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Jul 22, 2007

Message of the talk given on 22 June 2007 in Metro Point, Kajang, Malaysia, on a campaign for Women and Children.

If we are ever to turn toward a kindlier society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start.” Said Dr. Benjamin Spock the author of the wonderful book Baby and Childcare. 

According to Unicef, Every day, violence invades the lives of millions of children around the world, including Malaysia.  

We hear of children being spanked in schools. We even come across horrible things as babies dying in baby sitter’s place. The biggest victims of domestic violence happen to be the smallest. It is the kids who are affected most in any domestic violence.
 Teachers, baby sitters and common maids employ spanking as a tool to control children. Teachers need to be educated more on physical and psychological health of children. I strongly advocate that canning kids in the schools must be completely banned. As educators teachers should be able to come up with knowledge based solution. Schools should have social workers instead of discipline teachers to council the children rather than giving them corporal punishments.
 

It is very difficult to advice on baby sitter or maid. It might not suit everyone because of economical conditions but wherever possible I suggest it is best that we care for our children ourselves during the infant period of kid where the kid doesn’t know to express about abuse. Having our infant grow with us will also help in attached parenting. We will know our child better and actually there would not be much to spank if we understand our child better.
 

In cases of domestic violence there seems to be common occurrence of spanking on the kids too. In certain families there has been violence between parents and the kids have only been passive victims but when they grow up as adult most of them have started to use spanking, as in their mind they think spanking is to dominate. So they spank their kids too even though as kids they were not spanked. This is to say even if you have not spanked your kid but spank others, beware that your children might turn violent and can hit their children. So if you spank stop spanking in anyway. If you know anyone who spanks let them know too that it doesn’t work. 
 

We hit a child thinking to make someone better but end up ourselves worst. We don’t change anyone to be good by hitting but we become bad. 
A child who is spanked takes it for granted that it is ok to be hit and it is their mistake. They do not think whether they made any mistake or not and even if they make mistake they are actually ready to get spanked thinking that as just normal. Frustrated parents or teachers usually get disappointed when the children don’t listen the second time even after being spanked and they start hitting more.

Unless and otherwise the child is told about their right and that they should not be spanked they very much accept it. When I was talking to a kindergarten school teacher who advocated spanking she said she hit the kid because the kid did not write well but then the next day the kid came and showed that he wrote better and didn’t complain the teacher spanked. I told the teacher that it is the specialty of the kids. They forgive easily which as adults we have difficulty. But that doesn’t mean we can spank them. Violence breed violence and we never know what kind of seed we are planting.

It is difficult in a society like ours were we are only taught listen to elders and not to talk back. But Children need to know what is an abuse so they can protect themselves if possible or at least talk to someone if any mishap happens. 

  

Kids are being spanked in general for the behavior that does not agree with the expectation of the adult. If we can think ourselves in their shoes we are very likely to come with solutions that work for both adult and the kid.  It is also important to check on the causes of what might trigger a tantrum in a kid. Tantrums are also reason why kids end up spanked. But the cause of a tantrum could be that the child is colic and the reason may be on cow’s milk that is not agreeing which we might never know. Or the reason could be some sugary stuff that is making them extra active. Kids also show tantrum when they are hungry. Parents and teachers need to observe reasons as this before they could spank a child. It might seem more work but if we care for our kids I’m sure observing a kid connects the kid and adult and spanking would not be necessary at all. We might be feeding our kid some bad stuff and we might be expecting our kids to behave good and if they don’t end up hitting them. We might be giving all those fast foods to finish our work fast not knowing they are also making our kids hyper super fast making them do silly things or get them sick and we end up giving meds not knowing why and needless to say some medicines also make our kids irritable etc. 

The fact that we have to know about spanking is that it doesn’t work.
It hurts them physically and mentally. It could also be deadly. According to Indian medical science, any form of hurt in body will have some serious side effects that could show up as a physical problem in a later date even if there is no immediate effect.  Unfortunately there are not many parenting help groups in Malaysia. But there are many sites on the Internet that can help for positive parenting.  I have been a teacher and am also a mother of two little children. I would say it can be hard as we are all not trained parents just teachers are trained but it is absolutely necessary that we stop spanking.

A poem that I had read in the words of a child has always been inspiring to me. Hope it will make meaning to you too. 
I’m a child
Don’t walk ahead of me
I can’t follow you
Don’t walk behind me
I can’t lead you
Walk with me I need you!
 

Thank you everyone for your valuable time.

Visibility: Everyone
Posted: Sunday July 22, 2007, 7:55 pm
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Andy Privacy (1)
Friday August 17, 2007, 2:00 pm
Awesome!!! i completely agree with you.

Andy Privacy (1)
Friday August 17, 2007, 2:00 pm
Awesome!!! i completely agree with you.

Andy Privacy (1)
Friday August 17, 2007, 2:02 pm
Awesome!!! i completely agree with you.

Bradly Hill (0)
Thursday January 3, 2008, 8:46 pm
children rulez

Tommo Anonymous (0)
Tuesday June 3, 2008, 4:18 am
I fully agree with you also. I was physically and mentally abused as a child by my mother and the mental abuse even carried on into my teens. But it was much more than just spanking.

Past Member (0)
Tuesday March 17, 2009, 12:08 pm
I Completely Agree with You! I was a Victim of Corporal Punishment in a Private School I attended during the 1975/76 School Year and suffered from Emotional Problems for 4 Years.

Michelle G. (1)
Wednesday October 7, 2009, 5:58 am
Thnaks for writing this Shoba. Its ironic considering that this site focuses on much on rights and equality, that there are under a handful of articles that speak to the issue of childhood physical assault Aka the cutsey term spanking. I could also find no petitions to end all corporal punishment including by parents- only in schools. Well, the majority of corporal punishments occur outside of school!

Michelle G. (1)
Thursday October 8, 2009, 10:10 am
I have a petition to ban the physical assault of children by adults- to catch up to the 24 countries that have already outlawed this barbaric practice.

Michelle G. (1)
Thursday October 8, 2009, 10:12 am
Oh here is the petition site to ban the physical assault of children:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/my/dashboard/893436645

Michelle G. (1)
Thursday October 8, 2009, 10:17 am
http://www.endcorporalpunishment.org/pages/progress/prohib_states.html

Michelle G. (1)
Friday October 9, 2009, 8:35 am
Here is the public link: I gave the link from my dashboard -that is why it did not work.


http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/america39s-behind--ban-the-physical-assault-of-children

PD E. (0)
Sunday January 3, 2010, 9:51 pm
Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit www.nospank.net.

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Author

Shoba R.
female, age 37, married, 2 children
Puchong, Malaysia
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