  It is a blessing that over time the pain will lesson, and we will begin to accept even that which we believed we could not.

Death isn't the only loss we have to deal with in life.  There are many, and each needs to be grieved before true acceptance is possible.  It is this acceptance which brings freedom and meaning to life.  Acceptance brings the freedom to thrive and be happy regardless of what circumstance brings, and that gives meaning to why we are here...to help others learn to accept and cherish life as it is.

When we die, what is it we wish to have accomplished during our time on earth?  This is a very important question to ask ourselves, because if this question is not satisfactorily answered at the end of our life, we're going to feel very dissatisfied when our time comes to an end.  To have assions and beliefs that we stand for, to be devoted to our ideals, to cherish and rotect those whom we care for, to live life in pursuit of our dreams...there is nothing that can compare to a life lived with intent.  In what way do we intend to leave our mark on the world?When

What about the person for whom we are grieving?  Did they live a life with which they found satisfaction?  Did they love others?  Help others?  Leave a mark in the minds and hearts of their loved ones that will live on forever?  Then they have lived a good life worth celebrating once it is through.

It's hard to lose someone we love, but we must learn how to go on from there.  We need to take a time of grieving that which is lost, but in our grief it is important to remember the good that was accomplished and the good that will carry on.  We can do this by putting our attention on what remains instead of what has passed away.

Often it is our own fear of mortality as much as anything else that makes us cry.  Get on with the business of living the life that you want to live!

How to go on without a loved one?  Through memories, through celebration, and through carrying on that person's wishes, examples and plans on their behalf, if it is something we believe in and are able to do.  Do it out of honor and out of respect.  For instance, my mom was wonderful at being a mother, and that's something to celebrate about her life.  Her wish more than anything for after she passed was to know that her children were close to each other.  The thing I can do to honor my mother's memory the most is to do my part in maintaining a loving relationship with my brother and sister.  This in turn helps me to deal with my grief.

It's much easier to accept the loss of a loved one if we have some sense of what we believe happens to a soul after death.  Some people believe life continues after death, and others believe the lights simply go out and that's it.  I believe there is more, but even if the lights do just go out, I still feel good that I've lived a good life.

What more could there be?  There are many, many ideas about this.  I believe, though, that with a clear conscious and with living a life centered in Love that the after-life cannot be anything scary or bad.  With too many ties to this earthly existence, however, such as addictions and materialistic values, it can be hard leaving this world.  I believe it is much easier to make the passing when we are not afraid of leaving this world behind and embracing the next, and it is also much easier to accept it when others have passed.

Many people are worried they'll go to hell.  To my way of thinking, hell is on earth before dying, but I think it can also be experienced after death if we carry anguish into our grave, or leave our work before our purpose has been fulfilled, due to some action over which we had control.  This, I think, is hell.  I had a near-death experience from which I returned after having experienced the feeling of heaven and then the realization of the hell of leaving my life before it was time.  I turned around and came immediately back.  It was the most significant experience of my whole life.

But in addressing the topic of grief, we can talk ourselves into acceptance by remembering the good times and celebrating life while knowing that our loved one is somewhere much better now, with no pain.  Still, though, we need to grieve.  We need to cry, even if we "know" they are okay  We need to cry for the departed, and we need to cry for ourselves.  It's important to let out our feelings and not rationalize them away before their purpose is served.  What purpose?  Well, tears are quite cleansing, for one thing.  We need to wash out the past to move into the future. 

We also need to cry to give release to our feelings of remorse, loneliness, fear, sorrow, anger...whatever it is we are feeling, it is okay.  Many feelings arise during times of someone's passing we know, even if we don't know them well.  It will bring us to terms with our own mortality, if nothing else, which in itself can be extremely profound.

So how does this all relate to losses through other means besides death?  Loss of a job, a dream, a relationship, belongings or anything else brings us face to face with the idea that there are no guarantees of permanency in this life.  Much to the contrary, the only thing constant is change.  So coming to trust what's on the other side is important here, too, as is rejoicing for all that has been.  Doing our best in the moment and not becoming too attached to the material world, being willing to let go of even our most precious relationships or belongings if that's what should occur...these are all good traits to strengthen if we are to learn how to deal with life on life's terms, and allowing ourselves to cry, realizing that crying is part of the natural process of letting go.  Tears offer a physical release.  Without tears, we become poisoned to some degree by the toxic chemicals produced by stress, so it's actually very important for us.

It's okay to be sad.  Pretending we're not sad when we are prolongs the process of truly becoming happy again.  Fake happiness isn't the same as the joy which true acceptance will bring.  True acceptance only comes through allowing the process of grief recovery to occur within us.  Shutting the process down puts us into a state of denial, and in denial, truth of all sorts becomes clouded over to us.  We then live in a world of unreality, where life can't be counted on.  Learning to trust Life in spite of the changes it brings is where we can truly find joy.

Sometimes, in the case of death, we feel guilty if we move on too quickly.  We may feel it's our duty to mourn.  Mourn, yes, but staying stuck doesn't do anyone very much good.  And if there is a life after death, some people say that mourning to deeply without allowing acceptance to enter the picture actually holds the soul back from moving on from this world.  We really don't do ourselves or the departed much good by not letting go.

No it's not always easy.  I'm not implying it is.  Give yourself all the time that you need, but allow yourself to go through the process...don't avoid it but don't stay stuck in it, either.  Allow yourself so much time per crying session.  Sit down and remember...pull out the pictures and put the sad musid on and let the tears freely flow.  But set the timer, and when it goes off, it's time to ut the pictures away and put on some happy music and get on with your day until your next schedules time set aside.  This is after your first several days.  Don't worry about scheduling then, just let it all out.  But when it's time to get back to regular life and move on, you still may need time to cry, and that is completely okay.  In fact, it is good.

I wrote a few weeks ago about the "Veil of Death."  I needed to write more on the topic again, more for myself than anyone else.  I am faced at this moment in time with the sadness of a friend slipping away from this world.  It's been very hard to accept, simply because I do not necessarily believe there's no hope just because that's what the doctors say.  In this case, there has been plenty of hope, and life has continued with fabulous quality for years beyond what they said.  And it may still!  But things are not looking that way, and I am having to accept that perhaps this is the time.  Maybe it's not...I hope it's not...but if it is, then I have to realize and accept that it's the best thing and in accordance with my friend's destiny to return to spirit form.

Enjoy every moment you have with those whom you love.  Enjoy every moment of life!  It is truly precious, and it so quickly goes.  In a flash we'll be finding out for ourselves what's beyond.  Until then, go hug someone, write someone a letter, or call someone up on the phone.  Don't leave any apologies unspoken or feelings of love stay hidden away.  Don't take your loved ones for granted.  Don't take tomorrow for granted.  Live each day as if it's your last.  Life is so precious.  Make every bit of it count!  You're here for a purpose.  Enjoy finding out what it is a.  (HinT...it's something you feel passionately about!) The biggest regrets at the end of a person's life, so they have found, are not the mistakes people have made, but the things they wish they had done and did not.  Regrets come from not experiencing life to the fullest way more often than from doing things wrong, so get out there and give it all that you've got!

Blessings,
"Vibraceous, ND"
Rev. Dr. Jody Evans, ND, CTN, CNHP, D.D.
Essentials of Life Holistic Enrichment Center
www.essentials-of-life.org
www.facebook.com/eolhec

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Posted: Wednesday November 20, 2013, 6:08 pm
Tags: life natural church pets health of healing massage l herbs universal reiki nd organic recovery chemical nutrition holistic addictions aromatherapy alcoholism vibraceous dependency trauma sprituality naturopathy essentials hartville www.genesis1.org [add/edit tags]

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Vibraceous ND
female, age 58, married, 6 children
Hartville, OH, USA
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