Hello and thank you for allowing me to join your group.  I have just read one of the blogs and reponded to it with my own story.  I figured I should post it here so that you know a little about me.  But before you read the reason I joined the group I thought I would share that by nature I'm a free-spirit and very happy-go-lucky.  This recent chapter of my life was not one that I expected and certainly not one of a series of drama.  I am not proud of it and quite ashamed.  Today I smile only because I know that while I'm going through these changes I'm also blessed with good health and two very beautiful children!

I divorced in December of 2005 and met my ex-boyfriend in December 2006. Our relationship developed very quickly. There were many "red flags" that hinted abuse and I simply ignored them. I am disappointed with myself for many reasons but the main reason is that I have two children, daughter 9 and son 11 so they were impacted. Initially my ex was good with them and although some bad behavior would creep out from time to time overall he was a decent man. I overlooked that he was married twice before and neither marriage lasted for more than a year. I overlooked that he was an ex-drup abuser who had traded one substance for another (alcohol). Like your ex, mine could be so very charming and would put me on a throne but the next minute I was treated like someone he hardly knew or respected. Long story short, a year and a half later I did move into his home with the promise of marriage and a happy life. Within the first month he was drinking heavily and cussing me out in front of my children. Several months after that there was an incident where he took a beer can and threw it at me from across the room. I had beer all over my hair and face and needless to say it scared me to death. I moved out of his home after being there for less than 6 months. One friend and his wife literally moved me out within an hour and the other handed me a check for $2k to get a nice rental. Even after the children and I were safely out of his home I forgave him and re-introduced him into my life. Why? I couldn't figure out if I was becoming co-dependent or just lazy and didn't want to be "out there" again. After all the promises to change and to stop drinking...I had an overwhelming desire to WANT to make things work. After continued mental and verbal abuse I'm done.

Today I'm free and hopeful.  I still get phone calls and emails...sometimes he wants me back curious to know where we went wrong, sometimes beligerant and accusing me of being the cause of our failure. I just know each day I grow stronger. Each day I look back and see the obvious signs and while I believed I could help him change, it simply was not my job to do so.  There were so many opportunities for me to have made a different choice.  But I didn't...until now.  We learn...even now...we grow and learn, right?

Ms_Articulate