'Myth' defined: a traditional story accepted as history; serves to explain the world view of a people... (taken from Wordnet)
The myth that you will read today has nothing to do with the fanciful little creatures that live in your washing machine and steal all your left socks. It has nothing to do with stories of creation nor does it allude to any highly glorified versions of the lives and deaths of past Kings. And heaven forbid, I would dare bring up the subject of Santa Claus this early in the year (although I am getting the feeling that the department stores are just itching to bring out the tinsel and start belting out 'Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it away' over the loudspeakers, but are holding their breath until November 1 when it is almost...and I repeat ALMOST...not shameful to do so).
No, this myth is far greater and far more dangerous than all of those put together, namely:
The Myth of the Even Vague Possibility that at Some Time Somewhere the Complete and Lasting Repair of a Bicycle Wheel Tube was in Fact Achieved by Anyone Other than a Super Bicycle Expert Man
and it is traditionally told as follows:
One mild autumn day, a capable young woman by the name of Hanna found herself enjoying a pleasant bicycle ride along the road on her way to meet up with her tactfully hansome and caring boyfriend, Mats, for lunch. Suddenly, she noticed that the soft pedelling motion that had brought her gracefully thus far no longer had the same effect and, upon inspecting the situation, found that one of her bicycles tires had alarmingly little air left in it.
Acting quickly, Hanna pulled over and made of use of a conveniently placed flat grass area by the side of the road. Whipping out her handy bicycle repair kit, and after removing the tire from the bike with the spanner she luckily had with her also, she proceeded to remove both track and tube from the tire.
Quickly locating the small puncture, our hero lightly sanded the area and carefully applied the glue. After waiting 2 to 3 minutes, during which time she joyfully gazed about herself, taking in her beautiful surroundings, she applied the perfectly cute little rubber patch, which stuck easily and immediately to the perfectly prepared surface. Five minutes and a few moments of faint concern that she would be slightly late for her date later, she felt sure that tube was strong enough and set about replacing the tube and track into their original positions on the wheel frame.
Having pumped up the tire to the appropriate pressure, Hanna stowed away the repair kit, elegently mounting the newly restored bicycle and riding off into the sunset. The eagerly waiting Mats was appropriately surprised at the unfortunate occurance and glad that his beautiful girlfriend had been somewhat delayed, as he himself had been held up by some adoring fans (and rightly so, as he was a famous digital artist) who just would not let him pass without recieving personal autographs. They proceeded to enjoy their (almost) perfect day together.
It's like some sort of beautiful dream...
Unfortunately, the reality of the matter is that Hanna would not have remembered to bring her handy bicycle repair kit, the road on which she was travelling would have been lined in thick goopy mud and, no matter how carefully she carried out the reparation, the procedure would have involved significantly dirter hands, lounder screams of frustration, and would ultimately result in a spectacular failure as well as a considerable loss of valuable (necessary) hitchhiking time. I would also imagine that our hero would find it difficult to maintain that swavy air of elegance with mud covered hands and that painfully grumbly stomach she would recieve as a result of missing lunch.
And, on a final note, she probably wouldn't be on her way to meet the adorable boyfriend for lunch, but instead, be heading towards an incredibly important meeting of some sort for which being late is somewhat of a federal crime.
So, I urge you, people of the world, do not be fooled by people who say it can be done...because it can't, it's the way of the world and there's nothing we meager humans can do about it. Buy a new tire tube, it's the only way...it's the only way.
Until next time,
Peace, love and cherries to all,