We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, this includes:
all the Northeast, California, Hawaii, Oregon, Illinois, Wisconsin, Washington, Minnesota and Michigan. Florida and anyone with some common sense can come, too. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly, you get Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama, and all the slave states. We get stem cell research, the best beaches, Yosemite, Hollywood, the Liberty Bell, and the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs along with Apple, Intel, and Microsoft. You get WorldCom, or what's left of it. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to figure out how to make your red states pay their fair share.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. Apparently, they have kids they're willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in your president Bush's quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will enjoy 80% of the country's fresh water, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit and lettuce, 95% of America's quality wines (which shouldn't be a big deal for you guys since we know how much you love serving French wines, right?), 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, plus the entire Ivy League and Seven Sister schools, including Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
The Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Clemson, the University of Georgia. and Bob Jones University.
Oddly, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 44% say that evolution is only a theory.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families while you get a bunch of single moms and 62% who believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws. And for some reason, you crazy bastards believe you have higher morals than the rest of us!
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico. Good luck with that.
The Humane Society Legislative Fund -- the nation’s only group that tracks on a nonpartisan basis the voting records of Members of Congress and works to hold them accountable -- needs your help on an urgent election issue. We are working to let voters in Michigan’s 9th Congressional District know about U.S. Rep. Joe Knollenberg’s terrible record on animal cruelty -- one of the worst records in the entire country. Click here to see our TV ad highlighting Knollenberg's terrible record.
But now, just days before the election, Joe Knollenberg is paying for radio ads and robo-calls trying to fool voters into believing that he is a friend of animals. He is even trying to use local humane societies as a shield for his long and embarrassing record on animal cruelty.
Please call Joe Knollenberg’s campaign office today at 248-723-1477. Tell him to stop lying about his record on animal cruelty, and to stop using local humane societies as a shield for his political agenda.
The Humane Society Legislative Fund has been watching Joe Knollenberg vote against animal protection time and again. We’ve reached out to him and asked for his vote to stop animal cruelty, yet he has sided with animal abusers almost every time. In fact, he has an average score of 12 out of 100 over 16 years in Congress -- meaning Knollenberg sided with animal abusers 88 percent of the time!
Some of his votes on animal protection issues include the following:
Horse Slaughter: He voted against the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act, H.R. 503 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2006/roll433.xml -- September 7, 2006), to prohibit the slaughter of American horses to be served as a foreign delicacy in France and Belgium.
Animal Fighting: He voted against the Blumenauer-Tancredo amendment to H.R. 2673 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2003/roll355.xml -- July 14, 2003) which provided $800,000 for the U.S. Department of Agriculture to improve enforcement of the federal law against animal fighting -- the same law that was later used to break up Michael Vick's dogfighting ring.
Polar Bears: He voted against the Inslee-LoBiondo amendment to H.R. 2643 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2007/roll573.xml -- June 27, 2007) to prohibit wealthy American trophy hunters from importing the heads and hides of sport-hunted polar bears killed in the Arctic.
Downer Cattle: He voted against the Ackerman-LaTourette amendment to H.R. 2673 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2003/roll357.xml -- July 14, 2003) to protect our food supply and stop the abuse of sick and crippled cattle too weak to walk to slaughter. Six months after that vote, a downer cow in the U.S. tested positive for "mad cow disease."
Bear Baiting: He voted against the Gallegly-Moran amendment to H.R. 2691 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2003/roll382.xml -- July 17, 2003) to stop the inhumane and unsporting practice of shooting bears over piles of pizza and jelly doughnuts on national forests.
Dolphin-Safe Tuna: He voted for H.R. 408 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1997/roll151.xml -- May 21, 1997) which ended the embargo on dolphin-deadly tuna and weakened protections for dolphins caught in tuna nets, and he voted against the Miller amendment to H.R. 2670 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1999/roll382.xml -- August 5, 1999) to limit U.S. funding of the international tuna fishing convention, which allows the use of dolphin-deadly nets.
Trapping: He voted against the Farr-Whitfield amendment to H.R. 2466 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1999/roll291.xml -- July 14, 1999) to stop the use of steel-jawed leghold traps and wire neck snares to kill and maim animals for their fur pelts on national wildlife refuges.
Fur Subsidies: He voted against the Shays-Deutsch amendment to H.R. 1976 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1995/roll553.xml -- July 21, 1995) which eliminated a $2 million annual subsidy for the luxury mink coat industry.
Foreign Trophy Hunting: He voted against the Fox-Miller amendment to H.R. 2159 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1997/roll359.xml -- September 4, 1997) to stop the use of tax dollars to promote the trophy hunting of African elephants and other foreign species as a rural development strategy.
Yellowstone Bison: He voted against the Rahall amendment to H.R. 2691 (http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2003/roll383.xml -- July 17, 2003) to protect the last free-roaming buffalo herd in Yellowstone National Park from government slaughter.
Don’t be fooled by Joe Knollenberg’s phony conversion to animal issues right before the election. He can’t hide from his long and embarrassing record on animal cruelty, and now he is lying about it. Please forward this message to everyone you know in Michigan’s 9th District, and urge them to vote for Gary Peters instead -- the candidate we can trust on animal protection.
John McCain and Sarah Palin have launched a strategy relying on fear-mongering, racial divisions, and hate. The result is McCain/Palin supporters saying "kill him!" "terrorist!" "traitor," and more, at rallies, with the McCain campaign.It's outrageous and it must stop.
Together, we can show that Americans of all races won't stand for this.
I've signed onto ColorofChange's open-letter to McCain and Palin. ColorOfChange.org will publish it this week, and as they've shown in the past, when enough of us stand together, we can force the mainstream media to amplify our message. Will you join us?
McCain-Palin rallies have been appearing on youtube and other sites. The candidates keep asking "who is the real Barack Obama?" (a question that also kicks off many McCain television ads).In response, supporters have yelled "terrorist!" and "traitor!" And the venom goes beyond Obama--one McCain/Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at a Black member of a news crew, saying "sit down, boy". Another supporter said "Negro[es]" are "second-stringers" and yet another carried a "Little Hussein" monkey with him.
McCain and Palin are going down a dangerous path. Watching some of their supporters being interviewed shows the kind of fear their campaign is stoking and exploiting.McCain and Palin are clearly in the driver's seat. They've personally made it a point to use "terrorist"; they have surrogates repeatedly refer to him by his middle-name;and they keep pushing the discredited guilt-by-association smears that have long been debunked.
All of it plays on the much more sinister rumors in anonymous smear emails which claim Obama is Muslim or an Arab (a myth designed to tap into anti-Muslim/Arab bigotry), anti-American, and is somehow connected with terrorists. This strategy is powerful because Obama is black, and it's designed to make Obama's race a disadvantage without appearing overtly racist.
As Americans of all stripes, we've seen how Barack Obama's historic candidacy has moved our friends and family to have a more honest conversation about race in this country. It's inspired a lot of people to step out of their comfort zone and confront racism in their own communities, with their friends, neighbors and families.
In the final days of this campaign, we can't let hatred drag us down. If enough of us act, we can create a powerful story in the media about all races standing together against race-baiting and fear-mongering coming from the McCain/Palin campaign. But it will take a lot of us speaking in unison.
Will you sign an open letter to McCain and Palin, telling them who you are and why you won't let our country regress? ColorofChange.org will publish the letter and make sure John McCain is forced to respond.
In order to pay for his healthcare plan that will prevent some Americans from obtaining insurance and will tax all Americans' healthcare benefits, McCain will make cuts in the Medicare and Medicaid programs. I wonder if all the senior citizens that are voting for him know this? Probably not.
There is even a group, The Alliance Defense Fund, that is trying to overturn the separation of church and state that was set up in the Johnson Amendment. The Johnson Amendment rescinds tax-exempt status for any church that endorses a political candidate from the pulpit during sermons.
The Alliance Defense Fund actually sent videos of the sermons to the IRS to dare them to revoke the tax-exempt status of the churches involved.
I'll be writing a petition to the IRS and the Federal Election Commission as soon as I can, but in the interim you can write to them and ask them to enforce their laws and revoke the tax-exempt status for these churches....
CNN hosted a forum of ex-Secretaries of State Madeleine Albright, Warren Christopher; Henry Kissinger, James Baker and Colin Powell. Try to catch it the next time it's aired, because it's fascinating to see them all together discussing how best to move forward.
The general consensus? Obama's policies are better.
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