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Blog: Looking For Space: A song of Bi-Polar Disorder.

I've been a huge fan of the late, great, John Denver
for close to 40 years now. But, it was only last year
I learned that John suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder
all his life. He had significant drug and
alcohol problems over the years as well.

John Denver died tragically and needlessly on
October 12, 1997, at the age of 53, when the
experimental ultra-light aircraft he was piloting
lost power, and crashed into the Pacific Ocean
off the coast of Monterey, California.

I'm posting and sharing the lyrics to one of
John's many masterpieces, "Looking For Space".
because this is a song about what's it's really like,
living with Bi-Polar Disorder, as I myself have since
my early teens.

I'm sharing these lyrics to spread a better understanding
of Bi-Polar Disorder for those who are not familiar with
the living hell it can sometimes be. Perhaps they will help
you to better understand a spouse, a relative, or a friend
who suffers from Bi-Polar.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Brightest Blessings to all.
Namaste!

Looking For Space
by John Denver

On the road of experience,
I'm trying to find my own way.
Sometimes I wish that I could fly away
When I think that I'm moving,
suddenly things stand still
I'm afraid 'cause I think they always will

And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know and understand
It's a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I'm deep in despair

All alone in the universe,
sometimes that's how it seems
I get lost in the sadness and the screams
Then I look in the center,
suddenly everything's clear
I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams

And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know and understand
It's a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I'm deep in despair

On the road of experience,
join in the living day
if there's an answer,
it's just that
it's just that way

When you're looking for space
And to find out who you are
When you're looking to try and reach the stars
It's a sweet, sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
But sometimes I'm deep in despair

Sometimes I fly like an eagle,
like an eagle
I go flying high........

http://i179.photobucket.com/albums/w295/tammiab71/9673ee3d.jpg

Requiem in Pace, dearest John.

Posted: Thursday June 12, 2008, 10:18 am
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Cher C. (485)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 4:32 pm
Thnx for sharing this Tim!!

LYG's

Cher~

Elle J. (223)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 4:35 pm
I have known people with a bi polar disorder and it is heartbreaking to see them suffer though that. However, if you are a patient person and friend, you can help them by letting them talk and keeping still. I must admit that keeping still is rather hard for me and I have not always met my goal in that but I have shown them that I love them unconditionally whether it be tears or laugher. I will cry with them and laugh with them but most of all I will understand and remain a steadfast friend.

Velvet Blue (233)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 4:40 pm
Thank you Tim... i have never known anyone with Bi polar discorder.....

Wendy F. (70)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 4:53 pm
wonderful.... thank you dear friend.... I too live with this and many people just don't understand, nor want to understand....

Gail Costic (425)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 4:53 pm
The world lost a wonderful person the day John died.

I also know people who live with bi-polar disorder and you said it all so well, Elle.

Thank you Tim ~ you brought this out is such a beautiful way.

FreeSpirit Running (340)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 5:13 pm
You are 2 cool 4 words...This runs in my family, boy do I know what it's like, and it ain't fun. Love you all, FreeSpirit...xxxooo

Ann Kinney (98)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 6:06 pm
Livin bi-bolar is very difficult. Thanks for the great blog.

Jim Phillips (1619)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 6:47 pm
Thank you for this story. i have known a few bi-polar people and not easy to watch nor talk with them...

Monalisa Stewart (284)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 6:56 pm
Tim,I would much appreciate this blog...But i cannot being in several conversations i have had with you,( You Stated To me ) ~Your doctor removed the diagnosis of bi-polar from your chart~Hence you also telling me you did not have but what you have is manic depression....When are you gonna start telling the truth?Only a friend would ask you this!

Tim Redfern (477)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:07 pm
Mona, Bi-Polar Disorder and Manic Depression are the same thing. It's that it's no longer politically correct to call it Manic Depression.
In this past month, the diagnosis of Bi-Polar has been re-instated. Why, I asked, was I taking 300 mg. of Effexor-XR a day if I wasn't Bi-Polar? I told them again how rapidly and violenty my moods will cycle when I'm not on the Effexor. I don't know what could have possessed them to cancel the BPD diagnosis in the first place, but that doesn't matter now.
John Denver was absolutely right, my sweet friends, and I can say exactly what he said:
"Sometimes I fly like and eagle, and sometimes I'm deep in despair", and that's precisely what it's like living with BPD, but if it's left totally untreated and unmedicated, the person has no control whatsoever over when they're flying like an eagle or in a black-hole of despair. I've been Bi-Polar since my teens, and I've only been taking meds for it since December 2006. I left mine untreated.....well, it wasn't diagnosed until Dec.'06....and therefore unmedicated for about 30 years.
Mona, you're right, only a friend would ask, and you'll always be a forever-friend to me.
Bright Blessings!

Sue Rebel (483)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:15 pm
I loved his music, may he RIP
Most people have not a clue what this illness is all about and its good to get it out there. I have known people with this illness..now called Bi-Polar..used to be called Manic Depressive.. but all in all its the same thing ..
Thank you for sharing this with us all Tim.

Monalisa Stewart (284)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:22 pm
Tim
i have a brother that is Bi Polar...He has been diagnosed for 20 years effexor is not prescribed for bipolar it is prescribed for anxiety and depression...I have fibromyalgia which you know and i take effexor and its for the depreesion and anxiety that comes from this illness...I can send you medical proof of what drugs are prescribed for bipolar ...One of the main ones is depakote here is the link...
http://www.depakoteer.com/
I dont want to continue to back and forth i have sent you an email about my feelings on our frienship and how i feel you need to start telling the truth....

Karenbee Applebee (218)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:37 pm
I have a cousin who is bi-polar and you do not exhibit any of the symptoms common with that illness. You are right about it being hell to live with yet in all the conversations we've had, and I do mean ALL, you have never mentioned anything about violent mood swings; weird huh? With all the things you have said that are contrary to yourself, I don't know what to think. I have really tried to be a good friend, successfully I think, and I have always been there in the past to support you. There are so many things through our friendship that just don't add up, I don't know what to think.

Summer Daze (180)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:46 pm
Monalisa...I do not know you...but you were right in your second post....you shouldn't have brought your feelings out in this blog....you SHOULD have EMAILED him in the first place. I don't know how a dr. (or YOU or ANYONE) can say if you are bipolar or not. I have been told...I am *on the verge* of bipolar. They changed up my meds numerous times...and Effexor was one that was tried. I have recently QUIT all my meds....and I can *FEEL* and cry again. I sure wouldn't want anyone telling me (other than a dr. or someone I ASKED their opinion) what I was or had. Course I was brought up by my parents...IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE...DON'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL! Seems you have a problem...other than this with Tim...and I THINK it SHOULD have been kept private!
Thanks Tim for your blog! Nicely written. You are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Peace, Love and Light....SummerDaze

Summer Daze (180)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:52 pm
Monalisa...I do not know you...but you were right in your second post....you shouldn't have brought your feelings out in this blog....you SHOULD have EMAILED him in the first place. I don't know how a dr. (or YOU or ANYONE) can say if you are bipolar or not. I have been told...I am *on the verge* of bipolar. They changed up my meds numerous times...and Effexor was one that was tried. I have recently QUIT all my meds....and I can *FEEL* and cry again. I sure wouldn't want anyone telling me (other than a dr. or someone I ASKED their opinion) what I was or had. Course I was brought up by my parents...IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE...DON'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL! Seems you have a problem...other than this with Tim...and I THINK it SHOULD have been kept private!
Thanks Tim for your blog! Nicely written. You are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Peace, Love and Light....SummerDaze

Ron Goodman (455)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:53 pm
Hi my friend and thanks for the post. I feel very sad about the constant misdiagnosis of BPD and Big Pharma, General Practitioners, Psychiatrists, etc. etc. abusing this Psych-term. Bi-polar is an extremely subjective term for many emotional conditions, both chronic or not, and is now being used/abused to put millions of people on Psychotropics...FOR PROFIT. The problem lies in the misdiagnosis and the huge conflict of interest called MONEY. Of 40 years in the study of Psychology, both clinical and outside the Box, and being a counselor for the past 22 years, I've actually seen very few people with what I would consider true BPD, though I believe it exists, I feel it's very rare. Severe stress, depression, and mostly "sleep deprivation" is a mimic of BPD or Mania, and the drugs many times have the "exact" same side effects as the conditions...SO how do you ever know if your condition has subsided or gone? How can you lower the dose of medication when you need to if the medications side effects are one in the same? How do you know when or if the drug is right for you? How or when should you get off the drug? These are some of the many questions. I've removed many people with so-called BPD from their drugs throughout the years, with a multitude of different types of therapeutic techniques, but not all. There is no blanket solution, but proper diagnosis is "extremely" important, as the drugs "will" kill you eventually. You should search/seek all alternatives first and only go there as a last resort. NEVER get diagnosed by a General Practitioner without extensive background in Psychology. Seek more than one opinion from a qualified Psychologist, not Psychiatrist. Please don't think by saying the above that I feel that you don't have BPD, but it's is a very severe problem going across the US and world, and being perpetrated by profiteers.

Stanley Pendze (331)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:55 pm
Thank you for shareing Tim,I myself suffer from Bi polar disorder and every day it takes it toll on me by ripping me apart and at times its very difficult for me to talk with anyone.

Summer Daze (180)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:56 pm
Monalisa...I do not know you...but you were right in your second post....you shouldn't have brought your feelings out in this blog....you SHOULD have EMAILED him in the first place. I don't know how a dr. (or YOU or ANYONE) can say if you are bipolar or not. I have been told...I am *on the verge* of bipolar. They changed up my meds numerous times...and Effexor was one that was tried. I have recently QUIT all my meds....and I can *FEEL* and cry again. I sure wouldn't want anyone telling me (other than a dr. or someone I ASKED their opinion) what I was or had. Course I was brought up by my parents...IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE...DON'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL! Seems you have a problem...other than this with Tim...and I THINK it SHOULD have been kept private!
Thanks Tim for your blog! Nicely written. You are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Peace, Love and Light....SummerDaze

Ron Goodman (455)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 8:56 pm
Oh...forgot, "Poems Prayers and Promises" was one of my favorite JD songs. I played it once for 15 people sitting around the fire in my Tee Pee. Oh...it was good Humboldt!! Ha!

Tim Redfern (477)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 9:10 pm
Ron, before my initial diagnosis, before I began taking the meds, my moods did cycle from a near-euphoria to severe depression. The first anti-depressant I was precsribed was Celexa, which stabilized my mood swings, but leveled me out near rock-bottom. They then switched me to Effexor, which kept my moods level, without the fast and hard swings up or down with no notice. I've been doing very well on it since, but this past December, when I made that horrible mistake of going to California, I ran out of the Effexor and had to quit almost cold-turkey. Within a week, my depression worsened badly, and a week after that, I would be laughing my butt off about nothing, but 45 minutes later be crying like a little girl.
Once I got back to Tennessee and back on the Effexor, all that stopped.
All I know is what they tell me at the mental health facility where I recieve treatment. I don't have a doctorate in psychology or medicine or anything else. All I know is what I'm told. And right now, I'm told that I do have Bi-Polar, and the Effexor is commonly prescribed for Bi-Polar. Despite the doubts of a few people as to the truthfulness of my statements, I know my body, I know my mind and my emotions, and beyond that, all I know is what I'm told by the mid-grade quality doctors, therapists and psychiatrists in this backwater-Tennessee town. Sadly, not all of us have the option of going to a medical center in some large metro-area, where the quality of care is a few orders of magnitude higher than it is in this county of barely 60,000 people. We get what we get here, and it's not always good.
If some of you choose to believe that I've lied to you, that's nothing to me. I know otherwise, and I'm sorry you feel that way, but there's nothing I can do about it. But still, knowing as you do that I AM chronically-ill and under enormous emotional stress these days, the very least you could do is cut me a little slack.

Marian E. (175)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 9:13 pm
I have a lovely, now grown, foster daughter who is bi-polar and she takes Effexor. I believe that a number of meds were tried before they found this to work best for her. I also know she takes some other meds. My point though, is, Bi-polar, like any illness, has different meds prescribed by different doctors depending on the med they feel works best for their patient. Trying to tell someone they don't suffer from an illness simply
because the medication prescribed for them is not what we think is used for that illness is rather like playing Doctor without the qualifications. Dangerous in my opinion.

Thank you Tim, good blog!

Ron Goodman (455)

Thursday June 12, 2008, 10:23 pm
Hi my friend Tim, I hope that my comment wasn't misunderstood. I would never say whether someone has or doesn't have BPD without a long Psych-eval, and it sounds like you could very well have BPD or severe duress. The conditions you describe could have been stopping the drug cold-turkey, or decomposition. Yes, part of the problem is those who live in rural communities are stuck with whatever they can get..I've been there!! My comment was meant to bring awareness or warning in general, and not directed at anyone personally. I would stick to what works best for you Tim. Personally, I feel that Effexor is one of the lesser intrusive drugs, and is used for a multitude of conditions, but it might be a good idea to do a little research on it.

Juliana Farah (163)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:01 am
Thank you so much Tim for sharing this with us!!
I LOVE John Denver, may he rest in peace.
It's good to see you Tim, you take care of yourself.

AniTa H. (143)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:06 am
I always loved him...didn't know he was bi-polar. Thanx for sharing these words with us. Artists are such sensitive souls.

AniTa H. (143)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:09 am
I always loved him...didn't know he was bi-polar. Thanx for sharing these words with us. Artists are such sensitive souls.

Kathy C. (283)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:35 am
My heart goes out to all those with bipolar, it must be very difficult to cope with day to day life with such great sadness. Now with bipolar, aren't there often thoughts of suicide? I've always went with the theory that I'm slightly crazy:) But crazy is good, it's something I can live with. I can't imagine how awful it is for you guys with bipolar disorder & the deep sadness you have to live with:( I'm so sorry.
GodBless
Kathy

Kathy C. (283)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:57 am
You go Marian:)
I totally agree with you.

And if Tim is telling you different stories, please forgive him, my understanding is that's part of the disorder.
I looked this up.
What is bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder—also known as manic depression or manic-depressive illness—involves dramatic shifts in mood from the highs of mania to the lows of major depression. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood, the cycles of bipolar disorder last for days, weeks, or months.

Unlike ordinary mood swings, bipolar disorder is much more intense and disruptive to everyday functioning, affecting energy, activity levels, judgment, and behavior.
During a manic episode, a person might impulsively quit a job, charge up huge amounts of debt, or feel rested after sleeping two hours.

During a depressive episode, the same person might be too tired to get out of bed and full of self-loathing and hopelessness over his or her unemployment status and credit card bills.

Bipolar disorder is more common than many think affecting nearly 3 out of every 100 adults in the U.S according to the National Institutes of Mental Health. Its causes aren’t completely understood, but bipolar disorder often runs in families.

The first manic or depressive episode of bipolar disorder usually occurs in the teenage years or early adulthood.

Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder involves periods of elevated mood, or mania. Usually—but not always—the disorder also involves periods of depression. In a typical case, a person with bipolar disorder cycles between these two extremes—experiencing recurrent episodes of both elevated and depressed mood, often with symptom-free stretches in between.

Signs and symptoms of a mixed episode
A mixed episode of bipolar disorder features symptoms of both mania and depression. Common signs of a mixed episode include agitation, irritability, insomnia, appetite changes, loss of contact with reality, and suicidal thoughts. This combination of high energy and low mood makes for a particularly high risk of suicide.
Again, God Bless you Tim, my heart goes out to you my friend.
Hugs
Kathy

Kathy C. (283)

Friday June 13, 2008, 1:05 am
You go Marian:)
I totally agree with you.

And if Tim is telling you different stories, please forgive him, my understanding is that's part of the disorder.
I looked this up.
What is bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder—also known as manic depression or manic-depressive illness—involves dramatic shifts in mood from the highs of mania to the lows of major depression. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood, the cycles of bipolar disorder last for days, weeks, or months.

Unlike ordinary mood swings, bipolar disorder is much more intense and disruptive to everyday functioning, affecting energy, activity levels, judgment, and behavior.
During a manic episode, a person might impulsively quit a job, charge up huge amounts of debt, or feel rested after sleeping two hours.

During a depressive episode, the same person might be too tired to get out of bed and full of self-loathing and hopelessness over his or her unemployment status and credit card bills.

Bipolar disorder is more common than many think affecting nearly 3 out of every 100 adults in the U.S according to the National Institutes of Mental Health. Its causes aren’t completely understood, but bipolar disorder often runs in families.

The first manic or depressive episode of bipolar disorder usually occurs in the teenage years or early adulthood.

Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder involves periods of elevated mood, or mania. Usually—but not always—the disorder also involves periods of depression. In a typical case, a person with bipolar disorder cycles between these two extremes—experiencing recurrent episodes of both elevated and depressed mood, often with symptom-free stretches in between.

Signs and symptoms of a mixed episode
A mixed episode of bipolar disorder features symptoms of both mania and depression. Common signs of a mixed episode include agitation, irritability, insomnia, appetite changes, loss of contact with reality, and suicidal thoughts. This combination of high energy and low mood makes for a particularly high risk of suicide.
Again, God Bless you Tim, my heart goes out to you my friend.
Hugs
Kathy

Ombretta LittleShadow (443)

Friday June 13, 2008, 3:14 am
My first husband's wife has bi-polar disorder. She is a brilliant attorney (public defender) and fights the good fight. I have seen her struggle with both the disease and the meds she takes to control it. She keeps on, even though she suffers from hand tremors and other side effects. I admire her spirit.

Whoever IAm (169)

Friday June 13, 2008, 5:15 am
Tim, thanks for sharing these beautiful lyrics and the information about John Denver as well. His music is always connected to happy memories for me...I love the quote on his headstone as well - it seems so perfect!

I have a close friend who is bipolar, and I love her and support her to the best of my ability through ALL of her experiences. She is one of the strongest women I know!

I have admired you and the work you do here on Care2 for a while now Tim, and knowing that you are bipolar only reaffirms and strengthens my faith in you! You absolutely rock!!

Cynthia

WHITE WOLF DRAGONWARRIOR (192)

Friday June 13, 2008, 6:35 am
thank you my brother, i too suffer from bipolar so does my daughter. it is hard to cope with at times and when you have a child with it it is even harder especially being a mom with it also. i was dx with it nearly 10 years ago and first dx was hard but now i have come to terms with it and have learned alot about myself and others who has this. and the one thing is I Am NOT Crazy as some said in my past before i knew the cause of the mood swings and everything. again thanks for sharing and getting the word out. love ya, your little sister :)

RIVER F. (92)

Friday June 13, 2008, 9:46 am
VERY NICE TRIBUTE. MY YOUNGER & ONLY BROTHER HAS BI-POLAR. IT WAS NOT DIAGNOSED TILL HE WAS IN HIS LATE TEENS. NO ONE COULD FIQURE OUT WAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM. BUT AFTER ONLY 5 MINS TALKING 2 A PSYCHIATRIST, HE KNEW RITE AWAY WAT WAZ WRONG WITH MY BROTHER.THX TIM. PEACE RIVER.

RIVER F. (92)

Friday June 13, 2008, 9:57 am
MY YOUNGER & ONLY BROTHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BI-POLAR IN HIS LATE TEENS. NO ONE IN THE FAMILY COULD FIQURE OUT WAT WAZ WRONG, BUT IT ONLY TOOK 5 MINS WITH A PSYCHIATRIST 2 DIAGNOSE HIM. THX FOR THE BLOG TIM. I KNOW & WOULD RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS NOW !! RIV.

RIVER F. (92)

Friday June 13, 2008, 9:58 am
MY YOUNGER & ONLY BROTHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BI-POLAR IN HIS LATE TEENS. NO ONE IN THE FAMILY COULD FIQURE OUT WAT WAZ WRONG, BUT IT ONLY TOOK 5 MINS WITH A PSYCHIATRIST 2 DIAGNOSE HIM. THX FOR THE BLOG TIM. I KNOW & WOULD RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS NOW !! RIV.

Eduardo L. (111)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:45 pm
Thanks for sharing this story, Tim! I love his songs. Bipolar disorder (BPD) is a common inherited genetic disorder, affecting 2-3% of the population. It has been difficult to diagnose this disease.

For many BPD affected people, lithium is a very potent mood stabilizer. While lithium is sufficient to stabilize the mood of some BPD patients, other affected people may need a combination of lithium with other psychiatric medications for treatment.

Many individuals with BPD can be brilliant and creative, but it is important to seek for a minimal amount of medications, which are sufficient to stabilize the mood but do not slow down the thinking too much.

Tim Redfern (477)

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:52 pm
I want to thank everyone who has posted here. I deeply appreciate your support and understanding.

Cynthia, thank you kindly, and you rock, too, my friend!

Kathy C., thanks so much to you for posting the info on BPD. Every word of it is true. I have had countless cycles of highs and lows that have indeed lasted for weeks and months.
Someone mentioned suicide, and the effects of anti-depressants, especially SSRI's. These drugs are strongly UN-recommended for adolescents and young adults, because they do prompt thoughts of suicide, and there have been far too many teens who have taken their own lives while taking a prescribed SSRI anti-depressant.
In my own experience, and remembering the fact that I did not start taking medication for my emotional problems until December 2006, I have attempted suicide three times in my life. The first time was when I was 13, the second time I was 19, and the last time was in August 1995, when I was 33. That last time, I came way-too close to succeeding, when I drank a bottle of automotive brake fluid, and several Soma, a powerful prescription muscle relaxant and central nervous system suppresant. Had we not been living less than 5 minutes away from the University of California-Irvine Medical Center, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this right now.
In these last 13 years, I have realised that suicide is the ultimate act of cowardice and of a quitter, and it will never be an option to me again, regardless of how bad things get.
Thank you, again, to everyone who's posted.
It's wonderful to find out who my friends are!

Deidre Williams (1)

Friday June 13, 2008, 1:03 pm
I think that was a very moving tribute to a great man, Namaste. I can't pretend to know what it is like for you to have bi-polar, but working as a caregiver, I have met a few people, who have it, and like I always do, I treat them with the same respect, and caring, as I do everyone else. Thank you for sharing the knowledge about John, that you did. Take Care!

Michelle Ciufo (122)

Friday June 13, 2008, 1:10 pm
I was a die hard John Denver fan and was very saddened by his tragic loss. I am also a bi-polar sufferer. Maybe people will realize that this is a disease that is treatable.

tammymarie h. (28)

Friday June 13, 2008, 1:14 pm
I know several people with bipolar who take Effexor. My mom is one of them regardless if it's on a list or not. I can see the difference in a person if they stop taking their Effexor...Thanks for sharing Tim, something wonderful and cool again! Much Love, my friend! :)

tammymarie h. (28)

Friday June 13, 2008, 1:20 pm
Oh geez, Tim is telling the truth. Manic depression was once the term used for bipolar. I'm sorry Tim you have been attacked in public like this...You certainly deserve much better and I'm glad you shared this.

Pamela WolfSong (523)

Friday June 13, 2008, 3:39 pm
Tim, that was wonderful. Thank you for sharing something so personal about yourself. Patty Duke called Bi-polar disorder "A Brilliant Madness". I'm so sorry that you have this disorder. Hang in there.

Veronique P. (55)

Friday June 13, 2008, 5:30 pm
Thank you Tim.

Chrissy K. (30)

Friday June 13, 2008, 7:30 pm
Hi Tim....Thanks for the share...I too have suffered with bi-polar for about 17 years now, the words in this song describe how a lot of my days feel. Thanks for posting
Brightest Blessings,
Chrissy

Ron Goodman (455)

Friday June 13, 2008, 7:59 pm
Well, how did I know that the "clinical" analysis would come to this thread and force me to make another comment because so many don't understand the Clinical and Big Pharma plan. They're maniacal with their get rich plan on the pain and suffering of the innocent. My best example would be the comment made by RIVER e/g
MY YOUNGER & ONLY BROTHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BI-POLAR IN HIS LATE TEENS. NO ONE IN THE FAMILY COULD FIGURE OUT WAT WAZ WRONG, BUT IT ONLY TOOK 5 MINS WITH A PSYCHIATRIST 2 DIAGNOSE HIM.
This Psychiatrist made a diagnosis in "5 MINUTES"??
If that is so, then he's a QUACK!! And should loose his license for Mal-practice, and you can ask qualified Psychologist and get the same answer. Another comment suggesting "Lithium" for BPD is totally wacko. Sorry, but thats my opinion.
Look the drugs up, not on a clinical site, but on a subjective site. Lithium is the extreme side of psychtropics, is extremely dangerous, and has been proven to kill that which it's supposed to be helping...the brain!!

Ronald Withrow (80)

Friday June 13, 2008, 8:01 pm
I would say Mr. Redfern would communicate his problem much more effectively if he wrote from what he knows best: sociopathic hypochondria. I suspect he could write volumes. Truth be known, Tim Redfern, with whom I've had several lengthy conversations, does represent and personify exploitation of others' emotions to his own end needlessly. He appears to exhibit the compassion and social instincts of a cheap used car salesman. Upon discovery of conflicting elements in his depiction of his physical and emotional states, he will slough it off or blur the concrete resolution of said conflict. Tim appears incapable of consistent honesty and, considering that he does write so eloquently about understanding, empathy and treating others compassionately, appears to be a rank hypocrite and manipulative emotionally. Mr. Redfern, rigorous self-honesty should be a phrase with which you are familiar, if you've attended any meetings. If not, re-read the phrase and consider its meaning. If you aren't capable of being honest with yourself, don't pass yourself off as an authority on anything but laziness, fear and moral confusion. I love you "Reverend" Tim, but merely because you happen to be a human being. BEING human is joyful exercise and there are too many flabby spirits out there as it is. Please refrain from adding to their numbers.

Ronald Withrow (80)

Friday June 13, 2008, 8:34 pm
BTW, my baby sister is Bipolar, took Lithium until it poisoned her spirit AND her body, went to self-medicating with an array of street and prescribed drugs, was ravaged from too many doctors giving her too many psychotropic and antipsychotics, then contracted MS, has had both hips replaced and is now on nothing more than natural mood- and mind-altering meds and through all of that, she was always HONEST, sometimes brutally so! Honesty is not a casualty of bipolar illness unless that sufferer wills it. True that they will manipulate and obfuscate the truth for their own gain but not at the expense of their own ego, especially in manic phases. My sister is now a successful artist and is more active socially than she's ever been because some of us had enough of seeing her nearly destroyed by unconcerned doctors, condescending social operatives and acquaintances with stupid advice. She even has a MySpace page she maintains very well!

Marian E. (175)

Friday June 13, 2008, 9:44 pm

First, to my friends here, please remind me never to post a blog that contains anything even remotely personal! Apparently that means open season on the blogger. Frankly I find it disgusting.

Second, I found nothing in Tim's posts indicative of either a bid for sympathy or a claim of expertise. Perhaps the blog should be reread before criticizing.

Diana D. (179)

Saturday June 14, 2008, 3:36 am
Thank you Tim for this story of John Denver. I was always a fan of his, saw him in concert in the 70's. Thank you also for the Bi polar info. I have several people who are close to me who have been diagnosed with this. Each person seems to be at a different level and each responds differently to medications.
There are many nice people who have added to your blog however I was shocked by the ugliness of a few of the people who have commented here. Why would they do this? Wasn't this about John Denver, his talent and bringing to light a disorder that he and many people have had to painfully live with?
Well, may he now rest in peace.
Blessings and Light,
~Diana

Tim Redfern (477)

Saturday June 14, 2008, 6:51 am
Three specific individuals have posted in this thread, individuals whom I had previously considered "friends".
Thank you, to you three, for your comments, you have certainly aided my present emotional condition(he said, sarcastically).
To everyone else who has posted, or will post; As my real friend Marian has said, let this be a lesson to you all of what can happen if you post a blog of a personal nature. It's one helluva way of finding out who your friends REALLY are.
To the three aforementioned individuals; Until you're on the inside looking out, you'll never know how it feels to have the outside staring in. And, to you three, screw you very much.

Jo Carlyle (170)

Sunday June 15, 2008, 12:54 am
Thanks for the blog. The song is so right about bipolar, I've had it for 10 years.

Sheila G. (184)

Monday June 16, 2008, 5:04 am
I read as many posts as I could before I became frustrated with all the misinformation! There is no generalizing with this life altering illness. There are degrees of severity with this mental/chemical disorder. This is still such an unexplored area, and it is also being linked to paranoia, schizophrenia. We can only hear what the sufferer tells us, it is their challenge and we have to be there for them all.
My brother was diagnosed in his mid to late 20's with paranoid schizophrenia. I am fifty and he is 3 years older. He cannot function in the world, he has been considered disabled for all these years, and he truly is. But he is also an alcohol abuser. There seems to be a link between these disorders and alcoholism, not saying all are alcoholics! But alcohol seems to make the symptoms more severe. Any thoughts on this, Tim?
One of the friends here said she has never known someone with BPD, but I am sure she just never known how many are diagnosed this way. I do hope this is not becoming a blanket for everything considered out of the norm, it only demeans the true suffering people. I have a young relative recently diagnose with BPD, and I have never seen any these symptoms in her. We have to be certain our young people are taught how to deal with life problems, rather than sink into despair when things just don't go their way. That's just called life. Bi polars sink with no warning, and there is nothing to be done about it, without medication.
I also wonder, Tim, if you recall our conversation about a friend of mine with lupus, she is also bi polar, do you think there could be a connection between drugs used for certain physical ailments and BPD? Could these scripts trigger something?
So many questions surrounding bi polar disorder! This is why we cannot pick people apart, we do not know who suffers or how deeply, we need to have compassion for everyone with a life challenge.
Kathy, your info is so valuable, I thank you so much for directing me to this blog!
Tim, you are a wonderful, and truly compassionate man, I pray you find peace in your days to come. Thank you for speaking out on a subject that so taboo when I was growing up. My brother needed all the support of family and friends that he could get, and all he did get were sideways glances and whispers. Imagine how that affected him. How it affected all of us who knew him and loved him. It is so easy to criticize and actually laugh! My brother was always so intelligent, he was so loving and ferociously protective, I miss him so much. We don't know what we have lost in people who suffer with this illness.
I am forever in mourning.

Sheila G. (184)

Monday June 16, 2008, 5:07 am
I read as many posts as I could before I became frustrated with all the misinformation! There is no generalizing with this life altering illness. There are degrees of severity with this mental/chemical disorder. This is still such an unexplored area, and it is also being linked to paranoia, schizophrenia. We can only hear what the sufferer tells us, it is their challenge and we have to be there for them all.
My brother was diagnosed in his mid to late 20's with paranoid schizophrenia. I am fifty and he is 3 years older. He cannot function in the world, he has been considered disabled for all these years, and he truly is. But he is also an alcohol abuser. There seems to be a link between these disorders and alcoholism, not saying all are alcoholics! But alcohol seems to make the symptoms more severe. Any thoughts on this, Tim?
One of the friends here said she has never known someone with BPD, but I am sure she just never known how many are diagnosed this way. I do hope this is not becoming a blanket for everything considered out of the norm, it only demeans the true suffering people. I have a young relative recently diagnose with BPD, and I have never seen any these symptoms in her. We have to be certain our young people are taught how to deal with life problems, rather than sink into despair when things just don't go their way. That's just called life. Bi polars sink with no warning, and there is nothing to be done about it, without medication.
I also wonder, Tim, if you recall our conversation about a friend of mine with lupus, she is also bi polar, do you think there could be a connection between drugs used for certain physical ailments and BPD? Could these scripts trigger something?
So many questions surrounding bi polar disorder! This is why we cannot pick people apart, we do not know who suffers or how deeply, we need to have compassion for everyone with a life challenge.
Kathy, your info is so valuable, I thank you so much for directing me to this blog!
Tim, you are a wonderful, and truly compassionate man, I pray you find peace in your days to come. Thank you for speaking out on a subject that so taboo when I was growing up. My brother needed all the support of family and friends that he could get, and all he did get were sideways glances and whispers. Imagine how that affected him. How it affected all of us who knew him and loved him. It is so easy to criticize and actually laugh! My brother was always so intelligent, he was so loving and ferociously protective, I miss him so much. We don't know what we have lost in people who suffer with this illness.
I am forever in mourning.

Sheila G. (184)

Monday June 16, 2008, 5:19 am
I read as many posts as I could before I became frustrated with all the misinformation! There is no generalizing with this life altering illness. There are degrees of severity with this mental/chemical disorder. This is still such an unexplored area, and it is also being linked to paranoia, schizophrenia. We can only hear what the sufferer tells us, it is their challenge and we have to be there for them all.
My brother was diagnosed in his mid to late 20's with paranoid schizophrenia. I am fifty and he is 3 years older. He cannot function in the world, he has been considered disabled for all these years, and he truly is. But he is also an alcohol abuser. There seems to be a link between these disorders and alcoholism, not saying all are alcoholics! But alcohol seems to make the symptoms more severe. Any thoughts on this, Tim?
One of the friends here said she has never known someone with BPD, but I am sure she just never known how many are diagnosed this way. I do hope this is not becoming a blanket for everything considered out of the norm, it only demeans the true suffering people. I have a young relative recently diagnose with BPD, and I have never seen any these symptoms in her. We have to be certain our young people are taught how to deal with life problems, rather than sink into despair when things just don't go their way. That's just called life. Bi polars sink with no warning, and there is nothing to be done about it, without medication.
I also wonder, Tim, if you recall our conversation about a friend of mine with lupus, she is also bi polar, do you think there could be a connection between drugs used for certain physical ailments and BPD? Could these scripts trigger something?
So many questions surrounding bi polar disorder! This is why we cannot pick people apart, we do not know who suffers or how deeply, we need to have compassion for everyone with a life challenge.
Kathy, your info is so valuable, I thank you so much for directing me to this blog!
Tim, you are a wonderful, and truly compassionate man, I pray you find peace in your days to come. Thank you for speaking out on a subject that so taboo when I was growing up. My brother needed all the support of family and friends that he could get, and all he did get were sideways glances and whispers. Imagine how that affected him. How it affected all of us who knew him and loved him. It is so easy to criticize and actually laugh! My brother was always so intelligent, he was so loving and ferociously protective, I miss him so much. We don't know what we have lost in people who suffer with this illness.
I am forever in mourning.

Beatrix Druery (10)

Monday June 16, 2008, 6:32 pm
Thanks Tim,
I have worked with many people who have this disorder. It is a very difficult one. the more people talk about it, the more they will understand. Take care Tim.

Elle J. (223)

Wednesday June 18, 2008, 3:32 am
I have no idea why I am even responding to comments made to Tim by both Ronald Withrow and Monalisa.I was stunned at the cruel comments made by Monalisa because I thought she was a good friend of Tims. Apparently not to say such things in a public forum. As for you Ronald Withrow, who are you to judge Tim Redfern? Unless you passed away since you posted that tacky comment, just remember your life isn't over and you don't know what you will face. As the Lord once said "Don't take the speck out of your brother's eye, until you remove the log from yours". I think that is a mighty fitting thing to quote. Tim Redfern is really one of my closest friends. We have spoken on the telephone and e-mailed eachother quite frequently. He has suffered much in his life and to find our that people who once considered good friends have turned on him for reasons only known to them. He is kind, compassionate, trustworthy, loyal and is always there to lend a helping hand. You both have behaved disgracefully and you owe him an apology and this group discussion would be the place to do it. You both disgust me!

Elle J. (223)

Wednesday June 18, 2008, 3:44 am
Karen B. I have a bit of advice for you. Never try to disect a friendship.Have you ever trusted anyone? Friendship is believing in someone when others quesion. In all of the time I have known Tim, I have never ever felt that he was less than honest with me and there are things he told me that he didn't have to. I don't have to know everything about a person to befriend them. When they are a friend like Tim, they have my trust and my LOYALTY! If any of you that are critical of Tim are on my friends' list, please feel free to remove yourselves. I am Tim's friend and I intend to remain a very good friend.

Just Carole (359)

Wednesday June 18, 2008, 3:29 pm

I am stunned and disgusted by the unrestrained cruelty and venom spewing of some of the posters here!

Cher C. (485)

Friday June 20, 2008, 1:51 pm

I can not believe what some people have said here... it's disgusting and I am appalled!!
I agree with you Marion, I won't be posting any blogs anytime soon.

At the very least Tim, you are finding out who your real friends are!

You know you can always count on me my friend!

:)

LYG's!!!

BMutiny ThemIDefy (390)

Friday June 20, 2008, 3:15 pm
There WAS a time, when you could DELETE posts on YOUR OWN BLOGS that were not appropriate!
I have done so, when people posting on MY OWN BLOGS attacked ME!!! with rotten, filthy language!

PLEASE TELL CARE2 TO RE-INSTITUTE THAT FEATURE: AT THE VERY LEAST, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DELETE, ABOLISH AND CENSOR PEOPLE ATTACKING YOU ON YOUR OWN BLOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, it would be nice to DELETE the many, many duplicates {and even triplicates!} that have popped up on this thread! SURELY the fault of Care2, more than the fault of the commenters!!!

Tim, I believe that there still is a feature, where ONLY YOUR FRIENDS can post on your blogs! Any bad posts, you can at least BLOCK THOSE FALSE "FRIENDS" FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST and they can't post more thereafter!

However, I THINK IT IS ABOMINABLE, THAT WE ALL POTENTIALLY HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IDIOTS OR ENEMIES OR SABOTEURS OR GOD-KNOWS-WHO POSTING JUST ANYTHING ON OUR BLOGS.
WE should at least be in control ALWAYS, of OUR OWN BLOGS.
This lack of a 'delete' option, will DISCOURAGE ANYONE FROM POSTING ANY BLOGS AT ALL.
Very often what makes a blog or posting interesting or valuable, is the person's DIRECT LIFE EXPERIENCE THEY CAN DRAW ON. Their personal info, in other words.

I know NOTHING about anyone's honesty, etc., blah blah. I know it was very bad taste indeed, and reflects very badly on those who attacked Tim on his own blog -- whether they are "right" or "wrong" DOESN'T MATTER; THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE ATTACKED TIM IN PUBLIC.
And, since there are MORONS in the world, people who CAN'T RESTRAIN THEMSELVES, such people as Tim's 3 false "friends" SHOULD NOT HAVE THE OPTION ON CARE2, OF DISPLAYING ALL THEIR UGLINESS.

When SOME people do this, MORE WILL BE ENCOURAGED TO DO THE SAME.
THIS IS ENTIRELY AGAINST BOTH THE SPIRIT, AND THE LETTER, OF WHAT CARE2 SHOULD BE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get the FORMER 'DELETE' OPTION BACK. It is, as this sorry episode shows, ABSOLUTELY A NECESSITY.

Really sorry you had to put up with this BS, Tim.
Yeah, my friend, ya could be ten times guilty of everything they accuse you of {not that I'd believe it!}; they STILL ought not to attack ANYone in public; and the person attacked SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO OBLITERATE THEM! from their OWN BLOG!
I'd be SO FURIOUS if this had happened to ME..... it could happen to EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU........

Get Care2 to go back to the FORMER policy...... worked fine!!!

Summer Daze (180)

Friday June 20, 2008, 9:54 pm
I absolutely agree with most of the people here. Those *THREE* were totally wrong in what they did. If they have a problem with Tim...they should have contacted him privately. This was NOT about Tim...it was about John Denver and Bi-Polor Disorder. I totally agree with Elle....those three people better watch out. You never know what tomorrow will bring. And I believe what you put out there you get back....they better watch out. When THEIR world comes crashing down on them I wonder if they will even have the sense to realize they brought it upon themselves. It is people like *THOSE THREE* that make you not want to even be a part of places like Care2. They make it miserable for everybody going around attacking everyone. WHO WANTS TO HEAR THIS SH*T??? NOT ME! Like I said before...I was raised well by my parents....and one of the main things I was taught was....if you can't say something NICE...DON'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL! BTW Tim....in my book....*YOU ROCK*! Keep on keepin on! We do *REAP* what we *SOW*! And I can actually say...I am *GLAD* those three people ARE NOT on my friends list! If they were...they wouldn't be any longer. There is no reason for personal attacks like this...no reason at all!!!
Peace, Love and Light...SummerDaze

Tim Redfern (477)

Monday June 30, 2008, 12:21 pm
Again, I want to thank everyone who posted their comments of love and support for me in this blog.

A number of my very closest friends have asked me why I have not deleted the comments that were made by Monalisa, Karen B. and Ronald W. I'll tell you why:

These three people have made public asses of themselves, my genuine friends have rightly taken them to task for it, too. They made asses of themselves in a public blog, and so it's my decision to leave their hateful, hurtful remarks publicly posted for everyone to see, for all of Care2 and the whole world to see their foolishness and their true natures.
I have no problem sharing details of my life with anyone. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to hide.
But again, let my experience be a lesson to everyone; If you publicly post the kind of details about yourself as I have done, you better have a thick skin!, because there might be some Monalisa's, Karen's and Ronald's in YOUR life that you don't know about.....until they show their true colors!
Namaste'!

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AUTHOR: TIM REDFERN

male, age 46
single
Mosheim, TN, USA

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