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Feb 10, 2008

Sunday, September 30, 2007

...so now what?

It is now nearly eight months since Gordon died. He had a peaceful death with myself and our friend, Mary, by his side; his funeral was wonderful and he would have loved the Triumph motorcycle and sidecar hearse!

I have done the Glastonbury Festival, visited friends, been to France and, most important of all, been back home to Dzogchen Beara where we scattered some of Gordon's ashes by the prayer flags overlooking the new Spiritual Care Centre where he had wanted to die...but now what?

Life stretches ahead of me; perhaps one more day, perhaps forty more years...all without the Love of my Lives by my side. Every day I turn around to find him no longer there...I miss his smile, his ready laughter, his love of the absurd and his joy of being. I miss holding him and feeling the warmth of his heart infusing my soul...every day.

Sometimes I'm surprised that I can keep breathing because it hurts so much; sometimes I'm surprised that I can still smile and laugh...and I know I owe that to Gordon too. Half an hour before he died, I promised him that every breath I took , I would take for him and that I would live the rest of my life for him; that promise has kept me going through some extremely dark moments. I know that the last thing that Gordon would want for me is to hurt as much as I do...I can't help hurting but I can help letting that emptiness define me; I love him far too much to let that happen.

This will probably be the last entry in this blog as my Velvet Peanut is no longer here with me...if anyone ever reads this, know that somethings are worth having your heart broken for.


For Gordon...always.
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Posted: Feb 10, 2008 3:49am
Mar 8, 2007
An inspirational short film about facing death...

Gordon is dying of cancer. In this "Three MinuteWonder" programme shown on British TV this week, he talks about his death with grace, humour and love. This is a wonderful film which should be seen and shared by as many people as possible...please follow the link below to watch it online, then simply click the screen at the side of the page.

www.amarillofilms.com/jamescaddick/wonders05.htm

Gordon made this film in the hope that it might be of some help to anyone facing their own mortality but it is, primarily, a life-affirming piece for us all. Please watch and pass it around...

Julie (Gordon's wife)
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Posted: Mar 8, 2007 6:33am
Mar 8, 2007
Name: Gordon Francis
Type: Tribute (for the living)
To Honor: Individual(s)
Location: , United Kingdom
An inspirational short film about facing death...

Gordon is dying of cancer. In this "Three MinuteWonder" programme shown on British TV this week, he talks about his death with grace, humour and love. This is a wonderful film which should be seen and shared by as many people as possible...please follow the link below to watch it online, then simply click the screen at the side of the page.

www.amarillofilms.com/jamescaddick/wonders05.htm

Gordon made this film in the hope that it might be of some help to anyone facing their own mortality but it is, primarily, a life-affirming piece for us all. Please watch and pass it around...

Julie (Gordon's wife)
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Posted: Mar 8, 2007 1:23am
Feb 6, 2007


Countdown to Dzogchen Beara! Thursday will see us off to Ireland for another wonderful week of peace and meditation. Gordon is suffering a bit from the after effects of last week's chemo but he's rallying now and the prospect of a trip "home" always cheers him up.
The site for the new Spiritual Care Centre is being prepared (hope it's not too noisy!) and Gordon will do some more filming for the fund raising/training group...then they'll have dark haired Gordon, Brown haired Gordon and bald Gordon to watch! It's weird to know that he's working to help establish a place where he'll go to die...but neither of us can think of anywhere better to be.
Do go to www.dzogchenbeara.org and follow the links to the Spiritual Care Centre...it's worth it!
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Posted: Feb 6, 2007 1:34am
Apr 9, 2006

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Posted: Apr 9, 2006 2:24pm
Apr 9, 2006
What a wonderful world this is that we live in!! Have had great support and encouragement from the "Mind, Body, Spirit- the Holistic Way" group on the fabulous Care2.com site http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/MBS ...so many lovely people there!!



Plus we have had fantastic healings...well, Gordon mainly! Matthew Manning in Suffolk is outstanding (www.matthewmanning.com ) and has helped Gordon to regain his eyesight; then the Coping with Cancer charity in Leicester put us in touch with Ali Ladak...another wonderful healer who does a seated Japanese accupressure treatment- amazing stuff!!



All of which girds the loins for the 4th ( and, hopefully, last for a bit!) chemo course on Thursday...the oncologist couldn't see any further growth on the last x-ray of Gordon's lung tumours- hurrah!! But we are both looking forward to a break from the old Gemcitabine/Cisplatinum routine...



...and so I decided to get our my backside and do something to commemorate this moment and get myself and Fran ( now 18 year old daughter) to do the Race for Life in Loughborough in June...check out page www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/julieannfrancis for details etc. The lovely Chuck, who is a record producer in America and has re-released two of Gordon's albums, responded straight away...double hurrahs for Chuck!! As I said, what a wonderful world we do live in!!

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Posted: Apr 9, 2006 2:24pm
Apr 9, 2006
A really lovely cat...ran off en route to the vet last year. We still hope he'll find his way back to us!
 
Album: A much missed lost cat...


by 1 new, 223 total207 totalJulie Francis (70)
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Posted: Apr 9, 2006 1:55pm
Mar 24, 2006
Loopy lurchers...mad cats...but gorgeous places!!
 
Album: Animals & Landscapes


by 1 new, 223 total207 totalJulie Francis (70)
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Posted: Mar 24, 2006 10:39am
Mar 19, 2006
Cancer Research UK is holding its annual fund raising run this summer...my daughter and I will be doing the Race for Life on 18th June, 2006 at Loughborough in Leicestershire.

Check out the main site www.raceforlife.org  and our own fund raising site http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/julieannfrancis and please consider helping us to reach our target!
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Posted: Mar 19, 2006 3:17am
Mar 13, 2006
Have just retuned from a 6 hour round trip to Suffolk to take Gordon to see Matthew Manning....check out his site www.matthewmanning.com This guy is a wonderful healer and a truly amazing person! Since seeing him, Gordon's cancer has become stable and he has regained his eyesight- Matthew insists that Gordon needs to do his chemo as well but we both feel that the chemo on its own would not have been as effective or as well tolerated without the extra energy that Gordon says pulses through him during his sessions in Suffolk.

I cannot recommend this guy enough...he is the real deal!
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Posted: Mar 13, 2006 10:14am

 

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Julie Francis
, 2, 2 children
Swadlincote, Non-us, United Kingdom
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