Barry's Sharebook 

         Although the ego is often the loudest voice speaking within oneself, vociferously arguing for its own viewpoint, and vehemently demanding limitless, immediate, sometimes inappropriate, recklessly impulsive, potentially addictive, gratification of its insatiable desires and cravings, it is not one’s most essential, inherent, intrinsic, trustworthy, true inner voice, not one’s true self, not the source of one’s true happiness, security, maturity, self-understanding, and overall well-being. The individual selfish ego is strongly influenced by a collective negativity nature, which can sometimes function in a rather delusional, abusive, predatory, addictive, self-defeating, self-conflicted, self-contradictory, problematic, self-disturbing, narcissistically self-absorbed, even autistic, manner. The ego continuously urges one to become addicted to various kinds of false cravings, often for unhealthy, unwholesome, toxic, substances, attitudes, and habits, as a way of escaping from a deeper, but unreal, sense of basic deficiency, inner emptiness,  and fearful insecurity, which the ego tries to cover over by superimposing a distracting false façade of artificial pleasurable sensations and self-definitions, which can become rather grandiose and unrealistic, sometimes accompanied by destructively demonic energies and rather insane urges in the most extreme forms of selfish egoism. These various forms of ego-gratification are basically designed to provide quasi substitutes for the euphoria, excitement, vitality, security, well-being, and divine grandeur, that are intrinsic to our real being, and only imitated by the various intense, often addictive, compulsive, unhealthy, and unwholesome, sensations, substances, habits, and attitudes that the ego or separate sense of self-awareness urges us to pursue.

          It is important to distinguish between “healthy appetites”, that are truly natural, life-given, urges, and that can actually enhance one’s overall enjoyment of life, in contradistinction to unhealthy, addictive, unnatural appetites, or false cravings, that can be detrimental to one’s overall well-being and functioning, including potentially having serious negative, degenerative, toxic, effects upon one’s physical health, psychological stability, moral character, personal social relationships, professional career, etc. With addictive false cravings, one becomes "possessed by one’s possessions”, so to speak, so that one’s heart, mind, and body, becomes burdened with heavy "psychological baggage”, and related blocked energy clogging, which can greatly diminish one’s ability to satisfy one’s real, natural, life-given, needs, as well as impairing one’s overall level of well-being, security, happiness, genuine freedom of choice, constructiveness, as well as one’s overall health, vitality, and productive functioning of heart, mind, and body. In addition, extreme forms of narcissistic, selfish, self-absorption can produce psychological disturbances, contrary to optimal sanity, in terms of diminished investment in contact with objective reality situations in the world, as the mind, heart, and body become increasingly narcissistically self-absorbed and self-deluded by unrealistic egocentric presumptions and false assumptions, as a continuous inner monologue, or fantasy pseudo-life, which can diminish one’s ability to tune into the actual experiential truth of oneself, other people, and situations around oneself, in the objective world.

          The only reliable way to distinguish between healthy real appetites, or constructive natural urges, and addictive, toxic, false cravings is to, at least at times, tune out the loudly demanding, argumentative, voice of the selfish ego, so that one can intuitively “hear” the “still small voice” of the soul, one’s true self, one’s inherent, intrinsic, original, nature, as a life energy presence, communicating to one’s conscious awareness from the heart core, source integrity, level of one’s being, like a soft “inner beacon”, gently guiding one away from dangerous pitfalls and hidden traps, and leading one toward what is truly most beneficial to oneself, and, truly, compassionately, unselfishly, helpful to other people in one’s life. Goals and aspirations that come from the soul, the real self, are consistent with one’s natural, life-given, spiritually empowered, higher purposive destiny in life, involving the actualization, and ever growing fruition, of one’s fullest range of seed-like individual potentials, and personal relationship potentials, whereas goals and desires that come from the selfish ego often tend to lead one astray from the true reality nature of one’s own being, and away from one’s true potentials, abilities, natural inclinations, and genuine needs, overlaid, covered over, and obscured by the superimposition of false presumptive ideas and beliefs about oneself, such as, the ego’s idealized, unrealistic, unattainable, positively value judged self-images, which the psychologist Sigmund Freud referred to as the superego. Many of the superego’s goals, desires, and value, are basically attempting to validate a competitive sense of superiority in comparison with other people, in order to enhance the ego’s tenuous, conditional, sense of worth and self-esteem, and deny deeper feelings of presumed worthlessness, inferiority, and other negative feelings, whereas the soul, our real self, is an unconditional self-acceptance and intrinsic well-being, beyond all divisive positive and negative value judgments, or conditionally “good” and “bad” self-evaluations. Therefore, the soul has nothing to prove about oneself, so it has no need to put itself on trial, belittle other people, as a way of feeling better about itself, as well as defensively try to control and influence what other individuals say and do, in order to protect a fearful, fragile, sense of self, like a tenuous, collapsible, house of cards, or engaging in various other kinds of insincere, manipulative, exploitative, ego mind games, as a way of denying and compensating for the ego’s basic sense of deficiency and insecurity.

          One’s intrinsic real self is primarily a relational self, a relational center, which can experience its inherent true nature as love and happiness only by unselfishly sharing that pure nature with other individuals, and by expressing unconditional love, or sincere caring, to other people, unselfishly serving them to the best of one’s ability. Paradoxically, our greatest real hunger is to give deeply of our caring and energies to other individuals, rather than seeking to gratify basically selfish, hedonistic, egocentric, cravings, because the spiritual presence of real life energy, love, happiness, beauty, and goodness, grows more consciously awakened and substantially developed in oneself only when one unselfishly shares it with others, because it is a relational nature, not a narcissistically self-absorbed nature. In fact, excessive narcissistic self-absorption blocks and clogs one’s real life energies, trapping them within the selfish ego, when our energies do not naturally flow outward to other people, as we express unselfish caring to them. That unnatural blockage of love and life energy, trapped within the selfish, self-contained, narcissistic ego, rather than naturally flowing outward to other people, perverts, distorts, or twists, our naturally pure, wholesome, regenerative, life energy into its opposite nature, so that our energy becomes increasingly toxic, foul, unclean, degenerative, and ultimately self-destructive. In addition, that blocked life energy, trapped within the selfish ego, produces feelings of tension, fear, anger, self-confinement, self-imprisonment, as well as various other forms of inner and outer negativity. It is only by unselfishly, deeply, caring about others that our energies can be released from narcissistic self-confinement, which makes us feel, and be, much more alive, joyful, secure, regenerative, creative, and productive, than what we could otherwise experience, as a higher overall level of well-being, or greater inner and outer positivity.

          In its most extreme forms, the selfish ego functions like an “energy vampire”, so to speak, sucking ever more of our conscious attention, energy, and passion, into itself, like quicksand, or like the strong inward pulling suction of a Black Hole in outer space, as an escalating, addictive, self-perpetuating, momentum of inner and outer negativity that can be very difficult to undo, whereas the maturely developed and consciously awakened unselfishly giving, loving, nature of the soul is like an ever shining sun or star, which can never be depleted by endlessly giving of its inexhaustible warmth, light, and energy through the process of perpetual shining. That is why we naturally feel much better, in a genuine rather than artificially contrived way, as we unselfishly express our caring-energy to others, and, thereby, experience its limitless abundance, inner substantiality, joyfulness, and overflowing fullness of being. However, the more that the selfish ego tries to fill itself by functioning like an energy vampire, feeding of the energy of others, or feeding off of the energy of addictive substances and sensations, the more inwardly empty, deficient, and insubstantial, it feels, because trying to incorporate energy, vitality, or any other desired experiential state from outside of our own being reflects a presumptive conviction of limited scarcity, inner deficiency, lack of wholeness, lack of well-being, inertia, or lack of energy, etc. The unselfish spiritual nature of the soul, our real being, is a principle of “united we stand”, sharing a cohesive, coherent, relational energy that cannot be easily divided and thereby disintegrated, whereas the selfish ego is a principle of “divide and conquer”, or “divided we fall” ever deeper and deeper into self-disintegrating negativity.

          Whichever nature and motivational intention we express to others becomes increasingly more strongly reinforced in our inner and outer experience, because we can express to others, and, thereby, objectify, only whatever nature we hold ourselves to be, most essentially. Ego-related thoughts, desires, feelings, and sensations, are fleeting and vacuous, like temporary shadows, or passing clouds in the sky, whereas the spiritual nature of the soul is everlasting, like the sun, or stars. Whatever psychological or physical possessions that the selfish ego seeks to acquire in time can be lost in time, whereas whatever true love, caring, and goodness, we unselfishly share with others remains with us forever, because it is an objectified expression of our intrinsic permanent being, and we can never lose what we inherently be, and we can truly give or express only energy that we hold ourselves to be, or that flows from our actual being. Perhaps this is what is meant by passages in the bible such as, “For how does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but loses his own soul?”, and, “those who drink from my well will never thirst again”, because the fountain of true love, goodness, and pure life energy is fully satisfying and inexhaustible.

          We are each particular individualized forms of God’s pure, immortal, Spirit, unfolding as our individual fruitage of actualized potentials of real intelligence, which includes our real relationship potentials, as well as our real individual talents and natural abilities. Spiritual intelligence is the one, all, only, ever present reality nature. Spirit has no opposite nature, in reality, but it needs an illusory opposite shadowy ego nature to challenge, exercise, and, thereby, strengthen, our real nature. When we fully maturely develop and awaken our individual spirit of love-life energy by unselfishly sharing it with others, or expressing it to others, it becomes like an inexhaustible flame or fountain that is never depleted through its endless giving, as a veritable “immortal flame”, symbolically represented by the “Eternal Flame”, or Torch of the Olympic Games, the Statue of Liberty, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, the lights on a Christmas tree or Hanukah Menorah, etc, whereas the selfish ego is only illusory, dark, shadowy, cloudlike, empty, vacuous, self-talk, like daydreams, hallucinations, or unconscious hypnotic suggestions. The individual and collective unreal ego nature tries to influence us by fusing with our real energy-being nature and our natural real experiential states, and by pretending to speak as our own inner voice, our own heart, mind, and body. But the unreal will naturally fall away from the real if we do not react to it, identify with, or express, the unreal, and, instead, keep expressing only our own real nature, as a natural goodness, unselfish caring, and flawless purity of being nature.

My advice for achieving true success in life is, do not worry about achieving apparent success and avoiding apparent failure. Worry is an expression of fear, which anticipates and attracts bad results. Worry is an attempt to control situations, which only backfires and makes matters worse, because life is a flow of energy that cannot really be controlled, and it flows best when we flow with it, and do not move against it. We are staying in harmony with the flow of life, or being, when we just try to do the best that we can with the task at hand, and then leaving the apparent outcome, or results, up to life, God, Spirit, or a Higher Power. Worry often produces loss of sleep, tiredness, and tension. That tension, or lack of relaxation, will lessen one’s ability to be open to new insights and intuitions that can help one to be more successful in any kind of endeavor. Worry reflects an expectation of failure, which makes it more likely to occur, whereas when there is no worry, then there is no fear, no tension, and, therefore, no blockage of spiritual energy and intuitive insights flowing into oneself, enabling one to be more successful in any task that one is doing. Performing one’s efforts with strain and struggle is an oppositional process that wastes productive energy and blocks the flow of productive new opportunities, insights, and harmonious energies that could otherwise lead to success. As has been suggested by other bloggers and inspirational/transformational public speakers, we should view ourselves as having already accomplished whatever goals we are trying to achieve, like viewing a golf ball as having already arrived in the golf hole (already reached the target, already at the goal) even before we launch the golf ball with the golf stick. The expectation of success makes it more likely to happen, whereas the expectation of failure also makes it more likely to happen. However, we should not try to control the outcome of our work, because sometimes what seems like failure is actually a productive success, and sometimes what seems like a big success is actually a failure, by moving us further in the wrong direction, away from our true destiny and best interests. What that means is, sometimes God/life does not let us achieve our intended goals because it may need to move us in a different direction, to accomplish something else that is much better and really necessary for our continued development and well being, but which might be impeded if we were able to achieve our own current goals. God, or Life, has a Greater Wisdom that is sometimes far beyond our own presumptive views of what success and failure involve. That is what is meant by the wise old adage, "Man makes plans, but God (or Life) has His own (plans)."

Peace must actually be lived, along with indivisibly related qualities of goodness such as love, happiness, and beauty, because it is not truly real if it is only a static, abstract, presumptive, thought in the mind, without being lived, or expressed, as a dynamic, responsive, energy, through everything that we say and do, in every here and now present moment. I find that inner peace naturally leads to outer peace, meaning that when the heart is deeply relaxed, with an attitude of non-judgmental unconditional acceptance of oneself and others, so that we are fully at peace with ourselves, then that inner peace will naturally be reflected outwardly by bringing peace and harmony to our experience in the world. The key to inner peace, which brings peace, harmony, and love into the outer world, is to experience the deep sense of fearlessness, security, and well being, that comes from unselfishly expressing caring, or love, to others, and, thereby, being forgetful of the fearful, selfish, ego, a false or unreal sense of self that is the basic source of lack of peace, harmony, and goodness in our inner experience and in the outer world.

We cannot find inner and outer peace by turning inward, in any kind of selfish self-awareness, because introspective self-awareness blocks our conscious life energy from naturally flowing outward to others, and that blocked energy contracts or clenches the emotional heart center level of one’s being, producing fear, tension, hostility, and other related forms of negativity. The role of narcissistic self awareness in producing inner and outer conflict, or lack of peace and harmony, can be understood in metaphorical terms represented by a Black Hole in space, recoiled upon itself, in a powerful inward suction, producing a destructive momentum of self-confinement and disintegration, that traps light, warmth, and energy, unnaturally blocking energy from flowing outward, contrary to the naturally radiant energy of love, epitomized by sunshine, light, and water naturally flowing outward, rather than pulling inward toward their source of origin.

Some people seek a false sense of peace and security by introspectively turning inward, often through introversive practices such as solitary meditation, abstract contemplation, or living the isolated life of a hermit, as a means of avoiding the risk of possibly experiencing rejection, loss, disappointment, anger, conflict, and other forms of emotional pain, hurt, or negativity that may come from being deeply invested in heartfelt caring or loving relationships with other people. The sense of calm that comes from isolating oneself in that way is not true inner peace, because it involves escaping from fearful feelings, and a fragile sense of insecurity, which one anticipates might arise if one comes out of one’s egocentric self-protective, isolated, detached, psychological “walls”, “shell”, or “bubble.” The false inner peace, or solitary calm, of emotional detachment reflects a numbed, death-like, static, timid, stony, cold-hearted, dispassionate, rather uncaring, contracted, sense of indifference, whereas real inner peace and outer harmony reflects the living energy of unselfish, expansive, warmhearted, love, that arises from an openness to letting be, flowing with, learning from, being strengthened by, and, thereby, finding true goodness in, uncomfortable, or unpleasant, feelings and situations that might arise from being deeply invested in caring relationships with other individuals.

Although peace and harmony cannot be found by turning inward, in any kind of introspective self awareness, inner and outer peace finds us when we are self forgetful as ego, by being deeply invested in unselfishly caring about others around us, and then, in being forgetful of the ego, as a false sense of separate self-awareness, we find our real self as love and goodness, which is a relational self, an unselfishly, generously, giving nature, not a separate, selfish, self awareness. Only when people connect to one another in loving harmony can spiritual love blessing power flow through them into the world, and transform this world for the better, eliminating conflicts, and manifesting the unconditional peace, harmony, and goodness that is inherent to the permanent being of love.

One cannot reach enduring peace from a position of holding inner and outer conflict, disturbance, and deficiency, or lack of well being, to be reality, and then trying to find some way to overcome, resolve, or eliminate that negativity. Struggling against negativity, and viewing it as the true reality nature of oneself, others, and life as a whole, perpetuates and magnifies that negativity, pulling one’s conscious energy ever deeper and deeper into that negativity, which energizes, feeds, and amplifies that negativity, like trying to fight fire with fire only makes the fire hotter and more destructive. Trying to overcome conflict, brutality, and oppression by struggling against perceived injustices and oppressors, expressing a blaming, judgmental, antagonistic, attitude toward such perceived wrongdoers, can fan the flames of negativity by arousing even greater hostility in those being blamed, and reinforcing their view of themselves as actually having the malevolent qualities attributed to them by those activists who denounce them. Much more powerful and enduring change for the better can come from expressing the intrinsic permanent being of relaxed peace, harmony, love, and goodness as already being the true reality nature of oneself, and viewing that as also being the inherent true nature of other individuals, and of life as a whole, now already.

Conditions of conflict, suffering, oppression, and injustice, are most likely to enduringly subside if one views that negativity as being only a temporary, dreamlike, illusory, experience, like a nightmare, not the intrinsic true reality nature of anyone’s permanent being. Recognizing and expressing that permanent being of peace, harmony, and well being, is what most profoundly, and enduringly, dispels temporary illusory experiences of individual and societal disorders, like waking up automatically dispels dreams, and like bright sunshine effortlessly dissolves dark clouds, whereas antagonistically struggling against negativity often makes it worse, by immersing one’s conscious energy ever deeper into the negativity that one struggles against, like being obsessed with darkness keeps it always in mind, instead of turning on the light, which automatically dispels darkness, or like making muddy waters muddier by stirring them up, instead of permitting the mud to naturally fall back down to the bottom of the pond by not agitating the water, which restores the natural purity of the water. Sometimes one can work to change the status quo if some other alternative would be more compassionate and beneficial, but still remain grounded in relaxed inner peace, so that that inner peace can produce, and be reflected by, greater harmony, justice, and abundance in the outer world.

I find that when I let go of the ego's overly controlling, willful, prideful, selfish, narcissistically self absorbed tendencies (as in the ancient Greek Myth story of Narcissus), that I find that the flow of love, or sincerely caring friendship, is no longer blocked, and then harmony and mutual empathic understanding arises automatically, effortlessly, spontaneously. When those ego "coverings", "filters", "overlays", or "smokescreens", are removed, then there is no longer any blockage to good communication and deep empathic communion with each other. That reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "On a clear day, you can see forever...." Along these lines, I find the philosopher Martin Buber's distinction between I-Thou relationships (genuinely caring) and I-It relationships (egocentric, selfishly exploitative) relationships helpful, as described in some of his writings, such as, "I and Thou", and "The Way of Response."