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Aug 20, 2008
  Having ADD SUCKS! I'm sitting here trying to decide what to write about, and a million things are going through my mind. Well, I guess since this started with ADD, we'll discuss that, for a moment. Having the attention span of a housefly is not much fun. Not to mention, I forget EVERYTHING, and complete NOTHING, I'm ALWAYS late, if I remember to show up at all. I tried medication for it, but after a while, it stopped working, soooo, I "smoke." I'm very aware of it being illegal, but nothing helps the ADD quite like pot does. It actually slows me down enough to where I can focus one ONE thing. I don't get "high," I get "normal." My parents even support my decision on this, and they don't agree with anyone one else in the family doing it.  I have been allowed to smoke my "special cigarettes" in their bathroom and on their front porch. Anyone else would get a SERIOUS ass-whoppin' for this.
  OK, on to something else...The relationship stuff. I am not actively looking for a relationship. I have always put my children first, and continue to do so. I don't have the time or energy to go out. I'm sure if I socialized more, I'd meet more men, but I'm just not interested. I am, however, interested in being a good mother. My main priority is raising 2 amazing boys. I just wouldn't feel right, leaving them with a sitter to go out. I don't drink and wouldn't want to meet anyone in a bar, anyway. I'm comfortable with my life just as it is....except for the NO SEX part. I'm aging VERY well, so hopefully Nature will continue to be so kind. I have recently been asked out by college boys, so I guess that's why I'm not in a rush......
 

 
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Posted: Aug 20, 2008 9:28am
Aug 19, 2008

  Not long ago, I found a great radio station. They play mostly 80's and 90's music, mixed with some great current stuff. Well, listening to music that I grew up to and came of age to, has had me flooded with memories of the past. Do you ever wish you could go back in the past and change just one thing? There are a few things I'd like to change, but, if I had to pick just one, it would be this...
  It was a huge joke between my friends and my mom and I. I once said, "The perfect man would be good in bed, easy on the eyes, and dumb as a fuckin rock." Well, guess what?...That's exactly what I got! He couldn't have come at a better time, though. I had just split with my ex aka The Gorilla. He was the perfect "boy-toy." The perfect guy to party with and sleep with, he was BEAUTIFUL. And, I RARELY use that word to describe a man.
  The Universe has a really screwed up sense of humor. Because the "dumb thing" REALLY got in the way. ALL the great sex in The World couldn't make up for interesting and/or intelligent conversation. I couldn't believe this Cosmic prank that had been played on me. I have chalked it up to having to pay a Kharmic debt, a really BIG one. I SO wish I could have discovered this BEFORE I married him. Granted, we made an incredible child together. But, how long should one have to suffer because of two words..."I do," and a temporarily loss of sanity? I really let my hormones rule my life back then. 
  I could be over analizing myself, but maybe THIS could be the root of the TORTURE I've been putting myself through for the last two years. I'm punishing myself for letting great sex get in the way of my thinking! Damn, I think I just solved the problem that my shrink has been trying to help me figure out. That bitch is fired, and I really need to have sex soon......   

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Posted: Aug 19, 2008 12:32pm
Aug 18, 2008
  I was talking to a Care2 friend on the phone a few days ago. He insinuated, very "polite-like," that I MAY have a bitter attitude towards men and relationships. I really don't like to think of it as "bitter," I like "jaded," it just sounds better. Well, I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days. When it was discussed, I was trying to avoid the subject. So, now, that I'm prepared, I would like to respond to this friend.  
  Just because I haven't been laid in almost 2yrs, doesn't mean I need to be actively man-hunting. During this time, I could have gotten laid if I wanted to, but sex is a sacred thing to me. When I give my body to someone, it's a religious experience for them, as well, just kidding. (Actually, I'm VERY serious!) Unfortunately, the VERY select few men I would consider having sex with, live too far away!
  You said that I must have been burned really bad in past relationships. Well, guess what? Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! I went from one extreme to the other- From one man who tried to dominate me and control me, who screwed around on me, and left me when I was pregnant. Then on to the most spineless, pathetic, wuss of a man I have ever known. Who was afraid to initiate sex, and who was closer to his mama, than he was his wife. 
  If I could find a "happy medium," maybe I wouldn't feel the way I do about men. I'd like a man with balls, who would stand up to me, when need be, but lets me be myself. A man who's not afraid to have his own life and let me have mine. A take-charge kind of guy, who's not above shoving me against a wall, while kissing me, a manly man, who can fix things. I haven't found such a creature, not in my immediate area, anyways. Hell, I might actually travel to meet this guy! If you happen to run across this man, send him in my direction, then maybe I'll change my mind. Til then..."I'll stay...master of my domain."
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Posted: Aug 18, 2008 6:16am

 

 
 
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Lana S.
, 5
Calloway Corners, AA, USA
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