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Feb 7, 2009

 

       Unfortunately, child abuse and child neglect are very serious issues in our Country. Statistics show that 3 out of every 5 children are abused in America.  As an adult who has survived an abusive childhood I know first hand the issues that this has raised for me in life. Even though growing up in my family was difficult, I am one of the lucky ones, because I survived. But, this blog is not about me. This blog is about a little girl named Tiffany. Tiffany was one of the unlucky ones. She did not survive.

       Born to a drug addicted mother, she was born prematurely and weighed only 14 ounces. She was so tiny and small and because of her size she lived in an incubator for the first 4 months of her life. When Tiffany was born I was 10 years old. She was my first cousin, my mother's sister's daughter. I remember her as being a very gentle, sweet and although she was very sick, she always smiled. 

     My favorite memory of her was on the Christmas that we shared together. She absolutely loved the lights on the Christmas tree and she continuously kept pushing her walker over toward the tree. Even though we kept on diverting her she was very persistent, and finally reached the tree when no one was looking. She reached up and pulled the whole tree down on herself. Now one would think that she would cry, nope, not Tiffy, instead she laughed so hard, she was so proud of herself.

      Now, here comes the hard part. When Tiffany was a year and a half she was murdered. Because I was only a child, I am still not quite sure of the details. I know that my aunt left her with someone when she went out with her friends to party. While she was out someone put drugs in her baby bottle. Because there were so many unanswered questions Tiffany's case still has not been solved and remains a cold case. As a ten year old child I remember being so upset with the adults around me. I remember that I felt as though one of us (the children) could die and no one would even go to jail. I felt as though we were forgotten. I was always like the 'little mother' and felt like I needed to care for the other children in our family to make sure they were safe and after this happened to Tiffy I became very scared and lived in fear for years. As an adult I still struggle with the feeling as though I let her down and didn’t keep her safe, even though I know that I was only a child myself. Because my childhood was so chaotic I never felt like a child. Being naive and innocent could get you killed, and I didn’t want to die. I didn't want any more of us to die.

 

      This year on the memorial of Tiffany's death I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her how much I miss her and that I think of her, everyday. So, I wrote her this:

Dear Tiffany,

As I sit here now and reflect on the days when you made me laugh and the days when we played,

I remember your smile and how you never frowned,

your lips were like little rose petals, the softest around.

Your eyes were so curious, so large and so blue, that one would swear they were a Caribbean hue.

Your joyful and bouncy giggle brought smiles to all, sparking laughter and love to anyone hearing your call.

Your sweet little spirit so gentle and calm added such peace to our world for someone so small.

I often wonder how different my life would be if, instead, you were here with me.

I wonder what kinds of dreams you would dream, for instance, would you believe in things that can’t be seen?

If you had a chance what would you do with your life?

Would you want a career, to have kids and be a wife?

What hobbies would you do in your spare time?

And, your favorite color-would it be green like mine?

So many questions run through my mind-oh how I wish I could rewind time.

The memories are indeed bittersweet from those days and there are so many things I wish I could change.

There is a sadness that lives deep within and there is no cure for the pain that I am in, but, one thing for sure if I could go back in time, I would keep you safe as if you were mine.

But since you are gone and I am here…I will trust that God will hold you dear and keep you close to His heart and love you for me, until one day together again we will be.

 

I love you my little angel,

~Amy

If anyone reading this knows of a child who is being neglected or abused, please, please do all that you can to help them. It may mean life or death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted: Feb 7, 2009 8:05pm
Jul 20, 2008

I love to do arts and crafts. I am especially interested in jewelry making...here are a few of the necklaces I have made...if amyone is interested in learning I would love to give them tips; making jewelry has helped me to vent stress and keep busy in a positive way- I highly suggest it to anyone looking for a new hobby.

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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 2:09am
Jul 20, 2008

Hello! I just wanted to share my babies with you all...This is Shady and Stash. I absolutely adore my companions and couldn't imagine my life without them. My dogs are my two favorite spirits on the planet...they have been there for me unconditionally through so many difficult times and they just keep loving me...thank God for them!

 
Album: My Dogs
My dogs are my two favorite spirits on the planet...they have been there for me unconditionally through so many difficult times and they just keep loving me...thank God for them!

by 9 new, 377 total213 totalAmy S. (62)
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 1:56am
Jul 20, 2008

These are pictures of the new baby bunny that I am taking care of. This is a sad story...I acquired this wild bunny because her momma tried to build a borrow for her upcoming litter and because the land that she lived on had been developed and there was no 'brush' for her to make a safe nest she decided to try to dig a whole in the middle of a mowed area and put her young into it. Unfortunaltely-according to the homeowner-he was mowing the lawn and ran over the Momma bunny...without remorse...he called a local pest control company to come and remove the baby bunnies (as if they were just in his way). Susequently only one bunny survived out of five. I have been entrusted with her to provide for her until she is big enough to possibly be released back into the wild when she is old enough. What upsets me the most about this story is that if it were not for urban development her Momma would be here today nursing a beautiful litter. It is truely a sad story and unfortunately a common one. I have decided to call the bunny Hope. Please pray for her strong survival and others like her.

 
Album: My new funny wabbit...
These are pictures of the new baby bunny that I am taking care of. This is a sad story...I acquired this wild bunny because her momma tried to build a borrow for her upcoming litter and because the land that she lived on had been developed and there was no 'brush' for her to make a safe nest she decided to try to dig a whole in the middle of a mowed area and put her young into it. Unfortunaltely-according to the homeowner-he was mowing the lawn and ran over the Momma bunny...without remorse...he called a local pest control company to come and remove the baby bunnies (as if they were just in his way). Susequently only one bunny survived out of five. I have been entrusted with her to provide for her until she is big enough to possibly be released back into the wild when she is old enough. What upsets me the most about this story is that if it were not for urban development her Momma would be here today nursing a beautiful litter. It is truely a sad story and unfortunately a common one. I have decided to call the bunny Hope. Please pray for her strong survival and others like her.

by 9 new, 377 total213 totalAmy S. (62)
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 1:40am
Jul 20, 2008

This is Walter. I have been going to visit Walter every summer for about three years now. I absolutely abore him! He LOVES apples and carrots. The first time that I met Walter I looked at him and said to the owner 'you know what would be a great name for him? Walter..." She said 'that is his name!" I couldn't believe it! I was soooo happy! I felt as if Walter and I had a connection from the start! I just wanted to share him with you all because his is just fabulous! He-haw!

 
Album: Walter
This is Walter. I have been going to visit Walter every summer for about three years now. I absolutely abore him! He LOVES apples and carrots. The first time that I met Walter I looked at him and said to the owner 'you know what would be a great name for him? Walter..." She said 'that is his name!" I couldn't believe it! I was soooo happy! I felt as if Walter and I had a connection from the start! I just wanted to share him with you all because his is just fabulous! He-haw!

by 9 new, 377 total213 totalAmy S. (62)
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 1:31am
Jul 19, 2008

These are pictures of the new baby bunny that I am taking care of. This is a sad story...I acquired this wild bunny because her momma tried to build a borrow for her upcoming litter and because the land that she lived on had been developed and there was no 'brush' for her to make a safe nest she decided to try to dig a whole in the middle of a mowed area and put her young into it. Unfortunaltely-according to the homeowner-he was mowing the lawn and ran over the Momma bunny...without remorse...he called a local pest control company to come and remove the baby bunnies (as if they were just in his way). Susequently only one bunny survived out of five. I have been entrusted with her to provide for her until she is big enough to possibly be released back into the wild when she is old enough. What upsets me the most about this story is that if it were not for urban development her Momma would be here today nursing a beautiful litter. It is truely a sad story and unfortunately a common one. I have decided to call the bunny Hope. Please pray for her strong survival and others like her.

 
Album: My new funny wabbit...
These are pictures of the new baby bunny that I am taking care of. This is a sad story...I acquired this wild bunny because her momma tried to build a borrow for her upcoming litter and because the land that she lived on had been developed and there was no 'brush' for her to make a safe nest she decided to try to dig a whole in the middle of a mowed area and put her young into it. Unfortunaltely-according to the homeowner-he was mowing the lawn and ran over the Momma bunny...without remorse...he called a local pest control company to come and remove the baby bunnies (as if they were just in his way). Susequently only one bunny survived out of five. I have been entrusted with her to provide for her until she is big enough to possibly be released back into the wild when she is old enough. What upsets me the most about this story is that if it were not for urban development her Momma would be here today nursing a beautiful litter. It is truely a sad story and unfortunately a common one. I have decided to call the bunny Hope. Please pray for her strong survival and others like her.

by 9 new, 377 total213 totalAmy S. (62)
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Posted: Jul 19, 2008 11:41pm
Jul 13, 2008

Please take a moment of your tme to read this poem written by a young girl who has terminal cancer...it is her dying wish that her poem be forwarded around the world to remind people of how precious our time on earth really is...always take time to love one another...she is truely an inspiration and has touched my heart and I am sure she will touch yours as well. May God Bless her always and craddle her in His loving arms forever...in Jesus dear name, Amen.

SLOW DANCE - please copy and pass on . I am just the messenger and am in too much pain to reply back to you my dear friends.
Much love and May You Always Take The time To Dance With One Hand Flying Free, Dreama

Slow Dance

This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer.
She wants to see how many people get her poem.
It is quite the poem. Please pass it on. This
poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a
New York Hospital .
It was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing
statement
AFTER THE POEM.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower

Hear the music
Before the song is over.

FORWARDED E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL
COUNT.

Dear All: PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know - even to those you
don't know! It is the request of a special girl who will soon leave this
world due to cancer.

This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted
to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since
she never will.
She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high school, or get married and
have a family of her own.
By you sending this to as many people as possible, you can give her and her
family a little hope, because with every name
that this is sent to, The American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per
name to her treatment and recovery plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So
I know that we can at least send it to 5 or 6. It's not even your money,
just your time!

PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.
Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx , New York











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Posted: Jul 13, 2008 12:45pm
Jul 3, 2008
Love Is A Risk 11:51 PM

Locked in, boxed in, trapped and alone...

what can one do...

when heart has turned to stone?

Pain so great, so deep, so hard...

It chokes your heart, like a huge chunk of lard.

Gulping and gulping but you just can't seem to swallow...

straining to scream but words are all just hollow...

utterances come up to the lips but then just fizzle out.

It hurts so much,

inside you die

your soul screams to shout!

It twists and wryths, shakes and cries...

as deep inside your emotions collide,

and you are forced to look at the world with a new set of eyes...

everything looks different...

no two experiences are the same...

and soon you realize that love is a twisted game.

Only the lucky soul gets reborn-after being torn, destroyed and abused...

You see ,when you take the risk to love -you always stand to lose...

Love is the soul's expression-such a risky thing...

when you open yourself up,

exposing your inner being...

you take a chance to lose it all-or-end up really living...

Yes-letting love into your heart is very risky giving...

whether you decide to take the chance to love again...

-or not-   

is entirely up to you.

Two choices:

harden up your heart-or-force your dreams to come true...

Not chosing to love again could be the name of the game-but-if you do...

just know...

Locked in, boxed in, trapped, alone you will remain.

~Amy



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Posted: Jul 3, 2008 12:26am
Jul 3, 2008

Next Time

 

A bitter heart burns,

my stomach churns with every beat…

A fresh new start is just what this- bitter, broken heart needs.

A fear of becoming just like my mother…

A thought alone that makes my soul shutter…

But

How does one begin again?

When once love was so sweet-

Took my very breath away and knocked me off my feet?

How can a new love compare to this-once passionate, unbelievable state of bliss?

It is too scary to begin again-for now I need to be alone…

Being cautious that my heart and soul do not turn to stone…

I will take some time

Enjoy life for me

Get re-grounded

Put the rug back under my feet…

Next time- I will be more careful and try not to love so hard-so that my heart does not end up with such a painful permanent scar.

I will not end up like my mother-with a heart destroyed and turned to solid stone, afraid to love again-afraid of the unknown.

Next time will be different-if anything I will hold on to this mantra alone… and take my time-begin as friends and let love bloom slow.

Then maybe next time he wont run when he realizes how big his heart has grown.

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Posted: Jul 3, 2008 12:21am
Jun 28, 2008
Hi everyone,
I need some help...Ever since I was a small child I have experienced 'unusual events and feelings.' I have a VERY strong intuition when it comes to other people's emotions. I can simply speak to a person for a matter of two minutes and I can 'feel' what they are feeling. My boyfriend often says to me-'How did you know that???' I have been sensitive to others feelings since I was small. It has actually on one occasion saved my life-I was approached  a year and a half ago by a man as I walked to the store late at night- he attempted to act nice to me-but-as soon as I looked into his eyes I knew that he was being controlled by evil-I immediately got away from him-and reported his creepyness to the local police- I had a VERY STRONG FEELING that he was going to hurt someone- a month after this encounter he attacked another girl-raping and killing her-this was a highly publicized event-which caught the attention of local newspapers and recieved national attention. He had also raped three girls before the night that i had my encounter. I am angry because I had contacted the police and given them his license plate number and told - them that he was dangerous-but because I was going on a gut feeling and he had not actually had the opportunity to touch me the police didn't listen and a beautiful young woman lost her life! In the past I have also predicted the death of my grandmother and a close friend-simply because I had a telephone conversation with them and could 'feel' that it would be the last time i ever spoke to them. When I was five years old I was sitting 'indian style' on the floor watching t.v. and I had a flash vision pop into my mind of my mother and father getting into a car accident-my mom had been rear ended and thus hit the car in front of her-when she got out she walked around the front of her car and dropped to the ground-she was parylized for 6 months on one side of her body and had to re-learn how to walk and use her limbs again. When I saw this in my 'mind's eye' I ran over to my grandmother at the kitchen sink and said 'grama grama mommy and daddy are hurt call the ambulance-they got hit by the car!' she said-'no honey they are just running late they will be here soon-go play...' An hour later the phone rang-I was a nervous wreck the whole hour- the doctors told my grama what had happened and my grama just looked at me in confusion-how did I know? Other things have happened that I can't explain. I haven't really spoken about this with very many people because I have found that it seems to make people uncomfortable around me. I don't know what to make of it-CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THEY THINK MIGHT BE GOING ON??? I NEED HELP!!!
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Posted: Jun 28, 2008 3:54pm

 

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Amy S.
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Burlington, VT, USA
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