my care2
make a difference

community & fun

shares

share your passions, stories, inspirations, and more

Why Punishing Your Child Doesn’t Work
Nov 2, 2005


 If you use punishment as a tool it may work to stop an immediate action or behavior, but what are we really trying to teach our kids? What are our real goals as parents? I’d like to think they are to prepare our children to be healthy, loving, responsible and thriving adults. With that in mind, how does spanking, grounding, sending them to their bedroom, removal of privileges, withholding of allowance and timeouts work? When a parent resorts to punishment both the parent and the child begin to pay attention to the punishment, its fairness and its enforcement instead of focusing on the actions that didn’t work. This takes the attention off of the behavior and allows the child to stop thinking about the decision process that brought about the action in the first place. Next, the child is not engaged in creating a new ways to handle situations differently in the future. A spanked child will think about how their rear end hurts, a child who has had something taken away from them will think about how angry they are at their parents, but seldom will they think about how to handle their next choice in a new way.
One of the most effective ways I have found to teach my children is to help them figure out what need was being met by their behavior. Instead of making them wrong we focus on what motivated their actions in the first place. As soon as we uncover why they did it, I ask them a few questions and let them come up with their own answers. I ask… Did it work? Did your actions meet that need? What was the cost and impact on yourself or others? Is there another way you can meet that need without such a high cost? Usually at this point it is very easy for them to see new life serving ways of meeting their needs and handling similar situations differently. If they don’t see new ways I’ll help them brainstorm until we come up with something that works for both of us. When I asked my children what they liked about this technique, they said, “You don’t make me wrong when I make a mistake, you trust me enough to come up with my own solutions.”
In closing I would like to pose a question… As a parent would you rather punish your child hoping they learn what you are trying to teach them or have them practice and develop the skills of acceptance, responsibility, accountability and self trust? For more information and details about this technique you can check out www.cnvc.org website or contact me directly at www.care2.com/suzrock
Visibility: Everyone
Posted: Wednesday November 2, 2005, 4:35 pm
Tags: [add/edit tags]

Group Discussions start a discussion
Comments
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:
Compose your comment and submit:

Suzanne Rock Stierle (38) 		Thursday November 3, 2005, 4:35 pm
I would love to hear you thoughts and opinions about this article. Do you have any challenging parenting issues? I look forward to your posts.

Lee C. (0) 		Sunday August 24, 2008, 4:29 am
Leadership is leadership whether you are in business or a parent. Building self esteem and self confidence is the main part of your role while being a great role model. Leaders hand out appreciation, recognition and encouragement with discipline as needed.Our role as leaders is to help develop people and teach them. The teaching part is how to do something. The development is how to be including truthfulness, integrity, honest, character, kindness. Teach your children how to be and how to do and you will have done your job....Good Luck.Take a look at my website for more great ideas on how to be a great leader and a great manager: http://www.LeeCockerell.com I led Disney World Operations for ten years and helped my wife raise our son and now we are working on three grandchildren....Good luck...Lee Cockerell

Michelle G. (1) 		Wednesday October 7, 2009, 6:13 am
Its great to see some articles here that speak to the opposition on the physical assault on children- there are less than a handful on this site no peitions for outright bans- just school bans- there are articles and petitions on women's rights animal rights- now its time for the youngest- some of the most fragile of humans to have rights. Why is it that more than 20 countries have outright bans on cooperal punishment of children when in the U, the issue is not even on the political table!
http://www.endcorporalpunishment.org/pages/progress/prohib_states.html

Michelle G. (1) 		Thursday October 8, 2009, 1:51 pm
I just started a petition. Ironically, more than half of the signers so far have been from out of the US.We are not the forerunner of democracy at this point.
Here is the petition-I invite to you help out in this cause:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/america39s-behind--ban-the-physical-assault-of-children

Author

Suzanne Rock Stierle
Author Tools:
Compose New Share
female, age 42, married, 3 children
Santa Monica, CA, USA
SUZANNE'S SHARES
Aug
22
(0 comments  |  discussions )
I am pleased to inform you that I have arranged for you to attend a special complimentary HealthCoach Business teleconference call with Hilton Johnson.  Hilto n is the CEO of HealthCoachingU.com and HealthCoachTraining.com.T he event will...
Apr
24
(0 comments  |  discussions )
There are so many ways to celebrate our loved ones. Over the years I have enjoyed creating rituals and celebrations that mark special passages of the people in my life... One of the most memorable occasions was a treasure hunt I created for my husband...
Nov
2
(4 comments  |  discussions )
Celebrating Mom Part 2As mothers, our lives are filled with taking care of others, the kids, the house, and people at work (just to name a few), that we often forget to care for ourselves. Most of the single moms I know, including myself, have the &ld...


ads keep care2 free
SHARES FROM SUZANNE'S NETWORK
Dec
5
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
  Now let me get this straight!  &nbs p;   Let me get this straightâ‚&no t;. 1.     we're going to pass a health care plan 2.     written by a committe...
Nov
30
by Fred H.
(1 comments  |  discussions )
There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena, got permission from the Nazis to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an 'ulterior motive' ... She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the...
Nov
29
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
2010 is an election year for 1/3 of the senate and 1/2 of the house of representatives. It would be nice if congress got the message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now. Social Security 2009       LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS...
Nov
28
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
     This is a copy of the email that I sent to Senator Murray from Washington State, in regards to the Health Care Plan:  Senator Murray,      The only Health Care System that will work for this Nation, is...
Nov
17
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Folks, we are witnessing a time in History when The President, The White House and Congress is debating a Plan to provide Health care for Americans who do not have Health Insurance. However, the question is, do we want the type of Health Care that the...


ads keep care2 free
MORE MEMBER BLOGS
Dec 5
Blog: USED vs LOVED by Neggyly R.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — USED vs LOVEDWhile a man was polishing his new car,his 4 yr old son picked up a stoneand scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times not realizinghe was using a wrench.At the hospital, the chi... more
Blog: Tide rolls on with 32-13 win over Tebow's Gators by HM S.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — ATLANTA -- Mark Ingram and Greg McElroy sliced up the fearsome Florida defense and Tim Tebow finally met his match, no matter how hard he tried to fire up his teammates. more
Blog: What Language Are You? by Antonette S.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — You Are Swedish You are a very unique and interesting person. There aren't many like you, and your kind is a bit of a dying breed. While you fit inside the mainstream, you are an outlier. You have your own unique words and expressions that many peop... more
Blog: Delain: Soft Voice & Loud Guitars by Past Member .
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — Delain is a Dutch Symphonic Metal band, which has been around since 2002, and is a project from former-Within Temptation's keyboardist Martijn Westerholt. Earlier this year, they released the album April Rain, which is even better than their previo... more
Blog: facts on god and people by Hey G.
(0 comments  |  0 discussions ) — this man who wrote about the holy spirit is golden in my 12 years of night watches.....for ever watching the spirit in the night....all the visions created in front of me night and day all over the usa and san diego where i live a tortured plaqued lif... more
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.
Copyright © 2009 Care2.com, inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved