I am a big, warm, kind but ferocious Bear (not a teddy bear). An equalist. Danish, well spoken, loyal, caring, history buff, spiritual, ACDF, socially anxious, musical, artistic, dog owner, married, and Jewish.
What am I about?
My life is dedicated to Tikkun Olam - Mending The World - if need be one being at a time. I don't have time for stupidity, I have no patience with arrogance, false humility, hypocrisy or intellectual dishonesty. If I think you are either of the above, I will call you on it. I will say that the Emperor is naked, even if the whole world says he is dressed and even if it hurts the Emperor's feelings.
I am very passionate about Human Rights, Children's Rights and Equal Rights, and chances are that if you are not, I am going to be up your rear with a chainsaw.
I believe that G-d, the Creator of all there is, meant us to be His hands, eyes and voice to each other in Life. That is the task we have been charged with, and that is what we are here to do. It doesn't matter to me what path you choose to do this on, as long as that is what you are doing.
In addition to being a Bear, I am also an Ogre - like Shrek - and like all Ogres I am bound to respond forcefully to kicks in the groin, burnings of my house, beating of my kids and friends. I am also VERY grumpy in the morning. I am true to myself, not to you or to social conventions. I have been through and seen so much bull crap and horse manure in my life, that I'll bet my last dime that I recognize both when they come across my path. If you poop on my floor, I will ask you to scoop it up and put it in the trash. If you do, that's the last you will hear about it, if you don't, if you don't, I'll come after to you till you do or one of us die, which ever comes first.
Here are all the blogs that I am allowed to link to on Care2:
"These were the days before Yom Kippur. I was lonely and couldn't figure out why. The loneliness had been there for months.
Things were good with my wife and kids. I'd been on the phone with my sisters and in close contact with my friends.
So, what was the source of this loneliness?
I was missing G-d.
I was and had been feeling distant from Him. A strange feeling for me. Even in my late teens I had been able to connect with Him when I needed to. He always answers my calls. Sometimes I don't even need to call. I just feel his companionship as I journey through life.
But these last months had been lonely. I had been separate from Him, unable even to call out. And I didn't know why.
Just before Yom Kippur, I received an e-mail from a friend. He's not a religious Jew, though we discourse often about G-d and Torah. He's a writer and has a way with words. We also share the same disease, and talk much about our symptoms, history, fears, treatments and aches. There's a special something that happens with people who share the same disease. We never have to worry about boring each other. All our concerns and obsessions about the daily changes in our health or symptoms, our latest internet discoveries about new cures and clinical trials may bore others, but are continuously fascinating to us.
At the end of this email my friend wrote: "Jay, this Yom Kippur, I don't think you should go to shul and ask G-d for forgiveness. This Yom Kippur you should stay home and G-d should come crawling on His knees and beg you to forgive Him for what He's done to you."
When I read these lines I laughed. My friend is a sacrilegious provocateur. He believed what he said, but he mainly wrote those words to shock me. I filed his words, but paid them little attention.
As Yom Kippur drew close, I continued to wonder what was taking place between G-d and me. I worried that this day of prayer and fasting would be void of the usual connection that Yom Kippur brings.
And then in a flash I realized that I was angry at G-d. And had been for some time. I was angry about my disease and I was angry that I was not yet healed. I was angry about my pain. And I was angry at the disruption to my life, the fear, the worry and anxiety that my disease was causing my family and those who loved and cared about me. I was angry about the whole thing, and He, being the boss of everything that happens in the world, was responsible and to blame.
And so, I entered Yom Kippur angry at G-d.
I put on my kittel and my tallit and I went to shul."(excerpt from very long article)
I can't help but feel that this is very apt for me, and I am sure for many in Recovery - one reason we have trouble working the Steps that includes G-d. We are angry with G-d, we feel that G-d has deserted us, cheated us, let us face all kinds of horrible things alone, and you know what?
But that is not the end of the story, when we realize that what we have been through, as horrible as it was (and still is for many) it has also made us the persons we are today. We have picked some very useful skills, that perhaps originally were meant to protect us as children. Most of what we learned as children is not useful to us.
Hyper vigilance f.i is not useful - but if we look at hyper vigilance we see that trimmed down to functional levels through the Program, it is nothing but a very keen sense of observation, an eye for detail and context - that is useful.
My wife said that being bullied in school has taught her compassion.
My need for control has resulted in a very neat skill - I can read virtually any document up-side down. Being dyscalculic has given me a very good memory for numbers. The fact that my caregivers never bothered to teach me things means that I have a knack for learning by watching others do, this helps me when I need to learn complicated sequences, something I have trouble with because of my dyscalculia.
So while G-d let us go through all the crap, and it wasn't fair, and we have every right to be angry with Him, at one point or other we have to let G-d off the hook for His shortcomings, because it has made us who we are - and who we are is good, perfectly imperfect and as it should be. As much as we need G-d to reason with us, as much do we need to reason with G-d, so that scarlet and crimson can become snow white and as wool (Yeshayahu 1:18)
The Days of Awe and Yom Kippur is as good a time as any to start.