jenny cares 

Today I was asked how I made difficult decisions. Did I listen to my heart or my head? Answering became a therapeutic exercise.

This is how I answered...

I suppose I listen to BOTH my heart and my brain to help me get a balance. It's important to know HOW I feel about the choice, and equally important to know WHY I feel that way. Do I have an agenda that I'm hiding from myself? e.g. do I stay in a toxic relationship because I feel I need to give my partner another chance, or because I'm too afraid to leave and be on my own? or am I reluctant to leave because of what others think?

I often make a 'for' and 'against' list to help me decide if the solution is not apparent straight away.

My heart's prompting is very strong, but it does appreciate knowing all of the facts involved, and considering the potential consequences of various actions. Like a 'win/win' process. I'm old enough to have made many mistakes and have been fortunate to learn from them.

Acting from my heart alone has left me with years of regret. 

An example of a hard choice I had to make was during my divorce 20 yrs ago. Everyone was giving me advice on my rights, the 'correct course of action', and solicitors I needed to see. I started down this track, feeling bad about it the whole time, and berating myself from not being 'tougher'. I do understand how necessary the legal system is to protect people and to help families work things out together. However I finally listened to my heart, and it said this doesn't match who I am...my solicitors acted like I needed to chase him for everything he had... not my style at all!

Very often the friends who were so keen for me to do what they had done wore their anger and bitterness proudly as badges.

So I dropped that course of action and my husband and I sat down together and talked.

He is now my ex, and over the years he has been very fair to me and my children. I'm grateful every day that I didn't try to 'destroy' him, as so many others have done to each other in marriage and both sides ending up with nothing except lingering bitterness, and worst of all, the children suffering all the while and learning negative lessons about relationships.