A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"But what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Women will love this..
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. And I don't know how to crochet. Amen!
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying the mother says, Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a town house, a beach front villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him............................
Physiotherapist will now be a word I will never forget how to spell ....
Physio was an intelligent boy. After doing a physiotherapy course broad for 3 years, he returned home and set up a clinic in his hometown. He asked a designer to make a new name plate to be hung on the wall outside the clinic.
The next morning, when he went to his clinic, he was pleased to find that the name plate was already put up. But he was greatly annoyed by the wordings on the plate: TUKANG URUT.
He went to the designer and took him to task. "How can you insult my profession? 'Tukang Urut' means masseur in Malay. I am a physiotherapist and not a masseur! Make sure you change the name right now! And see that the word is spelt correctly!" Physio said angrily.
The designer apologized and promised to make the changes immediately. Without further delay, he proceeded to change the name but found that the word "physiotherapist" was too long. So he broke it up into three words to make it easier to read.
The next morning, Physio hit the roof when he saw the new name.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank like a stone to the bottom and stayed there.
Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When t he medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell her the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses".
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he's dead".
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry".
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, you had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" Thlittle boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "..... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake, the barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
I posted a story on
'Brides Throwing Cats'
Instead of Flowers.It's
about how ppl photocopy
their cats and put them
in place of flowers; they
do NOT RECOMMEND anyone
actually does it. I
tried to make a comment
on it and ...
When I was in college, I
had several good friends.
One, named Bob, was 6'9
and he loved to go to
Audies to get beer and
drive back to the dorm,
where we lived on the
campus of Wright State
night at around midnight,
Bob knocked on...
I was so happy for a
while. I could sign my
petitions at the
Knight and still be
BarbCat here. But today I
notice that my name has
switched back to Barb
always up for a good
challenge *yes* Happy
I'm such an editor; I
can't stand it
when the printed
word is goofed up. And
whoever wrote this
petiton for Trayvon
really messed up. I'll
let you read the
paragraph.In the case of
Trayvon Martin--a boy who
was shot and killed on
his way to a Flo...
"Men, for years now, have
been talking about war
and peace. But now, no
longer can they just talk
about it. It is no longer
a choice between violence
and nonviolence in this
world; it's nonviolence
- Dr. Martin Luther King
What isKids Help Phone?
Call us if you want to
Write to us if you have
something on your mind
You don’t have to
pay for our service
We are always open
You don’t have to
tell us who you are
It’s between just
you and us