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Is the path to Truth full of joy and light?
Feb 20, 2007

Here's the thing that is happening for me.

God, a divine and intelligent being, of a nature and sort that defies my own comprehension, has been calling upon me to seek the truth for a very long time. My first recollection of consciously questioning was in Grade 3 and I even ventured to church on my own with a school chum. Throughout the years, dealing with the baggage that has amassed in all spiritual and religious corners of society from a child's perspective, I avoided religious people and religion like the plague, as well as other pseudo-spiritual new age movements. For some, the reasons may be obvious, for others, they may wonder why. This isn't what matters.

What does matter is that in spite of all the amassed negativity I experienced, the prodding, poking, and tugging continued until one day I did finally become a Christian and committed myself wholly to the process and discovery for 4 straight years. This occurred at a cross-roads that entailed a near-death illness that prompted me to choose a religion. Was it right? Was it wrong? Religion isn't the point either though, or so I've since learned. Religion is full of holes and my experience of it affirms this fact. This does not mean to say it has no value, as religion is chock full of values! So what then is the point?

After leaving religion, deciding I didn't want anything to do with spirituality, I was now mid-30's and yet again, that tugging, prodding, and poking showed up. From where? Why does it bother me so? Why me? I've answered some of these questions, and feel these answers may still yet be incomplete. It is the force of God acting upon my life, as He has done since I was at least 8 years old. It bothers me simply due to the nature of man as a spiritual being, and the simple fact that I'm sensitive enough to pick up on this trigger, even though there has been no family influence to support or encourage it in my early life. The reason why me is simple too. This tug is there in everyone as a natural part of our design. So what now and why is there still so much conflict appearing here on my blog?

There are a couple of reasons that come to mind. First and foremost is my own personal journey of discovery. Seeking out answers in today's world leads down many false paths, or maybe it is just a path that a doesn't work for me personally. I'm always amazed at how many different Truths are claimed and how much contradiction exists. Choose, find freedom, come this way, let go here, grab on there, and anyone in their right mind looking at all of these different things who absolutely knows that Yes, there is a god, is going to go off the deep end trying to choose the correct path. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't, is the experience of anyone not certain of what Truth to believe; I know I certainly struggled with making the right choice when I was at that crossroad. Who do we believe? The religion? The people? This obviously leads to the second reason my blog is as it is, in all of its ups and downs.

Life is full of ups and downs and I've come to recognize this as sure as the one day is sunny and another day is rainy. Conflict in life is what polishes the soul, hones the man, sharpens the mind, and teaches us consequence -- just to name a few!! Beliefs I've come to adopt surreptitiously are challenged, examined, and able to be let go, modified, or enlarged. Traps I've fallen into are explored, as I also explore my own self -- my mind, my emotions, and the elusive spirit. People might say spirit is not so elusive, and yes, that may be so. However, my experience with it is that grasping the truth of spirit is elusive with the influence of ego another reality worth challenging ourselves over. Were I so quick to accept what pops up, it may just be my own hedonistic ego subversively keeping me from the fullest possible truth!! Wouldn't you be willing to examine this possibility further, particularly if the best experience of life and relationship with God were at stake?

So again, more perceived negativity, more questioning, more exploring, more sitting in the funk, more climbing out of the hole, and so on. Why I share all of this is simple really. First, the writing allows me a vehicle and medium with which I can explore ideas, topics, the subconscious, and quite probably spirit, and the conflict of ego. I know that sharing this can also challenge others; I see this as a good thing. Sometimes it may make them uncomfortable, sometimes I am challenged, sometimes I'm criticized, and often times I'm encouraged.

Truly, I wonder, is the path to enlightenment, freedom, and truth really so easy?

Listening to some of the replies and admonitions of others, I'd suspect that the easy road may be another trap. Yes, I could be wrong, and yet, I could also be right. The main reason for this doubt I have is that the judgment I hear in their replies is about making me wrong in my current experience, who I am, and how I am engaged in my process. Since when has an experience ever been for wrong? Any experience, given any moment in our lives is full of the greatest potential of rightness through the simple and common, unequivocal reality of a force called cause and effect. What is this opportunity here to teach me? Is not the divine intelligence able to utilize any situation to bring people closer in relationship to the Holy? Is not the Holy responsible for the force of cause and effect? Has not the Holy designed creation to function in multitudes of complex fashions that defy our mere reasoning abilities?

Here is why I'm confident that the truth is still yet to be fully known: God is real, and we are not God. We may become like god, or be like gods, as Jesus himself also said, except the simple fact is that I am here, in this physical body, and no matter how much meditating I do, no matter how much I embrace my own godliness, no matter how much I embrace abundance, manifesting, and so on, there is still, and yet, another Force acting upon my life for a purpose that is designed to bring me closer to the potential of being fully in relationship with God.

Half-truths, partial-truths, little snippets here and there are great and helpful, and yet, like appetizers they do not sate my appetite for the whole truth.
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Posted: Feb 20, 2007 3:12pm

 
 
 
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Lee Down
male, age 45, single
Vancouver, BC, Canada
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