22,405,663 members doing good!
about our ads
share your passions, stories, inspirations, and more
Men Cry Too
Apr 25, 2007
original Blog Art - © Henric C. Jensen aka Shadow Bear

Check out http://www.oldmencrying.com/Images.htm#

Especially look at the Images - this site is so moving and thought provoking...

Article: Big Girls and Boys Don’t Cry


Stories by Ebony M. Moore. Art by Venkat Kathoju.

Men are stereotyped as too tough to cry, but those interviewed say displaying emotions doesn’t make them less masculine.

Sin and disobeying God were the sermon topics.

Keenon House silently wept while sitting in the church pew thinking about the things in life he should have been doing.

Five minutes later, his eyes were dry.

“I was thinking about how I wasn’t living according to the Bible, not repenting for my sins,” the computer science and engineering junior said as he recalled the experience from two years ago.

Although House said he is not a big fan of crying in public, he’s not totally against it. However, he said he believes that drawing attention by screaming and hollering is embarrassing and bad.

Men are often viewed as “big boys who don’t cry,” but House and two others describe how public display of emotion doesn’t make a person less of a man. A man’s environment may also determine how likely he is to shed tears.

“For years, men have been stereotyped and generalized as being the people who won’t and don’t cry,” said Jeffery Clark, an Arlington psychotherapist.

According to bodett.com, crying is by far the hardest emotion for men to handle. Dr. Clark, a 1994 Social Work alumnus, said that’s because men don’t do it very often — they are either angry, happy, mad or sad. He said many men are taught that it’s not OK to show or express their emotions.

The Web site also states that men prefer not to cry, while women cry a whole lot more, maybe because they have a more to cry about.

The online article “Toxic Tears: How Crying Keeps You Healthy” by Charles Downey quotes Tom Lutz, a University of Iowa English associate professor and author of Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears, as saying that crying occurs when someone can’t think of any other way to verbally express emotions. Downey also writes that crying can be an escape; it allows people to turn away from the cause of their anguish, and inward toward their own bodily sensations.

Economics senior Michael Freeman believes that if a man cries, it doesn’t mean that he is weak but that he values other’s emotions. He said he thinks the stereotype about men crying is a lie.

“At some point in their lives, all men have cried or will in the future,” Freeman said. “I am not ashamed to say that I have.”

He said that as a grown man, only death, injury and imprisonment could make him cry. He said he has probably cried less than 30 times, whereas he estimates the average woman has cried definitely more than 100 times.

Freeman said he thinks that whether a man was raised by his mother or father could determine his sensitivity level. A man who was raised by his mother could be more likely to cry than a man raised by his father.

“If a man is raised by his father, he will be told not to be weak or that crying is for sissies,” he said. “Whereas a man raised by just his mother may not be subjected to something like that.”

Clark said this stereotype could be true because a person’s environment affects his personality.

He added that someone in his 20s would have an easier time expressing his emotions compared to someone in his 50s because of the generation gap and how they were raised.

However, pre-engineering freshman Jermaine Martin disagrees. He said a man raised by his mother would be harder and stronger so he could protect her. He said that although he grew up in an environment with both his parents, he would be stronger if he had to be the man of the house.

House said he doesn’t think that crying makes him less of a man. He said that because he was raised by his mother and sister, he is sensitive.

“It gave me an inside look on how women are, but it didn’t turn me into a punk because of it,” House said. “I learned to gain strength from my mother because my father wasn’t around.”

Women cry about everything, according to stereotypes, but those interviewed say they try to find emotional outlets.

After class like usual, Lauren Massey clicked the easy-listening icon on her PC and instant-messaged her best friend.

She also decided to call him long distance, but instead of their usual conversation of friends and family, the two talked of God’s existence and health.

Moments later, Massey sat in front of her computer in silence, tears streaming down her face.

She learned that her friend was dying of cancer.

It was the first time in four months that Massey had cried.

“I usually never cry,” Massey said. “It doesn’t solve anything or make me feel better. It makes me feel worse.”

A typical image is that women cry about anything, but for some women this isn’t true. Like the stereotypical man, two female students agreed that crying is a sign of weakness. One described why she changed her mind, and Massey explained her alternatives to crying.

Jeffery Clark, an Arlington psychotherapist, said some women don’t cry because they were physically or sexually abused and realize that expressing their emotions could lead to more abuse.

Massey is not like most women. She said she believes that crying is a weakness and shows vulnerability.

“I never want anyone to see that part of me,” she said. “When I was younger, my mother cried a lot. Now that I am older, I think that she was a weak individual for not being able to handle herself and everyday issues.”

Massey said that she was taught that crying in front of people is not a good thing. Her grandmother with, whom Massey lived, was the kind of person who never shed tears around others.

Broadcast communication sophomore Tiffany Westley agrees that crying is a sign of weakness. She said that it is OK for a person to let down her guard in front of a family member but not in front of a crowd.

When history junior Marcela Pacheco was pregnant, 10-hour labor pains and delivery made her cry in public. She said that before she was pregnant, she never cried in front of anyone because she felt that her emotions were nobody’s business.

“During the pregnancy, I realized that there were more important things to worry about than what other people thought,” she said.

She said that crying became important because it helps to reduce built-up emotions. It can help to relieve stress, and it seems healthier than beating something or throwing things, she said.

According to the article “Toxic Tears: How Crying Keeps You Healthy” by Charles Downey, displaying feelings and emotions can help maintain good health. He also reports that “85 percent of women and 73 percent of men reported feeling better and more relieved after a good cry.”

Downey also agrees with William Frey II, a biochemist and tear expert at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, Minn., who said, “It isn’t proven yet, but weeping has most likely served humans throughout our evolutionary history by reducing stress.”

Instead of crying, Massey said she expresses her emotions through activities like working out, talking to a therapist, driving around, eating or listening to music.

Clark said he usually tells his patients to write things in a journal that are bothering them and talk to someone who will listen and cares about them.

“If you don’t express your emotions, it can turn into depression or a personality disorder, which is another big problem,” Clark said.
(0) | () | | send green star | flag as inappropriate
Visibility: Everyone
Tags: , , , , ,
Posted: Apr 25, 2007 4:21pm

 
 
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.

Author

,

Shares by Type:
All (468) | Blog (447) | Alert (1) | Poll (1) | Recipe (1) | Message (18)

Showing shares tagged with: crying [show all]
ads keep care2 free
SHARES FROM 'S NETWORK
No shares

Copyright © 2013 Care2.com, inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved