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Feb 16, 2014

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”

 

Spencer Johnson

 

Many years ago, when I was in high school chemistry lab, I was assigned to do a litmus test to determine where various chemicals fell on the continuum from acidic to alkaline or other base composition. I now view that litmus test as a metaphor for learning to discern how to live in harmonious alignment with my individual and relational core integrity from moment to moment. I have found that relying exclusively on analytical reasoning and apparent factual information of the mind, along with sensory data, cannot always provide me with the best possible insight into the experiential truth and energy flow of the moment, and how to appropriately function or flow in flexible, dynamic, rightful attunement with it. Instead, I have found that sometimes I feel intuitively guided to go beyond basing decisions entirely on available factual information by discerning what  options of perception and action seem relatively consistent or inconsistent with an invisible subtle energy pulse of rightful integrity, involving nonselective integrated openness to my whole experiential truth and my naturally self-consistent indivisible whole real being, recognized as a distinctive energy tone of inner peace, warmhearted caring, empathic compassion, regenerative life energy, and lightness of spirit, in contrast to an antithetical energy tone of queasiness, biased presumptions, selective viewing, lack of self-consistency with the intrinsic wholeness and rightful goodness of my being and everyone’s being, inner agitation, coldhearted callousness, degenerative discord, as well as heaviness and darkness of spirit. When my perception and action is rightfully aligned with my heartfelt intuitive core integrity, then I feel that I am truly honoring the intrinsic goodness and preciousness of life or reality in myself, other individuals who I encounter, and the all-inclusive whole of being, rather than distorting, degrading, or cheapening  my own truth and the truth of others by divorcing or distancing my perception and action from the real energy and experience flowing within and around me. Our core integrity is naturally inclined to be empathically understanding of and compassionately responsive to the legitimate needs and concerns of others because it is a relational self, a relational center, in contrast to the ego as an illusory, dualistically separated, divisive, narcissistically self-preoccupied sense of self or inner voice.

Attunement with my intuitively discerned core integrity heightens my receptive openness to limitless expansive possibilities and flexible creative insights, whereas my energies, options, and resources feel more blocked, fixated, contracted, constricted, and restricted when I permit myself to be distracted by narcissistic ego mind chatter, biased preconceived presumptions, demanding expectations, as well as rigid, fear-oriented modes of perception and action.  Core integrity makes me feel more alert and grounded in real life energy experience, like following an inner GPS, compass, or beacon, whereas preconceived presumptions make me feel cut off from the actual flow of energy experience. We intuitively know that we are living in core integrity when we are willing to relate to, and cherish, what is actually experientially real in self and others rather than pursuing some kind of presumptive “ought to be” or desired “should be,” distorting our view of self and others by projecting various kinds of extraneous definitions, interpretations, idealized or disparaging images, and judgmental demanding expectations, and exploiting others to aggrandize our own narcissistic egos, as in Martin Buber’s distinction between I-Thou and I-It relationships.

When I am expansively connected to the relational flow of energy experience within and around myself, then I experience greater caring warmth of heart and vitality, whereas when I step out of that connective relational flow into narcissistic mind chatter, then I experience more inner coldness, inner numbing or deadening, and more blockage, constriction, or contraction of my own energies. This reminds me of melting/defrosting ice in my refrigerator, many years ago, (when the refrigerator needed to be cleaned out in preparation for the next tenant of a rented apartment that I was vacating), by repeatedly pouring hot water on the ice until large chunks of it suddenly came loose, all at once. Metaphorically speaking, I find that the warmth of expansive, empathically caring connection to other individuals and undistracted attentiveness to situations happening around me melts away much of the fearful , contracted, coldness and heavy denseness of my energies.

When I am abiding in the flow of my own core integrity, then I sometimes become more attuned to the joyful  “song” and “dance” or vibratory rhythmic pulse of my own essential being, my own heart and soul, my true "perfect pitch.” However, resistively trying to escape from the natural imperfections or “rough edges” of life experience only produces an unhealthy process of inner and outer conflict, whereas I find that inner and outer healing naturally takes place when I show flexible loving compassion for the stuck and sticky places within and between us. I find that the best way to bring healing to my own inner pain and negativity is embrace it with love so that it can be consciously restored to the natural wholeness of my being and thereby healed, whereas when I negatively judge, blame, reject, and oppose my own fear, pain, and negativity, it fights me back, exacerbating disruptive inner and outer discord.

I believe that the best way to compassionately transform for the better our individual lives, personal relationships, local communities, particular social networks, and the whole world, is to select options that reflect alignment with our own distinctive, dynamically flexible, energy pulse of core integrity and ethical responsibility. For example, this involves selecting or developing lifestyles, careers, shared relational activities, consumer spending patterns, and voting behaviors that promote compassion, equity, sustainability, and expanded opportunities for everyone, rather than depleting individual and shared resources, opportunities, and freedoms in an unsustainable, contracting, manner.  Like exercising a muscle to strengthen it, the only way to develop our intuitive core integrity, so that it will be available for us when we really need it, is to gradually practice tuning into the distinctive energy feeling tone of the “heart” core, center, depth, or essential level of our own being when the analytical calculations and apparent factual information of the mind and the sensory data of the body do not seem able to provide us with sufficiently clear, penetrating, and reliable insight into a particular situation, encounter, or decision that we are considering.

 

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Posted: Feb 16, 2014 6:03pm
Jan 29, 2014

I have recently posted some BlogSpot radio interviews and YouTube videos, publicizing my two new books,

1) Deepening Your Personal Relationships: Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication.

2) Psychological Healing Through Creative Self-Understanding and Self-Transformation.

These books are available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and my author webpage, http;//sbprabooks.com/MaxHammer

The books will be very valuable for anyone who seeks to improve their personal relationships, heal psychological pain and inner conflict, achieve greater levels of inner peace, happiness, spiritual awakening, and creative functioning. The links to my recent radio interviews and YouTube videos follow below:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authormarketingideasradio/2014/01/27/first-interview-with-barry-hammer

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authormarketingideasradio/2014/01/28/second-interview-with-barry-hammer

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authormarketingideasradio/2014/01/29/third-interview-with-barry-hammer

Barry Hammer, Psychological Healing Through Creative Self-Understanding and Self-Transformation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVrtJWHe1Dc&feature=youtu.be

Barry Hammer, Deepening Your Personal Relationships http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFu2YZrpzj4&feature=youtu.be

Jan 13, 2014

Dear Friends:

My two current books have been published and are available for sale through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the publisher’s website, http://sbprabooks.com/MaxHammer. Reading these books can be very helpful for anyone seeking transformational insights about enhancing their psychological well-being, self-understanding, creative functioning, spiritual development, and personal relationships. The primary author of the two books is my beloved late father, Dr. Max Hammer; I (Dr. Barry Hammer) am a secondary author and contributor of the two books. The titles of my two books are:

  1. Psychological Healing Through Creative Self-Understanding and Self-Transformation (published by Strategic Book Publishing and Rights Agency, 2014)

  2. Deepening Your Personal Relationships: Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication. (Published by Strategic Book Publishing and Rights Agency, 2014).

     

    Information about these two books from the publishers’ website follows below:

http://sbprabooks.com/maxhammer/

Books by Dr. Max Hammer, with

Dr. Barry J. Hammer and Dr. Alan C. Butler

 

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Dr. Max Hammer and Dr. Alan C. Butler are psychologists from Maine. Dr. Barry J. Hammer, also from Maine, has a specialization in the history of world religions, and for many years has studied the process of psychological and spiritual transformation, and its applicability to enhancing human relationships.

The primary author, the late Dr. Max Hammer, was an editor and a major contributor of two previously published books, The theory and Practice of Psychotherapy with Specific Disorders (Springfield, Illinois:  Charles C. Thomas Publisher, 1972); and The Practice of Psychotherapy with Children (Homewood, Illinois: Dorsey Press, 1967). He also published about 30 articles in the fields of psychotherapy and clinical psychology.

 

About the Books

 

Psychological Healing Through Creative Self-Understanding and Self-Transformation


ISBN: 978-1-62857-075-5

ISBN / SKU: 1-62857-075-X

This book is also available at

Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

Wholesalers please e-mail

bookorder@sbpra.net

 

Psychological Healing Through Creative Self-Understanding and Self-Transformation

 

Are you ready for psychological healing? This book is your liberating guide to psychological growth, including self-understanding, self-transformation, healing psychological pain, as well as achieving psychological and spiritual fulfillment. Some aspects of psychological health and fulfillment discussed in this book include, authenticity, sincerity, integrity, creativity, intuition, empathy, courage, strength of character, unselfish love, emotional security, and inner wholeness.

Readers will discover a new understanding of effective psychotherapy, groundbreaking diagnostic psychological testing research, as well as the distinction between the ego self-concept, the experiential self, and the transpersonal self (the real self, the relational self, or the holistic self).

Principles of psychological self-understanding and healing self-transformation can enhance the development of interpersonal relationships, as well as facilitate effective and fulfilling ways of living in society. Self-transformation at your fingertips!

 

Deepening Your Personal Relationships: Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication

 

ISBN: 978-1-61897-590-4

ISBN / SKU: 1-61897-590-0

This book is also available at

Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

Wholesalers please e-mail

bookorder@sbpra.net

 

Deepening Your Personal Relationships: Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication

 

Looking for Better Relationships? Let the Experts Tell You How!

Deepening Your Personal Relationships was written by three experts in the field. Their combined expertise will help you in Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication, which will be beneficial in all types of relationships.

The book explains how to achieve healthy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships by using effective communication, empathy, shared transformational development, and constructive conflict resolution. Deepening Your Personal Relationships provides original, meaningful, and transformational insights that are especially helpful in understanding how to overcome our subconscious resistance against emotional intimacy and good communication.

Readers wanting to enhance their personal relationships, gain insight into transformational self-help, and achieve social transformation will find this book especially helpful. It will also be of keen interest to professional relationship counselors, such as marriage counselors, family counselors, and conflict mediators. The goal is to understand how good relationships can produce enhanced levels of spiritual development, psychological healing, self-understanding, creative functioning, inner peace and happiness, and ultimately, fulfillment in life.

May 2, 2009

Agreement or disagreement in a personal human relationship is much less important than good communication as a way of enabling people to deeply understand each other, and, thereby, gradually develop the ability to feel inwardly close to each other, as caring good friends. Good communication, as the basis of true friendship, means that one does not keep one’s inner experience to oneself alone, but, instead, actively reaches out to share one’s experience, feelings, thoughts, and needs with another person, as openly, honestly, directly, fully, constructively, and non-judgmentally, as possible. Good communication, as the basis of true and enduring friendship, genuine caring, and emotional closeness, in any kind of human relationship, also involves being open to considering another person’s viewpoint and needs, and constructively exploring disagreements that may arise between oneself and the other person, without trying to win an argument, but, rather, only exploring together into the truth of those issues, without blaming, abusing, or trying to intimidate and control each other, and without insisting that one is always totally “right” and the other person is always totally “wrong”. Without that kind of good communication, actively reaching out to share one’s heart and mind with another person, one’s inner being remains hidden, disconnected, self-enclosed, so real understanding and close, caring, feelings cannot grow, as a deepening friendship.

 

So many friendships and romantic relationships fail because people permit themselves to “grow apart”, or gradually drift apart, without ever taking responsibility to deeply reveal themselves to the other person, and deeply tune into the other person, empathically, and intuitively, in order to directly experience what the other person means by the particular words that they say, or write, “reading between the lines”, so to speak, or tuning into an even deeper level of another person’s being, beyond all definable words and images. That deepest level of empathic/intuitive communion is the Source from which all true love and friendship arises, and that is what enables true love and friendship to keep growing deeper, closer, and grander, instead of gradually drifting apart because of lack of good communication, producing lack of mutual understanding, and lack of inner closeness. What makes people true friends of each other, rather than strangers, most essentially, is not outer physical contact, shared activities, and superficial social interaction, by themselves alone, but much more importantly, arises from development of substantial inner connection, by giving deeply, generously, unselfishly, of their energies to each other, and openly, honestly, directly, revealing their actual experience and true essential core being to one another.

Many relationships fail when individuals seek to be heard and nurtured, but have not developed a sufficient ability to be unselfishly, empathically, tuned into, aware of, and caringly responsive to, the other person's need to also be heard and nurtured, in terms of their particular needs, feelings, and experiences, in a given moment. It takes a rather high level of unselfish caring, empathic sensitivity, and emotional maturity to be able to put aside one's own needs and train of thought (or inner mental monologue) for a while, in order to empathically tune into what another person is feeling and needing, in a given moment, and respond in a way that enables the other person to feel truly heard and deeply nourished/nurtured. Like a couples dance, both partners (or individuals in some other kind of relationship) need to learn how to flow together in empathic harmonious communion with one another ("in step" with each other's dance movements, metaphorically speaking), and, relatedly, also flow in harmonious attunement with the "dance music" of love, or caring friendship, that seeks to lead both of them into greater attunement with each other, as a related "we", rather than a separate "you versus me."

My own experience has shown me that if one is overly invested in preserving the ego's sense of separate self-awareness, willful selfish demands, and inner monologue fantasy (being overly absorbed in one's own train of thought), then it can become difficult to self-forgetfully tune into what another person is experiencing, feeling, and needing, regardless of whether or not the other person verbally communicates that, or which can also be empathically intuited, as a kind of nonverbal communication. I find that when I hold certain presumptions or preconceptions about another individual, and about my relationship with/to them, then those presumptions can function like a kind of overlay, opaque filter, or smokescreen, that I, consciously or subconsciously, project upon them, preventing me from directly contacting their actual experiential states, because I am, instead, projecting my own preconceptions upon them.

I find that even negative feelings, such as, frustration, or even anger, can be expressed in a constructive, nonjudgmental, nonblaming, open, sincerely caring, non-evasive, manner, which usually leads to greater understanding of each other, and of whatever issue has been blocking us from being in harmonious caring attunement with each other (preventing us from being "on the same page", so to speak), and once those issues are constructively explored into and deeply understood, then they can be truly resolved and transcended (rather than merely being covered over, buried, or suppressed), enabling emotional closeness and caring feelings in the relationship to grow. I find that being honest with myself, in terms of being willing to openly admit to myself when I am permitting previously unrecognized, non-constructive, insincere, ego "games" to undermine the relationship, such as, evasiveness (talking or chattering without really saying anything), letting myself become emotionally shut down (engaging in emotional abandonment, which can function as a way of subtly trying to punish the other person, by withholding caring, affection, or attentive listening), giving in to wounded pride, as a resentful attitude, or adopting an overly selfishly demanding attitude. I find that when I am willing to acknowledge and let go of such egocentric habitual patterns, then those obstructing factors that tend to block caring feelings and mutual understanding tend to fall away, naturally, effortlessly.

For a relationship to endure and grow, it is important for both individuals to be good friends in each other, willing to confide in each other, be there for each other emotionally as well as physically in times of need, and be willing to share difficult times, and patiently work through persistent problems in the relationship, rather than being quick to abandon the other person, and the relationship with them, when discomfort arises. That is what it means to be an unselfishly devoted "friend for all seasons" rather than a selfishly fickle "fair-weather friend." When I do not understand how to constructively understand and resolve, disagreements and other problems, in a relationship, then I find it helpful to invite the spirit of unselfish pure love to interpret the situation, which can enable me to see beyond, and not be myopically, exclusively, locked into, the ego's interpretations of those situations, which are often based on incorrect presumptions and nonconstructive, unrealistic, selfish wants.

I find that when I let go of the ego's overly controlling, willful, prideful, selfish, narcissistically self absorbed tendencies (as in the ancient Greek Myth story of Narcissus), that I find that the flow of love, or sincerely caring friendship, is no longer blocked, and then harmony and mutual empathic understanding arises automatically, effortlessly, spontaneously. When those ego "coverings", "filters", "overlays", or "smokescreens", are removed, then there is no longer any blockage to good communication and deep empathic communion with each other. That reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "On a clear day, you can see forever...." Along these lines, I find the philosopher Martin Buber's distinction between I-Thou relationships (genuinely caring) and I-It relationships (egocentric, selfishly exploitative) relationships helpful, as described in some of his writings, such as, "I and Thou", and "The Way of Response."

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Posted: May 2, 2009 5:57pm

 

 
 
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Author

Barry H.
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Orono, ME, USA
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Feb
18
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Hello my C2 Family, First let me say Thank You to those of you who have so sweetly fwd my posts. You are SO AWESOME!! I will never forget your help. Anytime I can repay the favour, please tell me. Second, my Submit button has disappeared leaving ...
Feb
16
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My little Valentine, Lily, loves taking pictures. She said "Mom, let's do a Valentines photo shoot, so I can send the pics as cards to our friends" lol.  I can't believe she's 5 yrs old! Looking back at my 1st album of her: "Lilyanna Jane, is cra...
by Rock H.
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In recognition of the environmental benefits of a plant-based diet, the Sierra  Club  is  pleased  to announce a week  long  vegan “volunteer  vacation”  in  Yosemite National Park, Californ...
Feb
15
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New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle. Urge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast http://www.thepetitionsit e.com...
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This is Venus Marquez's friend, Gina Arellano. Venus is a friend of my daughter Nikka.  She seems to be covered in rashes/sores due to possibly chickenpox and needs to raise at least 200 Euros - about $275 US - to cover medical expenses. If you...
Feb
13
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New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle. Urge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast http://www.thepetitionsit e.com...
Feb
10
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Feb
8
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