Heidi's Sharebook 

I've explained how spirit manifests and so you're probably wondering why your life doesn't look the way you want it to. Simple - you've been creating it unconsciously and still are. There is so much misinformation in your subconscious programs that have been imbedded since your conception and deepening with each year of your life.

Everything you were told was anything, everything presented to you for consideration has all been part of someone else's fantasy.

Oh well, they didn't know either and operated their whole life the same way you have been - in the dark, mistaking shadows for the truth.

I didn't come here to be a role model but I did come to play a role, to define by analogy and metaphor how this whole creation is created, stepped down to physical plane manifestation. It's called being an avatar, a dirty job (j/k) but some are called to do it. I did it by living my life without knowing what I was doing. Only during my awakening was I aware of this step by step process I'd played out symbolically. The details of my awakening don't matter here, this is for you.

I'll try to explain:

The world you currently are experiencing is your 'dinner plate'. It's full of what you've served up by past beliefs, actions and attitudes. You must first clean your plate before a different meal appears. You can start to manifest a more desirable meal while clearing what you have now. This takes understanding and focus on what you'd prefer. Now keep in mind you can never know all conditions involved in manifesting something new. And there are ALWAYS these attendant conditions with every new creation. Surprises! Because ultimately it's not about you having whatever you desire, it's about evolving a consciousness that is capable of co-creating a reality responsibly, willingly accepting all consequences of their creation.

So, start here, now. Look at where you are and embrace it all as what you have dished out for yourself. Even though done unconsciously, it's still yours and yours alone. Ask yourself what beliefs in you created your reality. If you're living in ways you don't like, find the root feelings, beliefs, and change them. Tell yourself a different story - one more to your liking. Also remember, this is about learning who you truly are thru the experience of being a body. Even as your change there will still be challenges. Some maybe even more difficult than what you're faced with now. You're used to the situation of your life now and these will be new and unfamiliar challenges. Many will wish to give up and go back to familiar difficulties rather than surmount the unknown. Some will think they are having a mental breakdown and this is some ways true. Because indeed your old mental tracks must be broken and new ones laid.

At some point you may even see your life as a personification of a greater myth. This is what happened to me. And it's how I understood the story of how we came to be here and what we are doing here and why. Why had been my lifelong question. What's the point of all this? Something as beautiful as a human life (or any other) had to have a reason more than just being for a time, then disappearing again.

Everyone has a profound reason for participating in life. I found mine, now go and find yours!

Step back and look at the world around you, the greater picture first, and then zoom in on your own seemingly small part.  Think of how you spend your time.. More precisely, what you give attention to.  How much attention do you give the things outside/apart from yourself?  Events in the world take up your conscious energy.  You feed them with your focus.  You have fears based on what these outer forms relay to you.  You have hopes for the same reason.  And in turn they feed you too.  It’s a balanced system and when understood correctly. potentially everything and everyone could win!

You are not your body.  You have a body and this is your manifestation in matter, the best you can do for now.  It is malleable, far more than you can imagine.  Of course it is also destructible if damaged badly enough.  Then you have to start over, take form again.

We must begin to use our imagination in new ways, to see our world and ourselves as fluid and flexible thru the powers of thinking and feeling.

Nothing is as real as it seems and at the same time it is more real than we see it now.

Quantum physicists are discovering what mystics have always known directly.  There is a living, pulsating vital energy within all things, within us. As we learn to separate the real from the imagined we’ll find our whole world has been imagined into what it is today and can just as easily be imagined into a brighter, healthier outcome than what we have now.

Worrying is praying for what you don’t want.

Start with yourself.  See if you can re-imagine a happier outcome in your daily experience.  Use whatever techniques come to you.  Believe ways will make themselves known.  Stay open and alert with a spirit of expectancy.

We need to go back to a more personal time in our lives to work out issues at those stages.  We have made up all the parts of our life as we see it.  We focus.  Many focus on what they don’t want, then add emotional charge to propel the idea faster into manifesting. What we are passionate about, steamed up over, that’s what we manifest quickest.

And this is where the ‘something’ comes out of seemingly ‘nothing’.  It can also be something we are vehemently against, upset over, and unfortunately, the energies being neutral, come to that attraction field too.

At every instant we make up our future by holding to beliefs from our past, by judging the situations as they arrive in our lives today and by projecting our fear or joy based imagination into the future.  We tend to cling to the familiar even if it obviously isn’t working!  Fear of change keeps us stuck in old unskillful patterns.  We need to begin clearing out our closet of negative emotions – the ones that hold us back from the happiness we seek.

The world is a wonderment of complex simplicity.

Every child comes into this world in a native state – mind pure/slate clean.  

She also arrives at just that point of coincidence attracted by his past awareness.

As the child develops, demands are placed on her. The native state is corrupted in this process. Seeing the world thru clear eyes of wonderment is replaced by the false lenses of other’s perceptions and illusions.

From an inner native urge to survive, the child adapts and molds himself into what appear to be false valances based on the programming structured into her particular environment.

The insidiousness of this program is that it is already in place and promulgated by those in the environment who are themselves the 'results' of this same process having shaped them and robbed them of their own native state. I look at this repeating condition and think as Christ did, 'Forgive them for they know not what they do."

Now we are come to a time for disclosure, revelation.

Look at each newborn being. In every one is the seed of their future self, as sure as an apple seed produces an apple tree and not some other species; in fact it produces a particular type of apple variety. It’s coded into the seed. And so it is for each of us.

At this point in our evolution, our social, political and home environment neither recognize nor value what can proceed from a pure native state that has not been warped into a semblance of what the outer environs consider acceptable, and what perhaps may be carrying our salvation if we allow the development of it's true nature.

You who are carrying children at this time or who have young ones at home, ask yourself honestly, “Do I want this little one to have the opportunity to fully become what he is intended by the unique seed within or do I want to create another ‘matching member’ of the social order?”

If you choose the former, then understand great reforms (re-forms) are necessary, both within yourselves and the outer social order. For the freedom of self-expression to thrive, encouragement to conformity must die. Think of the implications of that statement – all forms of encouragement or coercion to conformity must die so that freedom of self-expression can thrive.

Let me suggest that newborn being does not have to be a baby; it can be you, it can be the social or political structure, it can be this whole world.

To be newborn one must first ‘die’ to all old beliefs, cherished or otherwise. One must remove every pinion (o-pinion) and stand free of knowing/believing anything and everything. Then the slate is clean again, our original self shines forth.

To stand for a time ‘not knowing anything’ can be terrifying. What cherished beliefs do you cling to? What is your religious, political and social programming? If you start exploring your beliefs, you’ll find you are packed down heavily with all this stuff.

Let them go, one by one. Just drop them. Ideas of right/wrong, good/bad – drop them. Let each one go until you can look at everything and say ‘I don't know.’ That is your rebirth portal, a place where "preconceived" does not exist.

It seems to have taken us a long time to come so far astray from our original nature. It's in the going astray that we have an opportunity to question our concept of reality and thereby to bring forth now all that has long been hidden to our 3D mentality. That's what it cost for us to clearly see our reflection in the mirror of this world and to understand ourselves for what we truly are – creators every one of us; sculptors and weavers of the world we see.

Image credit to Osho Zen Tarot

“Everything grows together, because we’re all one piece..”

This profound truth seems to still escape us to this day.

What we have now are parts thinking they have separate beingness. Ahd yet, just as the whole body depends on all its parts functioning in a healthy manner, each in their own highest capacity to remain healthy, so can the part understand there is a greater living organism they are supported by and part of. What would happen if for instance, the liver tried to do the work of the kidneys, the brain wanting to take over heart's work. It can’t work that way, each has it’s place and each place is valuable both to itself and to the whole.

From sub-atomic levels spiraling out thru every variance of life thru our grandest conceptions of universes, multiverses, omniverses, whatever you can conceive of is symbiotic – connections within connections ad infinitum.

In this entire system there is neither inside and nor outside. These are only appearances. There is no wall where the universe ends; it spirals out infinitely. And all is subtly connected to everything else. Thus, without inner or outer, without limitation in time and space, only participation is possible.

We give best when we truly express our unique self. What is our unique self? What is it you feel passionately about, what is it you are inclined to do with the skills you have? Can you remember your nature, your native state, before the world started imprinting concepts of good/bad, right/wrong on your clean slate? That’s what you want to recover.
 

By every part returning to it's true nature, all life can live in harmony. As each unit understands their infinite and eternal connectedness to something far greater than their perception as separate selves, we will naturally act from a viewpoint of integrity, not only for the greater benefit of the ALL but we will see this way of being is to our personal benefit as well. Again, think of the metaphor of the human body and it’s parts.

Thru genuine integrity we will find our true power. Thru continual individual self-responsibility we will free ourselves and thereby thru the power of our interconnectedness, all we come in contact with.

By forgetting this basic truth, we have created every kind of terror and imbalance that exists in our world today. By forgetting that our connection acts as a great circle that brings all we think, believe, act upon and speak about back to us as it's source, we have lost our true power and given it over to shadowy illusions of false power on one side and images of helpless victimization on the other.

What you are experiencing today, seeing in the world around you, are remnants of your past thinking, also including the remnants of past thinking from all other parts of this body we are participants in. Pay attention to what you think, how you respond, what you believe, and you will see how you are even today planting the seeds for your future experiences.

As we awaken to our true identity, our cosmic self, these remnants will fall away like scales from our eyes. Our first step is to take full responsibility for what is coming into our awareness that we feel the need to fight against and in that fighting, what it is we are clinging to. This is our separate self; still thinking something else out there is responsible for our feeling bad. Feel the resistance within yourself and then recognize it is not the outer experience that is making you feel bad, but your own resistance to conditions and situations.

Freedom begins in that one step of recognition.

Image credit to Osho Zen Tarot

From Carlos Castaneda's works:

Attributes of a spiritual warrior:

Inner: Control, discipline, forbearance, timing, and will.

Outer: Petty tyrant.

Awareness – astounding scope and mystery of perception (of the mind).

Stalking – differences in perception change the apparently unalterable world (of the heart).

Intent – paradox of the abstract (of the spirit)

To move assemblage: Stalking – control of behavior.

Dreaming – utilizing and controlling dreams.

*****************************************

It’s good not to become too involved with the outer displays of life, with the passing scene. You are the work you are here to do.

I organize my unique world-view out of what I’ve digested and conceptualized previously.  It’s what I ‘believe’.  Everything can fit into my world-view. It encompasses all possibilities.  It is my form.  If new ideas come to me I try them on.  If they fit (suit me, ring true) I integrate them into my wardrobe.  Ideas, or more generally all our mental processes are like clothes we wear, they help us feel warm, happy, safe, contented, and/or attractive.  Or we can use them to be cold, angry, frightened, dissatisfied or undesirable.

Emissaries (spirit guides, messengers,angels - remember, these can look like ordinary people on the surface) can transcend fields of vibration to a multitude of levels, like tuning in to various frequencies on a radio and then transmitting a higher message through the language spoken at that particular frequency.  This is the light piercing the darkness although I personally like to think of it as the light at daybreak.  The message is always the same but it’s told in an infinite number of ways.  Out of one pattern we have many varied reflections.

We are made up of vibration created by our feelings and thoughts (eros and logos).  All of life and the entire universe is created in that manner.  Emotions and ideas create all the worlds we see.  Reality is a magic show.  Everything that is lives in relationship to everything else and shares in an original pattern.

When we are in sync with the original pattern (living in the light) then our life flows smoothly and hindrances only appear as test of sorts, to enable us to change vibratory levels by thinking and feeling differently.  When we are out of sync with the pattern it is like trying to paddle against the current.  Joy is hard to find and short-lived when we go against the flow.  This is how we have free will and yet are to eventually return to our original state. After much sorrow and non-fulfillment we ask for light. And then come the emissaries, wherever we are, and express to us in a language we can understand, how to turn around because essentially that’s all that is required. 

Another way to put this is when we turn away from the light to seek the world, our higher self is still and always with us as that light. But by turning our back, everything we look toward is darkened by our own shadow.  When we turn toward the light, then our shadow no longer covers anything we see.

The way to lighten up is by shifting focus.  Negative feelings come from focusing on what causes us pain. Stop looking! Shift energy by ignoring the sore area and lightening up with something whimsical or foolish, like a funny movie.  By focusing negative feelings on anything we are feeding it until it gets big enough to eat us!  We think of ourselves as so important that everything in our world has to suit us or we will pout about it.  What a waste.  Let’s be joyful.  Let’s find and do the things that breed happiness.  Let’s stop looking at what’s wrong. 

Sometimes I forget how relatively unimportant everything is and take it all too seriously, take myself too seriously.

Life has a reality of it’s own no matter how we try to manipulate or define it.  Life is.

Life is a stage on which we play out parts.  Most of us play out many roles in one life.  Sometimes we may recognize our true self, the no-part in the all-part.

Why are we here?  What does it all mean?

We give meaning to life by defining it, by stating it’s function and calling it by certain names.

We separate ourselves from truth by believing we now understand.  When in fact we are like sleepwalkers, seeing only the forms we project in our dream states.  Reality precedes all definition.  Like life, it just is.  We need first though, to awaken.

In order to accelerate that awakening we can begin by looking at our reactions to the passing forms we encounter in our dream state.  And recognizing in that reaction that we are believing in a form that we have given meaning.

All existence has it’s own reasons for being.

What’s your reason?  Why are you here? Only you can answer that.  Others can at most only point out ways that helped them to their answers. The primary call is to awaken.  Then no explanations are necessary and before that all explanations are distractions.

We don’t need to understand where conditioning comes from, we merely need to recognize and remove it.

Buddha is credited to having said this need to know is like a person who is mortally wounded with a poison arrow but won’t let the arrow be removed until they know who shot the arrow, where they live, what kind of wood they used to make it, what type of bow shot it, etc., etc., until it’s too late and they die of the poison.

Would you fix your nightmare if you knew how, or would you rather awaken from it altogether?  The nightmare is feeling overwhelmed, overpowered, by something separate from us.  We’ve been conditioned to think of ourselves as separate.  All just bits and pieces of a giant puzzle that we are trying to understand.  In the nightmare the puzzle is in pieces.  To try and fix the nightmare we give meaning to the other pieces that they don’t have but that we feel more comfortable with than the previous meaning we’d been conditioned to believe.  This can work and can even turn the nightmare into a pleasant dream.  Most of us would be happy just to be able to accomplish that.  The idea of actually awakening usually isn’t even in our conditioning.

And yet throughout time there have always been small groups forging ahead into new and different (unconditional?) territory.

We are all divine beings with co-creative abilities that we use all the time whether we realize it or not.

Want and fear are lenses through which we see our world.  We want people, situations, ourselves to be certain ways.  We fear they won’t.  Buddha called it desire and aversion.  It’s what fuels our illusions and keeps us from wholeness on non-duality.  Wholeness allows us to recognize the One in all, the unfolding perfection even in a seeming of chaos.

Why are we here? Are we seeking truth, are we seeking ourselves, are we seeking God? We all have our own reasons; we’re all seekers.  How great is our passion to find what we seek?  Are we really open?  Do we have sufficient commitment to go through it at least part of the way?

Whenever we commit ourselves to a particular path of action we are using intention.  Intention, especially when focused, creates a channel for responsive energies to come to us.  These may appear as obstacles if there are still qualities within ourselves that need looking at before we become one with our goal.

If we want to accelerate our path, we can use introspection.  Watch for themes that have the ability to dominate your consciousness.  Recognize them as illusions.  With recognition they fade.  It takes effort and practice.  Whenever we alter our attitudes we alter our lives.

Desire for enlightenment is still desire.  It’s still separate self, ego, wanting what we don’t think we have. It’s still duality.

I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with duality.  It’s part of the cosmic dance.  The most common reason we seek enlightenment, understanding and awakening is to escape the suffering we feel as a result of our attachments.  When there is no suffering and no attachment, duality is a fun game to play.  There are other reasons as well.  Jung said, “We must first see the energy as outside ourselves before we can integrate it back within”.  And Nietsche said “One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star.”

Let’s love and accept ourselves for being where we are.  If we can do that for ourselves we will find it easier to give that gift to others too.

If we try too hard to make something happen before it’s time, it happens, but with trauma.  By knowing what to expect and then trusting the process we can more easily focus on simply doing the job at hand and then the one after that, etc.  Whether in meditation or in activity, this allows us a gentler awakening, much like letting a flower unfold naturally. Think of a rose bud slowly opening in the warmth of the sun.

We are made up of vibration created by feeling and thought (again, Eros and Logos).  All of life and the entire universe is created in this manner.  Emotions and ideas create all the worlds we see. Reality is a magic show.  Everything that is lives in relationship to everything else and shares in an original pattern.  When we are in sync with the original pattern, then life flows with us and around us.

And now a word from Ilianna Offtrack

What is love?

When I say I love more (or less), what changes within?  Here is an exercise to determine for yourself:

Imagine right now something or someone that you really love, allow yourself to 'go there' and personally experience the ‘love factor’.  Another way of feeling what love is in is the following self-suggestion.

Find a comfortable position and close your eyes.  Now imagine yourself at the center of a loving, caring maxi-system that is throbbing with love for you.  Feel yourself being loved by all things.  If you do this successfully (and it is fairly easy) then you will feel a natural high and you will also know what love is, where its core resides.  And you will see that you and love are the same thing.  Everything else is overlay on your core, which, like the sun, simply shines.  It can do no other.

And that’s all love, at its purist, is.  It is that ‘feeling loved by’ feeling spilling over shining outwardly. It is the fire that blazes all of life into being.