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Sep 25, 2009
Focus: Human Rights
Action Request: Celebration
Location: United States

The Purple Ribbon Champagne

I have been making purple and black ribbons to pass out to my family and friends.  I have also passed them out at the Rallies and Speak Outs which I have organized for Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month which is in October.

 

I tied purple and black ribbon together (you could also use yarn), into tiny bows.  I attached a safety pin to each one so it can easily and safely be pinned onto clothing.  It is amazing how many people ask "What is the purple ribbon for?"  Then you can spread the word!  This is a simple way to Do Something! 

 

*The purple ribbon represents the survivors of abuse.  The black is to remember those who did not survive.

 

I had a vision that if everyone who read this email would tie purple and black ribbons onto their trees what an awesome statement that would make!

 

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Posted: Sep 25, 2009 9:05am
Aug 2, 2009

Tell your friends to connect with me for updates!

They can also introduce themselves or directly add me as a friend!

Victoria Kelly http://my.care2.com/warriorwomyn

If you know of any sites I would also like to publish them here!  I could really use some help on this!

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Posted: Aug 2, 2009 1:54pm
Mar 26, 2008
Focus: Women
Action Request: Petition
Location: United States
http://kathapollitt .blogspot. com/2007/ 02/open-letter- from-american- feminists. html

Read this article and then sign on in support, adding your name to the ove one thousand that have already signed as of today. Mail your "signature" to kpollitt@thenation. com
With advice and counsel from the History in Action e-mail list, I wrote up the Open Letter below to protest the way the media slanders the women's movement as indifferent to the human rights of women in the developing and/or Muslim world. Fact: it’s feminists who first identified atrocities against women around the world--female genital mutilation, forced marriage, child marriage, spousal violence, rape--as violations of human rights, not family matters or customs of no state importance. It is feminists who have consistently pushed for women’s rights to education, health care, and legal and social equality and who've pushed organizations from the UN to Amnesty International to broaden their perspective to include women’s rights to be free from violence and coercion. “Women’s rights are human rights” was not a slogan dreamed up by David Horowitz or Christina Hoff Sommers.
In only four days, the Open Letter has gathered 700 signatures [and now more than 1,341]. It’s been signed by people from all walks of life and every part of the country: writers, scholars, students, activists, leaders of feminist organizations and global health organizations, doctors, nurses, kindergarten teachers, clergypeople, stay-home mothers, and so on and on--to say nothing of a whole bunch of people who simply describe themselves as “feminist.”

If you'd like to sign, send your name to me at kpollitt[*AT*]thenation.com, and be sure to include how you would like to be identified; for example, writer, professor (with department and university), activist, astronaut, parent, movie star. if you are active with a feminist/progressive or global organization or NGO, that would be a good thing to mention. I would like the list to show that all sorts of women, and men, are feminists and how many are actively working for women's human rights. And yes, men can sign!

An Open Letter from American Feminists

Columnists and opinion writers from The Weekly Standard to the Washington Post to Slate have recently accused American feminists of focusing obsessively on minor or even nonexistent injustices in the United States while ignoring atrocities against women in other countries, especially the Muslim world. A number of reasons are given for this supposed neglect: narcissism, ideological rigidity, reflexive anti-Americanism, fear of seeming insensitive or even racist. Yet what is the evidence for this apparently now broadly accepted claim that feminists don't support the struggles of women around the globe? It usually comes down to a quick scan of the home page of the National Organization for Women's website, observing that a particular writer hasn't covered a particular outrage, plus a handful of quotes wrenched out of context.
In fact, as a bit of research would easily show, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of US feminist organizations involved in promoting women's rights and well-being around the globe--V-Day, Equality Now, MADRE, the Global Fund for Women, the International Women’s Health Coalition and Feminist Majority, to name some of the most prominent. (The National Organization for Women itself has a section on its website devoted to global feminism, on which it denounces a wide array of practices including female genital mutilation (FGM), “honor” murder, trafficking, dowry deaths and domestic violence). Feminists at Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and the United Nations have moved those organizations to add the rights of women and girls to their agenda. Feminist magazines and blogs--Ms. magazine, Feministing.com, Salon.com’s Broadsheet column, womensenews.com (which has an edition in Arabic)--as well as feminist reporters and commentators in the mainstream media, regularly report on and condemn outrages against women wherever they occur, from rape, battery and murder in the US to the denial of women’s human rights in the developing or Muslim world.
As feminists, we call on journalists and opinion writers to report the true position of our movement. We believe that women's rights are human rights, and stand in solidarity with our sisters who are fighting for equal political, economic, social and reproductive rights around the globe. Specifically, contrary to the accusations of pundits, we support their struggle against female genital mutilation, "honor" murder, forced marriage, child marriage, compulsory Islamic dress codes, the criminalization of sex outside marriage, brutal punishments like lashing and stoning, family laws that favor men and that place adult women under the legal power of fathers, brothers, and husbands, and laws that discount legal testimony made by women. We strongly oppose the denial of education, health care and equal political and economic rights to women.
We reject the use of women's rights language to justify invading foreign countries. Instead, we call on the United States government to live up to its expressed commitment to women's rights through peaceful means. Specifically, we call upon it to:

• offer asylum to women and girls fleeing gender-based persecution, including female genital mutilation, domestic violence, and forced marriage;

• promote women's rights and well-being in all their foreign policy and foreign aid decisions;

• use its diplomatic powers to pressure its allies--especially Saudi Arabia, one of the most oppressive countries in the world for women--to embrace women's rights;

• drop the Mexico City policy--a.k.a. the "gag rule"--which bars funds for AIDS- related and contraception-related health services abroad if they provide abortions, abortion information, or advocate for legalizing abortion;

• generously support the UN Population Fund (UNFPA), which supports women's reproductive health including safe maternity around the globe, and whose funding is vetoed every year by President Bush;

• become a signatory to The Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW), the basic UN women's human rights document, now signed by 185 nations. The US is one of a handful of holdouts, along with Iran, Sudan, and Somalia.

Finally, we call upon the United States, and all the industrialized nations of the West, to share their unprecedented wealth, often gained at the expense of the developing world, with those who need it in such a way that women benefit.

Signed,

Katha Pollitt, writer
Marge Piercy, writer
Susan Faludi, writer
Alix Kates Shulman, writer
Julianne Malveaux, president, Bennett College for Women
Anne Lamott, writer
Mary Gordon, writer
Linda Gordon, historian, NYU
Jennifer Baumgardner, writer
Ruth Rosen, historian
Jane Smiley, writer
Anna Fels, MD, psychiatrist and writer
Debra Dickerson, writer
Margo Jefferson, writer
Jessica Valenti, writer
Dana Goldstein, The American Prospect
Karen Houppert, writer
Gloria Jacobs, The Feminist Press
Carole Joffe, professor of sociology, UC Davis
Janet Afary, Middle East historian, Purdue University

And more than 700 more women and men. [As of February 25, 2008, there were more than 1,341 names, and counting.]

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Posted: Mar 26, 2008 10:39pm
Apr 21, 2007
 
Why Doesn't She Leave?
There's a seemingly simple little exercise we've done dozens of times at workshops on violence against women. The usual responses, however, are anything but simple. They're confounding and cause for concern.
Recently we repeated the exercise with a conference room full of 70 social workers, advocates, therapists, and mental health workers. "Why don't some domestic violence victims leave the relationship," we ask? "Call out the reasons!"
The answers, as always, come fast and freely. "Because she doesn't think she can make it on her own." "Not enough money to feed the children." "She feels obligated to her marital vows." "It's learned helplessness." "She doesn't believe she deserves better." "She doesn't know where to go." "She wants the children to have a father." etc.
I jot down the familiar list until the group exhausts their thoughts. And there, again, is the enigma. How, at this date, with this group, - with almost every group - do so many miss the obvious? To be sure there's truth and need for remedy in every reason given. But the one thing that should top the list, the thing that freezes so many women in place, is not even mentioned at all.
Women often don't leave domestic violence because they know that when they do leave the danger of more severe violence increases dramatically. Violence, and the sheer terror of it, is one of the principle reasons women don't leave. And the women are right!
Fact: When domestic violence victims attempt to leave the relationship, the stalking and violence almost always escalates sharply as the perpetrator attempts to regain control.

Fact: The majority of domestic violence homicides occur as a woman attempts to leave or after she has left.
Fact: The most serious domestic violence injuries are perpetrated against women who have separated from the perpetrator.
The women know these dangers. They know them because they've already experienced the violent responses when they've attempted to assert themselves, even minimally, within the relationship. They know because the perpetrators have usually threatened precisely what they intend to if she does try to leave.
"Instead of Helping Me, They Sunk
Me Even More"
The women also know these dangers are heightened still more because so many officials, first responders, and courts are also in denial of the gravity of her situation. And she's right again. Despite the modern-day rhetoric about treating domestic violence seriously, the reality is that the critical protections she needs when leaving are still as precarious and unpredictable as a roll of the dice. One responder may help effectively. The next may ignore, mock, underestimate, misdiagnose, walk away, blame her, take her kids, shunt her into social services, arrest her, send her to counseling, or one way or another refuse to implement real power on her behalf, abandoning her to a perpetrator who is now more enraged than ever.
The paths leading up to so many domestic violence homicides are paved with officials' failures to protect. Just weeks before she was murdered by her estranged husband, Maria hauntingly summed up her own, and so many others' experiences with officials. "Instead of helping me," she said, "They sunk me even more."
You can work tirelessly and compassionately to social work, counsel, and support the victim. But if you ignore this critical piece of making sure the system puts failsafe brakes on the perpetrator and his violence, it will be for naught. The perpetrator will continue to stalk and terrorize or worse. The victim will still be trapped in the violent relationship no matter where she has moved and how much independence she has attained. In fact, the freer she is, the angrier he gets.
And if you look just a little closer, you'll see that for domestic violence victims there really is no such thing as leaving, or escaping, until the system does, in fact, step up and effectively stop the perpetrator. There is no Mason Dixon line over which women can run and escape and be home free. The perpetrators can and do hunt her down anywhere.
Domestic Violence! Not 'Domesticated Violence', nor 'Violence Lite'!
It's interesting. When you do the same exercise, but merely shift to other forms of violent relationships, a group's responses are dramatically different. "Why doesn't the field slave," for example, "Run away from the plantation in the middle of the night while the master sleeps?" The answers are immediate and unequivocal. "Because the slaves know they'll get hunted down." "Because they know if they're caught they'll get beaten like never before." "Because they stand a good chance of getting killed."
The first answers out are never 'learned helplessness', 'low self esteem', or 'not enough money' even though there's no question these same psycho-social factors are just as much at work. In fact, if one were to lead off their explanations as to 'why slaves don't leave' with the 'learned helplessness' or 'not enough money' aspect, the insult of it would ring perfectly clear.
Whether you ask the question in regard to slaves, prisoners of war, kidnap victims, concentration camp captives, or residents of violent regimes, etc., the horrific dynamics and dangers of attempting to escape are well understood by everyone. Some victims of these violent relationships do, in fact, make a run for it. Some succeed. Some are killed. Some are recaptured and punished unmercifully.
Most victims, however, never go beyond an initial evaluation of the risks. The obvious dangers are just too great. They stay. Violence works. Violence, and the sheer terrorizing threat of it, has always, everywhere, worked better than anything else to keep victims compliant and pinned in place.
So why the glaring blind spot in regard to domestic violence victims? Why are women denied even the validation of the dangerous dynamics of her dilemma? Why do so many people still hold a view, as cloaked as it may be in paternal tones, that is more in sync with the perpetrator's stance than with the victim's? The view that the problem rests with her. That it's she that needs to be propped up and fixed.
As if this violence that plagues women around the world is a 'domesticated violence', or 'violence lite'!
The Patriarchy Still Rules! And Still Needs to be Upended!
The glaring blind spot is rooted deep in the self-preservation mechanisms of patriarchal rule. If the violent repression of women were to be recognized on a par with other violent repressions it would require nothing short of upending the missions of law enforcement, prosecutors, courts, and service organizations, and not just the adjustment of rhetoric we have now. The male-dominated power structure resists implementing its real powers on behalf of women in order to preserve the power for itself. That's fairly obvious.
But what about the blind spot of so many social workers, advocates, and therapists? Those who care about the women, and dedicate their lives to helping them? Perhaps it's one more layer of the battered women's syndrome that needs to be exposed. Because if we ourselves truly recognize the gravity of women's plight, we, too, have to move beyond the safety zones of the nurturing, supportive roles we find so comfortable.
We will be compelled to step out, challenge, watchdog, fight, demand, and make sure that the powerful, male-dominated institutions are, in fact, upended, and that they, indeed, begin to implement their full powers on behalf of women, and against the perpetrators. Only then will domestic violence victims truly have a real choice to leave.
Feel free to photocopy and distribute this information as long as you keep the credit and text intact.
Copyright © Marie De Santis,
Women's Justice Center,
www.justicewomen.com >rdjustice@monitor.net


Check out my group AHHHS to get more information and discussion on this  and other issue of abuse.
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Posted: Apr 21, 2007 11:25am

 

 
 
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Victoria Kelly
female, age 47, divorced, 2 children
Conroe, TX, USA
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