some of my old poetry for ya...

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Hooded Whisperings - 11PM

Sitting there, legs crossed, cloaked in black

    A smile touches her lips, she gazes into my eyes,

    Her hands hold my vision, my escape, my peace

In her folds, I peer out and and see the alien world

    Surrounding me, castigating me, persecuting me

    Her fingers caress the nape of my neck

    I shudder estaticly, lost in her mind

We watch those about us, amused, afraid

On my path she;s been as a shadow, another self

    My footprints she covers with her own

    Face concealed, hidden, only glints break through

    My reflection stares back from the depths

Our meeting long forgotten, our visits brief

    Our time enjoyed, despised, sought after, run from

    See my accomplishmentts, my failure

    Accept my friend, feel her mirth, her ire

   Cringe not, embrace and be filled.

*************************

=====================

**************************

As you lie against my chest

    I hear the sweet whisper of your voice

    It carries softly across the pillow to my ear

I feel the gentle swell of your breast in my palm

    The soft skin trembles subtly beneath my fingers

    Its warmth seeps into my being

Your leg is across me, your arms around me

    You sink into sleep, your grip relaxes

    I kiss your cheek and you smile, at peace.

******************************

======================

*****************************

    Ramblings with the Dead Poet -- III

Softly he touches my heart, he the dead poet

As I sit thinking of last night in her arms

He tugs away my exhaustion, tucks in my despair

Entrenched in the hollows of my mind, pleasure screams

Back into my sphere you have returned

Discard the veil of sour memories, my lady

Taste the new vintage, 'tis sweet and it warms

The glow in my eye can no longer be called madness

Lust fuels its fiery pyre, illuminated by your touch

Follow the poet, he tells me of you with tenderness

I, a steward of his teaching, entwined around the spindle

Creating the threads to weave, perched upon this hummock I

The clothes resulting cling to my flesh, moonlit tranquility

His music intensifying the transition my spirit endures
=============================
**********************

The crucifixions are no longer painful

The resurrections are swifter

Like the feline I am resilient

Cleaved from reality, from complacency

Spittle flew, words thrown, wounds inflicted

A battered torn carcass is hauled down

    Tossed into the darkness,

    Closed to hide the stench

From the void I emerge again

    Refreshed, renewed, cleansed

And begin the journey yet anew

    Looking ahead for my next Golgotha

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Fork-tongued friend lick my skin

Creep caressingly across my arm

Look into my brain, ignite the flame

Do it all, abuse the imagination

Toss off your tetter, inhale my thought

Crawl into the darkness, touch your illusions

Storm front sweps the consciousness

Dreams swarm the plains, flattens conformity

Lessens the blows of perception force-fed

********************

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*********************

I stepped into the corporate cesspool

And steeped in the mire of greed

Order disregarded for cash, the evil green

I watch others shrug dignity

Immerse themselves in groveling

Noses coated by their gestures

Loss of identity, loss of purpose, loss of soul

No life but the company lives

    At the expense of warm bodies, spirits

The brain is chilled and stuffed

Blinders cloak their eyes

    Only their path is visible

    They want you for their own

I climbed out of their pit

    And shook off their yoke

I look and see what I was

    What I was becoming

I walked away, shaking my head

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================

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I donned my mask and steeped into the public light

My thoughts were my own, my words theirs

Only in private, behind the walls, could I be free

Only then could my words be mine

Only then could my voice evoke my mind's ideas

The mask came with its costume, adorned my skin

The plastic facade served well, for a time

    Until the metal glove ripped it away

    Exposed the Concealed, opened wide

I squint at the glare

    The delicate pallor I'd acquired

    Tanned into an invunerable shell

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-===============

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Don't brand me a criminal

    Or look at me with disdain

    Keep your thoughts to yourself

    Control your urge to condemn

My choices and their consequence

    Remain my own, of free will

    You may doubt my judgement

    See the wrong in my ways

My decadence to you is irrational

    You see me enslaved, trying to escape

    I reject your force-fed, faceless ideology

    Your hypocritical views of my morals

I have expanded my vision, my consciousness

    And I see the fallacies you uphold

    I look beyond the bonds that hold you

    I leave you behind as I proceed to my dream
========================
*
Stone for stone is the price we pay

The norm paints black the rebel soul

The man's stone is harder than ours

Its pain resides as an ebony letter

A heavy penitence for our ramblings

A toll to break the traveler's purse

A fist we raise in defiance

A voice full of power to be unleased

To call together our brethren to join

And unfurl the mob, bring out the smoking guns

Our pleas are simple, we ask not much

Leave our stones unturned and let us rest

Peace to you, my foes, and love to the earth

*************************

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Numbness sweeps through my limbs

My thoughts are swathed in thick clouds

Afloat in a blissful sea of peace

Tranquility has filled my cup

    I sit drunk in its sweet bouquet

Worry is not found and rest comes easy

I am calm, in harony within my space

    The crowds are gone, all is silent

I smile inside at this serenity I feel

    A comfort to the mind

    A tonic for my sanity

I see the vessel looming in the distance

    I have yet to earn my passage

    Though it will soon be won

***************************

========================

**************************

She came into my life,

    Without warning, so sudden, yet somehow expected

Her eyes were brilliant with an indescribable glow

    Piercing my defenses, opening my eyes, my mind, my heart

She was a vision of beauty, of lust, of unfulfilled desires

    Massaging a bruised heart, caressing a wounded soul, holding a

hand

Her heart, injured in the past, hid in a saddened soul,

    Waiting for something, someone to lend a shoulder, or a hand

She was afraid, I think, to open sealed doors on bad memories

    Crying and opening up always hurts, but it can heal

Her heart captured mine and she encased it within her own

     Warming it, comforting it, bestowing upon it magic

She caused me to re-examine my life

    Revealing a facade of lies, unhappiness and misery

Her love gave me strength, taught me to feel real love

    Showing me what a plasure life can be

She is always on my mind, in my dreams, in my soul

****************************

=======================

****************************

I am hungry for a love

    That I have yet not found

Morsels I have scrounged

Crumbs I have gleaned

    But the taste is imagined

        Not entirely real

The hunger lingers

    Approaching starvation

***********************

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No one cares as I lay in this hell

As the daemons from the edge reach for me

Alone, my strength diminishes with each battle

Until no fight is left within, only surrender

The torture begins slow and increases intensity as the night grows

Longer with no solace gained, just sorrow

In which I wallow shamefully, hoping to sink

In its murky depths and end the pain

No one hears the pleads for assistance, they watch

As gorecrows, wanting only to pick at the flesh

After the end mercifully arrives
===================
    Misted Sympathy

I'm sorry--I never expected

to fall

But it hurts to get up

after the fall

to brush off the memories

to shake the dreams

If I took more than I should

(though I'd take more if I could)

If I stepped beyond the barriers

If I crawled into a present so torn by the past

Then I have no excuse

Except for hope

Except for something I long

Except for a blank space yearning for fulfillment

Perhaps I have mistakingly read nonexistant signs

In my quest for happiness

My ears tell me it was nothing

The burning inside my soul tells me otherwise

Is it wrong to look or is it wrong not to look?

I meant no trespass, I meant no sacrilege

I only trod the path that lay before me

I travelled it freely, aware of the danger

to me, to thee

I accept the conditions that be

with regret--but not with a sense of loss

but with reflection--that which was

--And that which cannot be

I feel the absence of your presence

*******************

===============

*******************

Adrift on the sea, swept away by the currents

The tides have risen, no holds for the anchor

Storms have tossed and pummeled the hulk

Why is life this way?  A tempest inside the mind

Torn from safe harbor, rudderless, ripped sails

Awaiting beaching or casting upon rocks or reef

The wheel spins in a chaotic blur, an orgy of discord

Strickened to its decks, chained to the main mast

Frayed filaments of rigging lash across my face

My penitence for birth in this foreign world

*************************

======================

*************************

Her eyes looked deep into mine

    As her lips glistened in the soft glow of the waning moon

I stroked her long tresses with the care of a jeweller

The feelings I felt were those of love, of caring and of longing

    A longing that couldn't be expressed by mere words

Waves of total completeness sweep across my being when she is

near

Beyond my grasp is the means of understanding my love for her

    Destiny has intertwined our lives in such an intriguing manner

Soul mates cast into the sea of life, drifting into each other's

realms

Friendship became love due to circumstance, needs and desires

    Bonded together to live in happiness, emptiness filling with love

Realization that it could not be just a random happening

After the first time, bonded together in mutual satisfaction and

pleasure

    Came the knowledge that it could not end there

That it could not be stopped, love in the fast lane, non-stop

She opened the cold steel of my heart, gave me a piece of hers

and

    Gained mine, which was released into her care

No worries, for I know she will handle it with the utmost of

gentleness          and concern

Hurt her?  Never in a million lifetimes, for she is my life

I love her, I do, more than words can say

Woman of my deams

    Fulfillment of my hopes and fantasies

I will love her until we part forever, hopefully to meet again

Somewhere
===================
Stone for stone is the price we pay

The norm paints black the rebel soul

The man's stone is harder than ours

Its pain resides as an ebony letter

A heavy penitence for our ramblings

A toll to break the traveler's purse

A fist we raise in defiance

A voice full of power to be unleased

To call together our brethren to join

And unfurl the mob, bring out the smoking guns

Our pleas are simple, we ask not much

Leave our stones unturned and let us rest

Peace to you, my foes, and love to the earth

*************************

====================

************************

Numbness sweeps through my limbs

My thoughts are swathed in thick clouds

Afloat in a blissful sea of peace

Tranquility has filled my cup

    I sit drunk in its sweet bouquet

Worry is not found and rest comes easy

I am calm, in harony within my space

    The crowds are gone, all is silent

I smile inside at this serenity I feel

    A comfort to the mind

    A tonic for my sanity

I see the vessel looming in the distance

    I have yet to earn my passage

    Though it will soon be won

***************************

========================

**************************

She came into my life,

    Without warning, so sudden, yet somehow expected

Her eyes were brilliant with an indescribable glow

    Piercing my defenses, opening my eyes, my mind, my heart

She was a vision of beauty, of lust, of unfulfilled desires

    Massaging a bruised heart, caressing a wounded soul, holding a

hand

Her heart, injured in the past, hid in a saddened soul,

    Waiting for something, someone to lend a shoulder, or a hand

She was afraid, I think, to open sealed doors on bad memories

    Crying and opening up always hurts, but it can heal

Her heart captured mine and she encased it within her own

     Warming it, comforting it, bestowing upon it magic

She caused me to re-examine my life

    Revealing a facade of lies, unhappiness and misery

Her love gave me strength, taught me to feel real love

    Showing me what a plasure life can be

She is always on my mind, in my dreams, in my soul

****************************

=======================

****************************

I am hungry for a love

    That I have yet not found

Morsels I have scrounged

Crumbs I have gleaned

    But the taste is imagined

        Not entirely real

The hunger lingers

    Approaching starvation

***********************

=====================

***********************

No one cares as I lay in this hell

As the daemons from the edge reach for me

Alone, my strength diminishes with each battle

Until no fight is left within, only surrender

The torture begins slow and increases intensity as the night grows

Longer with no solace gained, just sorrow

In which I wallow shamefully, hoping to sink

In its murky depths and end the pain

No one hears the pleads for assistance, they watch

As gorecrows, wanting only to pick at the flesh

After the end mercifully arrives
=============================
    Misted Sympathy

I'm sorry--I never expected

to fall

But it hurts to get up

after the fall

to brush off the memories

to shake the dreams

If I took more than I should

(though I'd take more if I could)

If I stepped beyond the barriers

If I crawled into a present so torn by the past

Then I have no excuse

Except for hope

Except for something I long

Except for a blank space yearning for fulfillment

Perhaps I have mistakingly read nonexistant signs

In my quest for happiness

My ears tell me it was nothing

The burning inside my soul tells me otherwise

Is it wrong to look or is it wrong not to look?

I meant no trespass, I meant no sacrilege

I only trod the path that lay before me

I travelled it freely, aware of the danger

to me, to thee

I accept the conditions that be

with regret--but not with a sense of loss

but with reflection--that which was

--And that which cannot be

I feel the absence of your presence

*******************

===============

*******************

Adrift on the sea, swept away by the currents

The tides have risen, no holds for the anchor

Storms have tossed and pummeled the hulk

Why is life this way?  A tempest inside the mind

Torn from safe harbor, rudderless, ripped sails

Awaiting beaching or casting upon rocks or reef

The wheel spins in a chaotic blur, an orgy of discord

Strickened to its decks, chained to the main mast

Frayed filaments of rigging lash across my face

My penitence for birth in this foreign world

*************************

======================

*************************

Her eyes looked deep into mine

    As her lips glistened in the soft glow of the waning moon

I stroked her long tresses with the care of a jeweller

The feelings I felt were those of love, of caring and of longing

    A longing that couldn't be expressed by mere words

Waves of total completeness sweep across my being when she is

near

Beyond my grasp is the means of understanding my love for her

    Destiny has intertwined our lives in such an intriguing manner

Soul mates cast into the sea of life, drifting into each other's

realms

Friendship became love due to circumstance, needs and desires

    Bonded together to live in happiness, emptiness filling with love

Realization that it could not be just a random happening

After the first time, bonded together in mutual satisfaction and

pleasure

    Came the knowledge that it could not end there

That it could not be stopped, love in the fast lane, non-stop

She opened the cold steel of my heart, gave me a piece of hers

and

    Gained mine, which was released into her care

No worries, for I know she will handle it with the utmost of

gentleness          and concern

Hurt her?  Never in a million lifetimes, for she is my life

I love her, I do, more than words can say

Woman of my deams

    Fulfillment of my hopes and fantasies

I will love her until we part forever, hopefully to meet again

Somewhere
===================
 Ramblings with the Dead Poet--IV

Incense perfumes the room with the exotic

The sacramental pipe is cold yet ready for flame

The poet was santified upon the television

And I saw Christ nailed to a post

Icons abound and no reponse reveals

The sacrament is offered for the inspiration

And the poet screams his hymn in the dark

The lava rapidly boils in the chasm

The music ends, all is over, the dead poet sighs

His touch reaches my mind, gives a caress

My eyes open once again, inward and onward

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Shy eyes, why do you hide your smile?

You flit from face to face searching for nectar

Behold the sweetness they conceal

    Savor the goodness of the family

Take the hands of your brothers and sisters

Accept the hugs and realize te love

    A love shared by few, yet much valued

Shy eyes, when you lie asleep tonight

    Dream the dreams of happiness

        And smile for me again

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I have wondered why the attraction was strong

As I pulled myself away, I found myself again with you

The times were never pleasant, though pleasure was there

You never saw it through these eyes

    you never saw it with your heart

Your eyes were sheilded by venomous words cast my way

Turned viciously from me, you swayed to and from me

Caught in the whirlpool of your life, I fought those currents

Safely on the stable shore of myself, I reflect to those times

And see the part of you that was so well hidden, so deeply buried

Your fear and the hauntings of the past have brought withdrawal

Yet the few moments I saw the curtain descend

My love grew tenfold, ther tribulations of the past forgiven

If only I could have that part of you always

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The paradise of childhood, so fresh and inspiring

this nation brought waves of pride through my being

Eyes sometimes misted by the feeling she evoked

Now I want to turn my back, run away

This nation is infected, a plague of ignorance, persecution

I've seen her raped and defiled, despised and rejected

Her innocent children beaten down, punished, dulled

My course leads away, though I look back now and again

I hope paradise returns, so I may also

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======================

*************************

Your touch is absent

    Your memory mired in delusion

I wonder where you have gone

    The one I thought I knew

I have sought the answers

    But the questions escape me

I see you tear down what little was there

    I feel the artic your heart has unleased

You run with no destination

    Only fear as your guide

    Only pain as your torch

May you find the peace forthcoming

    To the torment that blazes through your soul

    And may fortune end the misery that haunts you

=====================
Mother, do not think of me with shame

    Do not question my decisions

    Do not condemn my life

Mother, look at the peaks I have reached

    Look at the climbs that  have taken me there

    Look not at the trips

        Or the consequintial falls

Mother, look past my scars

    On my body and inside me

    From the many spills on my life's journey

    I heal as I go, the best I can

Mother, love this child you have brought forth

    Smile at his accomplishments

    Tolerate his understandings

Mother, offer no apology, just acceptance

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The night arrives earlier, sneaking unsuspected

Its cloak dampens the spirit

An palette of leaves fill the treetops

As autumn drags in its season of melancholy

And seeks to mire lost souls in its muck

the sucking mud of depression thrives in fall

And spreads in the wake of the fallen

A true heart finds the hummocks

And strides safely in bliss, unsoiled

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==================================

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    Hooded Whisperings--2AM

He sits there with his offering in his hands

    Whispering my name, calling me to accompany him

    To travel to the worlds beyond this

    To journey along unseen trails

From empty sockets, his stare penetrates my soul

    From an empty heart, a warmth can be found

    From empty arms, acceptance is granted

With his shadow I roam this world

    Seeking kindred spirits, finding their brotherhood

    Sharing portions of our lives

    Sharing our minds

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======================

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The embrace conceals not the contempt

The kiss has lost its succulence

Words cease to mean anything of worth

An aura of hate, of spite, dwells about you

Your life is a lie, falsehoods as protection

Deceit lurks within your actions

Behind your smile a scowl lingers, disgusted

See the stranger looking from the vanity mirror

Ask her where the love has gone
================
Trample me underfoot with stiletto heels

Macerate my hopes, pulverize my visions

I cringe at the thought of your abuse

Yet I am drawn toward you haplessly

Lust bursts through, crashes headlong into your web

Lured by raw passion, a calling talisman

I cause you tortured yearnings, dangle you over the chasm

My solitary parry to your endless seige of my mind

***********************

====================

***********************

Have you been shocked enough by my words?

Have you switched off the normal me

    And now see me in the robe of night

    Shaded by your traditional blindfold

    By your contorted expectations of sameness?

Proportional disposal of ego follows illumination

    Yet enlightens the resulting vacancy profoundly

Standards dig at the helm of the pulsing glow

You undress my dignity, try to occupy my flesh

No weirdness in my normal, sanity a mirage

************************

=====================

************************

    Ramblings with the Dead Poet--12AM

Run with the words, move with the rhythm

The dead poet chants unheard musings

His voice penetrates my nerves

His scream whitewashes my brain

We share a hidden rage and an open anger

No one understands our meanings

Don't be afraid of our message

Tell others what you hear, what we say

Feel the wholesomeness of the sharing

Listen to the stories he tells

    See the music that builds the song

    The framework supporting the words

    Enabling the deciphering of the truths

Your face hangs in my mind

    Crying for those happier times

I can't wipe away the insane tears

   That flow with goodbyes

Listen close to the dead poet as he sings

Words on a page show a message

    Words in the air reveal meaning

==================
===========

Woeful are the lonely arrogants

Unaware of the mind's kaliedoscope

    Oblivious to the prismatic hallways there

Searching for that mythic transcendence

Though refusing access to the corridor

The mathematics of life spell our probabilty

    Of success, of failure, of strife, of tranquility

Tune in to the eternal flame

    Blaze in illuminated glory

Trip the rim of eternity, devour time

*************************

=======================

*************************

What chord was played?  What heartstring was plucked?

The words brought a tear to your eye

    (Slowly down it slid, carrying away the emotion provoked)

I saw the feeling beam from your being   

    I saw the hurt that you felt, as I had felt before

A heart sits helpless in this lonely world

    Anything, anyone, can take it, at its/their mercy

When I now see you, I will see the tear

    And remember my reflection within

**************************

======================

**************************

Smile at the devil, grin at your gods

Laugh with the saints, howl with the demons

Bark with the priests, mumble with the martyrs

Kill with the zealots, rumble with the redeemed

Look again at the foolishness our faiths lead us

Walk away in pride, carry on righteously

Stash dignity in a tow-sack, knuckle against

Wear humility in a codpiece, offend modesty
==================
more the faithful hare at yuwie...more...and if ya wonder, i wrote

most of these in '91-94...and off we go...

========================

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We feed on each other, parasitic

Our dark sides meld into light

Our passion is engulfing, ultimate

The fire burns obscenely, perverse

We limit our time, sometimes we deny them

Overindulgence would destroy or demean

There cannot be insignificance assigned

Nor can backs turn from the glow

***************************

=========================

**************************

Your smile floated across the room and settled in my mind

Beside the conflagration sparked by your eyes, in my soul

Beautiful fledgling regale in my attention, in my gaze

Grovel not to those reprehensible and irascible

Accept my homage, release me from this labyrinth of doldrums

A demure and precocious lass, a stop for this transient existence

A fortuitous event, extant in my memory, ossified in my heart

**********************

===================

**********************

We feed on each other, you and I

We target the sorrows of our mutual past

    And tug at the scars from before

    And laugh at the blood we bring

The poison seeps, our prison keeps

    We languish in our created hell

    And burst the other's blisters with glee

    And wish for salt to scour the wounds

************************

======================

************************

Disemboweled at the roadside

Eyes glazed by the touch of Death

Body twisted unnaturally, I looked away

The nation's lifeline takes another love

Just a puppy, unafraid, foolhardy

No great loss, just a touch of sorrow

Anger throbs but stops short of release

Just a carcass, unmoving, dead
=================
from a period in 1988-9...

====================

***********************

I run my fingers through her lovely locks

    finding paths and journey about in manual bliss

I look into the depths of her eyes

    seeing the bright glow of her love, dimmed not

I feel her skin softly pressing against mine

    warming the very being of my soul withits fire

I hear the gentle movement of air in her bosom

    flowing with the beating of her heart, summer breeze

I know she cares with all compassion

    loving me and being there, as sure as sun rises

I touch her ruby lips with mine

    sensing their yielding openess, drawing in my soul

I can only love her with everything I am

    giving all, expecting none, receiving her love in return

*************************

========================

*************************

Just a note to tell you that I've been thinking of you

To let you know how much you mean to me

It's hard to think about even losing you, to see you go

To let you walk away with all my hopes and dreams

The memories we've shared and the memories yet to be made

Are but part of the strength that drives my will

My love for you is unyielding, an enormous force that cannot be

tamed

It overrides my thoughts, yet it opens my soul to your caress

Fighting for cotrol of my emotions, I left you yesterday

Leaving behind my heart an soul gazing at the road through tear-

misted eyes

As the road grew between us, the void inside me became greater

and greater

Everything that I look upon reminds me of you

    It seems you are always on my mind

        In my thoughts constantly, in my heart forever

When you cross my mind, my heart grows heavy

    Twisting in agony of breaking--held together only by

        the hope that I am the right one for you

The worst pain of all is the fact that I can do nothing

    It is a decision that you must make, I cannot keep you

        If you do not want me to be yours

I drift alone for a moment in the desolate chaos

    Apart from my soulmate whom I have set free

Until the time I see your beauty again

        I love you and will love you forever

**********************

====================

**********************

I wanted to call her but was scared she would answer

I called her and was afraid she would answer and be mad I called

When I got no answer, I felt relieved and saddened

I just wanted to say 'I love you', but I don't want to interfere with her

self-quest

I have realized how much she touches my life, influences my

thoughts, dominates my heart

In subtle ways, I felt her presence at my side, while it is greater felt

in my heart

As I teravel throught the land, I hear her gentle laugh, feel her sweet

smile as her eyes gaze warmly into mine

She watches me over me and I try not to hear her calling out my

name

When alone, she wanders through my thoughts, tugging lightly at

my heart

I want to tell her how much I love her but I am afraid it might drive

her further away

I can only hope that when she finds her self, she will find me beside

her
===================
from 1989....

**********************

=====================

**********************

I had a date with a memory last night

She was as lovely as ever, though ever so quiet

She didn't have much to say, as I held her tight

She provided her warmth to carry me through

She brushed aside my sorrow, made me not so blue

She gave me her heart, which I held so true

Love was given to me, together to grow old

Time was no question, with her it was gold

As sleep overtook me, she slipped slowly away

Leaving me alone--to join me another day

**********************

====================

**********************

I stand at the window, looking out

Hoping that she will come by

Hopes that are like smoke, to vanish in the night

I would be so happy if she dropped in

Speechless, with probably a tear in my eye

I would tell her how good she looked and

Offer a hug which would melt her heart

Would she take it for what it is, a confession of the heart

Or would she take it as a ploy to prevent her loss

Please come, oh please come---without you, there's nothing, with

you, there's sunshine

And hope---come back, darling, and you'll never be in

Want of love again or ever question my love for you

************************

======================

************************

Today, she was by my side, not in body, but I felt her still

I long to hear her voice, whispering 'I love you', but

That I may never hear again because she has left me

I hope that I am doing the right thing, holding on

To let go is impossible when it involves your heart

A fragile thing, I gave it to her without doubts or fears

As I took hers as my own--it would be hard to release

It and harder to accept my own, for fear it would be

Crushed under an unbreakable sorrow, never to heal

Here are some philosophical musings...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. No one is listening until you break wind.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

19. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.