22,409,326 members doing good!
share your passions, stories, inspirations, and more
May 30, 2008

resolutions


When attempting to get an idea across (especially when change is the desired outcome) you are likely to meet many obstacles:

  • different agendas
  • differing personal values
  • prejudice
  • fear (of change)
  • unresolved anger and other emotions not related to the issue

-it would seem easier to give up than to continue!

  • How can you stop the responses from feeling like personal attacks? 
  • How can 2 sides come to an agreement when each value different things, or if each are pursuing different goals? 

conflict

.

I've 'adapted' the following article a little  apologies to Cait Johnson
Cheers, Jenny 


Conflict Resolution: Six Simple Steps by Cait Johnson, author of Earth, Water, Fire, and Air (SkyLight Paths, 2003)


.

1. Detach.
If you weren’t personally involved with this conflict, how differently would you feel?

  • Do what you can to self-soothe, be objective, calm yourself, and not take it personally.
  • It can help to approach the conflict as if you were an objective outside witness, simply observing.

2. Be Curious.
Adopt the spirit of inquiry, ask yourself questions... 

  • What is the other person feeling?
  • What lesson might be hidden here?
  • Where are my healthy boundaries around this issue?
  • (note from Jenny) What agendas might be hidden here?

3. Fair Hearing.
Let the other person express him or herself without your evaluating, judging, or condemning either them or what they have to say.

  • As uncomfortable feelings come up, breathe through them.
  • Witness to yourself how you are feeling without acting on those feelings:
    • there is nothing wrong with anger, for instance–anger is a healthy sign that something needs to change.
    • but some of the things people do with anger, like saying mean or hurtful things, can be damaging.

4. Echo.
Repeat back what you heard.

  • You will be amazed at how we often mis-hear things, and what a profoundly healing effect it has on a situation to simply be heard.
  • Also, if your conflict-partner has said hurtful things to you, simply stating what you heard can be really eye-opening: often, people simply don’t realize the effect their words have on others.

5. Express.
Rather than attacking with “You” statements, use “I” statements to say how you feel.

  • No one can argue with your feelings: they’re yours.
  • Take responsibility for your feelings, but stay as clean as possible, not allowing them to make you behave in less-than-kind ways.
  • Make the choice to stay in your truth with both strength and compassion- this is tremendously empowering. 

6. Find the Win-Win.
Perceive the other person as your partner in conflict resolution rather than as an enemy.

  • Ask questions like:
    • “What can we do to make this feel better?
    • "What would be a good solution for both of us?”
Visibility: Everyone
Tags: ,
Posted: May 30, 2008 11:13pm

 

 
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.

Author

Thubten Chokyi
female , committed relationship, 2 children
Sydney, Australia
Shares by Type:
All (348) | Blog (298) | Alert (14) | Top 10 List (1) | Recipe (8) | Photo (1) | Tribute (1) | Message (25)

Showing shares tagged with: win-win [show all]
SHARES FROM THUBTEN'S NETWORK
May
21
(0 comments  |  discussions )
A new study suggests that retirement can lead to a “drastic decline” in health over the medium and long term. Is this research sound, and what conclusions can we draw? The “Work Longer, Live Healthier” study, conducted by the ...
May
20
(0 comments  |  discussions )
For much of the past 10 years, beekeepers, primarily in the United States and Europe, have been reporting annual hive losses of 30 percent or higher, substantially more than is considered normal or sustainable. But this winter, many U.S. beekeepers e...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Experts warn that the Indian tiger, despite figures showing the population has stabilized, faces an increasing threat of extinction due to a lack of genetic diversity. Researchers from the UK’s Cardiff University, in collaboration with the Nati...
May
19
(0 comments  |  discussions )
A top judicial panel in Brazil has ruled that same-sex marriages must be allowed nationwide. An analysis and resolution issued Tuesday by Brazil’s 15-member National Council of Justice, the council that oversees the country’s judiciary, s...
May
18
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Marriage equality has enjoyed a number of breakthrough victories this past year, but looming is a brick wall that, if not tackled carefully, could stop progress dead. So, we need to talk about it. How Do You Solve a Problem Like Arizona, Virginia or ...
May
17
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Regular users of marijuana may be less likely to develop diabetes due to marijuana& rsquo;s abili ty to regulate insulin levels, a new study has found. A multi-center research team, headed by a team at the Cardiovascular Epidemi...
May
16
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Lithuanian religious leaders have formally opposed a Council of Europe Convention on domestic violence action because the convention includes lesbian, bisexual and trans women. In a formal statement released on May 9, the Lithuanian Bishop’s Co...
May
15
(0 comments  |  discussions )
ml PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC -html4
(0 comments  |  discussions )
ml PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC -html4
(0 comments  |  0 discussions )
Do openly gay actors make TV viewers switch off? Are they less believable in straight roles? According to a new study, the answer is no. Led by Paul Merrit, researchers from Clemson University try to answer the idea raised by several commentators in ...

Copyright © 2013 Care2.com, inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved