Current mood: thoughtful
It's been a very busy couple of weeks for me. I signed on the house on the 29th of August and have been moving, packing, cleaning, painting, organizing and so on ever since. Tonight I get the last of the stuff from the apartment then it's done.
In the last blog I was talking about finishing up at the apartment. Eleven years is a long time to live anywhere. I've had good and bad times there. Happiness, sorrow and joy as well. All in all, a good life and not it's time to move on.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this past weekend. I have so much going on in my world that I need to mentally play catch up. A lot of it has to do with friends and relationships. Not bad stuff, just perspective.
P and I talked not long ago and he was utterly surprised to find he is ok outside of an intimate relationship. I personally am not surprised since I figured that out long ago (ok, 3 years may not be that long ago, but I figured it out ). However, I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.
The way I see things, I'm looking for someone to compliment me, not complete me. I am already a complete human being, but I need people in my life who are strong and steady in ways that I'm not. I need people who can be strong when I'm not and vice versa. I read the status message of someone I know today and she states that she thinks she found her "soul mate". I don't know what that means.
If you mean the person who compliments your soul, well, I've found two such people and am not intimate with either one of them. I am not made "complete" by my relationships.
Who I choose to involve myself with challenges me to be a better me, or should and accepts the me who I am, not a me that is built up in their mind. I don't care if this is a casual friendship or an intimate relationship. Also, if I cannot provide this type of challenge and acceptance to a friend or loved one, then I'm being a hindrance to the relationship.
These are just thoughts in my head. The "feel, flavor and tone" of my friendships are changing. I don't know if it's because I bought a house or what but they are changing. What I don't know is how I feel about it.
See, I'm not close with my family. Not most of them anyway, ok, hardly any of them anymore but that's not quite the point. I've replaced the family I was born to with really good friends. I can currently count four of them and it feels like I'm losing one. That hurts a lot and I don't know what to do or if I should do anything about it. For the time being, I'm just making myself available and leaving it alone. That seems to be the best course for now.
So yes, I did turn 40 last Wednesday (the 10th of September) and it was good. I was very tired and had worked all day (ok, 7.5 hours but after all the packing and moving it seemed longer). After work, I ran some errands then had dinner with the four above mentioned friends. It was good, relaxing and very enjoyable for me. No rum was involved and while that was a little disappointing it was probably a very good thing. We had dinner at Outback (I chose this restaurant because I had only been to eat there once o.O I know, oddness) and it was good
Then this past Saturday, I had a housewarming/birthday party and forgot to invite half the people who I would have liked to have seen. Which was probably a good thing but now I'm trying to find a way to casually invite said people over to see the house I'm very happy about the house and am actually verging on excited *LOL*
I know this is long. I have a lot in my head today. It's reflective (not the shiny type) thoughts and all. Maybe it's part of getting older . I am about out of steam at the moment and really do need to pretend I have a job *LOL*
Laughter & Light
Currently listening :
Art Of Dying
Release date: 2006-10-03