Where can we turn for help when even professionals are biased? What’s happened to tolerance, understanding and acceptance?

I was watching a repeat of the Dr. Phil show the other day. There was a family, two daughters of a man who had decided to live his life as a woman – Kayla. She made this decision to be a happier, integrated whole person. The issue presented was by her daughters, one of which was a grown adult of 21, who could not accept this decision and refused to accept this transition. The only way they would accept this person was if they returned to the life they has previously been living. This ‘life strategist’ very assuredly took sides with the daughters, who’s anger was palatable, to the extent of insisting that Kayla had put up barricades against her children’s love. They hadn’t spoken in a year and neither party had made a move, contentious –yes, though I would think that a 21 year old, who makes a television appearance has enough composure and intelligence to make a phone call.

How does it come to be that professionals judge and increase the shame and disenfranchisement of those they profess to be helping? Has good ‘TV’ become so sensationalized for ratings that is has taken the place of acceptance, understanding and compassion? When a professional reiterates statements which include ‘murder’ to confront and inflame the issue, how does this work towards healing, sharing and becoming our ‘better’ self?

This guest was repeatedly antagonized by the host who hurled repetitive verbal daggers, admonition and blame. Dr. Phil repeatedly said this was to open dialogue, yet only aggressive and offensive tactics were used.

Kayla admitted to being a detached father and now was ready to be “nurturing and loving” as the integration of body and mind were now complete. Yet, these grown children said, “We don’t have a dad.” By the admission they never had one previously and now there was an opportunity to have a full, loving relationship with the person who would always be their biological father. They insisted they were ‘victims’ of this decision to which the host agreed.

Dr. Phil allowed this incredible anger to be directed at the fragile person, who was in all ways trying to maintain composure under a very stressful situation. He stated, “You put a huge detour in that path (to their love).” There were continued attacks with didactic phrasing with continued pronouncement of ‘You…”, “You…”, “You…”. Yet, this professional said there was no judgement from him, in stating so there is certainly a judgement and the antagonism was clearly indicated by the use of this verbal assault. It is not always what is said that includes the judgement but how it is said and what isn’t said.

As this program continued there were further attacks including late payments with child support. The supposition by the children that the funds were going to pay for Kayla’s hair styling and manicures and pedicures was again greeted by overwhelming agreement by Dr. Phil. Yet, the explanation of a business failure and turn around in the economic environment was passed over like wind in the trees – totally ignored. Now, this was not a great deal of money and there are many other children in worst circumstance than these two girls, one old enough to support her self.

In all of this it was Kayla who was described as selfish, self absorbed and non-caring. Kayla was accused by the host as being defensive. How would any one react under similar circumstance? Dr. Phil described this individual, going through much emotional turmoil, as being flighty and disregarded any other concerns.

The most disconcerting thing about the show, was that through the anger and the tears of this person’s children, was the insouciant grins of self satisfaction. Was this picked up by the host? Certainly not! When the oldest read a poem, there were decisions that her she would not be walked down the aisle by her father, again more smirks from these two supposed victims. Nowhere is it written that this is in stone, I have seen many brides walked down the aisle by there mother or some one else. Was this addressed, again sorrowfully no. How shocked, no matter the circumstance could this be taken by a parent?

Again, Dr. Phil accused Kayla of being Stone faced like waiting for a bus. How is this not yet another judgement, by a professional who legitimizing one side of the dialogue and blind to the other perspective.

For all the words protesting non-judgement, there seems to be little doubt that judgement persists in many forms, something we all need to learn to release on our ‘Path to Light’.