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Jul 20, 2006
Do you remember the way I used to laugh,


at your silly faces,
inconspicuos jokes,
and the oddities of life,


Do you know why,


I noticed the small things,
flowers on a trail next to the worn wall of a house,
how a butterfly gently brushed against your leg,
the dimple in your skin above your lips when you talked,
or the way the moonlight hit the water.


Do you remember,
late night meals at four in the morning,
jiffy pop and annoying sticky food,
tap water Kool Aid,


Walks around the lake,
dreaming that was our house and what we would do if it were,
that smelly gasoline bridge, water lillies,


the waterfall drenching me while you laughed,
taking shelter in the playground during that crazy thunderstorm,
telling me to kiss you in the rain on the way to our apt,


remember how you said you would always love me?
even I thought it could be true, possible,
even I thought I could love you more,
and I did
yet even I...can be wrong


and I was..


wrong,


and I


I was stupid,


but I have always been wise,
and I will remain strong.


I can remember what I gave,
I can remember what you took,
I can remember all these good things we were fortunate to share,


but I won't remember how it felt when I held you,
or caressed your face,
how it felt when I ran my soft hands through your hair,


I won't remember what it meant when I whispered "I love you"
in your ear while you slept,


I won't remember how you looked at me when we lay in bed,
staring at each other in the twilight of the morning,


I won't remember missed kisses in the dark,
or when you read to me till I fell asleep,


I won't remember, because I won't let you hurt me anymore.


this is what I will record of our love,
this is all I know how to do.


I know,


it was my choice to end it,
it was my fault it happened,
because I - EXIST.


I can live with my decision.


I couldn't live with the fact that you were draining me of all my love,
all my beauty, anything that was good and right in me,


couldn't live with you possessing me while you lied to my face,
you took my soul, my spirit and blew it out of your hands like shredded pieces of paper,
scattered to the air as if it meant nothing.


I chose not too be your shleter anymore,
there is no room left in the scarred chambers of my heart.


I can't get back what you stole from me,


in fact...


I can't even cry anymore.


~ you shattered me like glass 


I should have known~


there was always broken glass.

Christina Brown

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Posted: Jul 20, 2006 12:07pm
Feb 20, 2006
As somber daylight peeks in through the blinds,
I ly awake, pondering the night that brought swift dreams.

A world of riches, endless days,
Dripping with fantasy, and Pomegranate seeds.

Spare me loves angst and smolder my fire.

I gaze upon the moonless night,
searching for a quivering star.

I kiss the hurt that brings me,
to where you are.


The world rains today,
A trillion tears,
Dropping,
 Slapping,
  Serenading me,
Upon the windowsill.

I cannot forget why I am sad,
Emptiness,
The spaciousness enrobs me,
And I will not fight.

Were fighting to return to me,
What I have lost,
I would be dead.
Not here lingering, resting my soul,
against the window...

pain.

I feel like rain.

Christina Brown
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Posted: Feb 20, 2006 11:18pm
Feb 18, 2006
What if I told you?

That sometime soon I’ll die,

Would you think about me?

Miss me?  Would you even cry?

 

Don’t ask me the question,

Because I don’t know how or why

But I sometimes have the feeling

That sometime soon I’ll die.

 

I wake up every morning

Laughing at the day,

Thoughts play in my mind though

Wondering when I’ll fade.

 

I don’t concentrate on dying,

I’m just acutely aware,

Aware of my morbidity

It’s a somehow strange affair.

 

My intentions are not dark,

Well maybe just a little.

I do enjoy each escaped breath,

Laughter, joy, and loves acquittal.

 

The difficulty in my life,

Is what I know is true;

My moments here are memories,

Occurring to remind me of my existence.

Each day I live, to death I give,

Another shot of persistence.

 

So now, what if I told you,

That sometime soon you will die too,

Would you hate me for reminding?

Of the way your life’s unwinding?

 

You should wake up every morning,

And laugh at your new day,

Think about your actions,

Don’t let chances get away.

 

I welcome every circumstance,

Life somehow presents to me.

I know death is just a moment,

Within our eternity.

2005 By Christina B.

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Posted: Feb 18, 2006 12:27am
Feb 4, 2006
I Carry Your Heart
by E.E. Cummings


I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear;
And whatever is done by only me
Is your doing, my darling)

I fear
No fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want
No world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you
Are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing
Is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than the soul can hope
Or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder
That’s keeping the stars apart

 

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)


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Posted: Feb 4, 2006 2:15pm
Jan 19, 2006
self evident

yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation
and once upon a time
we were moonshine
rushing down the throat of a giraffe
yes, rushing down the long hallway
despite what the p.a. announcement says
yes, rushing down the long stairs
with the whiskey of eternity
fermented and distilled
to eighteen minutes
burning down our throats
down the hall
down the stairs
in a building so tall
that it will always be there
yes, it's part of a pair
there on the bow of noah's ark
the most prestigious couple
just kickin back parked
against a perfectly blue sky
on a morning beatific
in its indian summer breeze
on the day that america
fell to its knees
after strutting around for a century
without saying thank you
or please

and the shock was subsonic
and the smoke was deafening
between the setup and the punch line
cuz we were all on time for work that day
we all boarded that plane for to fly
and then while the fires were raging
we all climbed up on the windowsill
and then we all held hands
and jumped into the sky

and every borough looked up when it heard the first blast
and then every dumb action movie was summarily surpassed
and the exodus uptown by foot and motorcar
looked more like war than anything i've seen so far
so far
so far
so fierce and ingenious
a poetic specter so far gone
that every jackass newscaster was struck dumb and stumbling
over 'oh my god' and 'this is unbelievable' and on and on
and i'll tell you what, while we're at it
you can keep the pentagon
keep the propaganda
keep each and every tv
that's been trying to convince me
to participate
in some prep school punk's plan to perpetuate retribution
perpetuate retribution
even as the blue toxic smoke of our lesson in retribution
is still hanging in the air
and there's ash on our shoes
and there's ash in our hair
and there's a fine silt on every mantle
from hell's kitchen to brooklyn
and the streets are full of stories
sudden twists and near misses
and soon every open bar is crammed to the rafters
with tales of narrowly averted disasters
and the whiskey is flowin
like never before
as all over the country
folks just shake their heads
and pour

so here's a toast to all the folks who live in palestine
afghanistan
iraq

el salvador

here's a toast to the folks living on the pine ridge reservation
under the stone cold gaze of mt. rushmore

here's a toast to all those nurses and doctors
who daily provide women with a choice
who stand down a threat the size of oklahoma city
just to listen to a young woman's voice

here's a toast to all the folks on death row right now
awaiting the executioner's guillotine
who are shackled there with dread and can only escape into their heads
to find peace in the form of a dream

cuz take away our playstations
and we are a third world nation
under the thumb of some blue blood royal son
who stole the oval office and that phony election
i mean
it don't take a weatherman
to look around and see the weather
jeb said he'd deliver florida, folks
and boy did he ever

and we hold these truths to be self evident:
#1 george w. bush is not president
#2 america is not a true democracy
#3 the media is not fooling me
cuz i am a poem heeding hyper-distillation
i've got no room for a lie so verbose
i'm looking out over my whole human family
and i'm raising my glass in a toast

here's to our last drink of fossil fuels
let us vow to get off of this sauce
shoo away the swarms of commuter planes
and find that train ticket we lost
cuz once upon a time the line followed the river
and peeked into all the backyards
and the laundry was waving
the graffiti was teasing us
from brick walls and bridges
we were rolling over ridges
through valleys
under stars
i dream of touring like duke ellington
in my own railroad car
i dream of waiting on the tall blonde wooden benches
in a grand station aglow with grace
and then standing out on the platform
and feeling the air on my face

give back the night its distant whistle
give the darkness back its soul
give the big oil companies the finger finally
and relearn how to rock-n-roll
yes, the lessons are all around us and a change is waiting there
so it's time to pick through the rubble, clean the streets
and clear the air
get our government to pull its big dick out of the sand
of someone else's desert
put it back in its pants
and quit the hypocritical chants of
freedom forever

cuz when one lone phone rang
in two thousand and one
at ten after nine
on nine one one
which is the number we all called
when that lone phone rang right off the wall
right off our desk and down the long hall
down the long stairs
in a building so tall
that the whole world turned
just to watch it fall

and while we're at it
remember the first time around?
the bomb?
the ryder truck?
the parking garage?
the princess that didn't even feel the pea?
remember joking around in our apartment on avenue D?

can you imagine how many paper coffee cups would have to change their design
following a fantastical reversal of the new york skyline?!

it was a joke, of course
it was a joke
at the time
and that was just a few years ago
so let the record show
that the FBI was all over that case
that the plot was obvious and in everybody's face
and scoping that scene
religiously
the CIA
or is it KGB?
committing countless crimes against humanity
with this kind of eventuality
as its excuse
for abuse after expensive abuse
and it didn't have a clue
look, another window to see through
way up here
on the 104th floor
look
another key
another door
10% literal
90% metaphor
3000 some poems disguised as people
on an almost too perfect day
should be more than pawns
in some asshole's passion play
so now it's your job
and it's my job
to make it that way
to make sure they didn't die in vain
sshhhhhh....
baby listen
hear the train?

© 2001 ani difranco / righteous babe music

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Posted: Jan 19, 2006 6:10pm
Dec 8, 2005
~Sweet Is The Wind~

Sweet is the wind that blows me to you,

Soft is the kiss that lets me touch you,

Strong is the passion that makes me want you,

Weak are my knees, I am falling for you.



2005 By Christina B.
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Posted: Dec 8, 2005 12:13pm
Dec 8, 2005
~Inside My Skin~
Small phrases


Inside my Skin
A river rushes forth,
wildly washing away,
the vacant shores of my heart.

Within mine eyes,
I view the canvas of my body,
I see the pulse,
throbbing beneath the surface,
Of my tender, vulnerable skin.

Echoing among the halls,
Of my sometimes emptied soul,
There twists and turns,
A crackling fire of thorns.
My spirit bleeds and aches with dark thoughts of you.

© 2002 Christina Brown


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Posted: Dec 8, 2005 2:26am
Dec 8, 2005
A song I wrote 3yrs ago and performed a few times.  Thought I would share it with you since I feel like this sometimes, and think it could help others.  This was the first of my writings I ever copyrighted, and it cost me around $475 to do, but it is worth it because I can now share it with all of you!
...
What Is It Like Not Wanting More?

I fought too long for a better place,
That even I could not see.
Now here I stand battered and broken,
Finding it hard to believe.

That I could make it all by myself,
with no one around to depend on.
That if I tried, I could really live a good life,
If I could just let go.

What is it like not wanting more?
What is it like to live freely?

Nothing eating you,
No one beating you,
Nothing keeping you down.

Do you wake up and breath in deeply and love yourself?
Or do you wake up and exhale softly and wish you were someone else?
I can only dream of life's simplicities,
What is it like, what is it like to be you or me?
What is it like, what is it like to be you or me?

I have a really strong pain inside of me,
It comes from years of heartache,
From living in the darkest places,
From seeing hatred everywhere.

Turn off your tv, turn off the war, turn off the devil inside me,
Lay down your guns, lift up your spirits,
Tear down this hell you brought me too.
Deliver me, ...deliver me,
I am tired of this pain, its tearing me apart.

What is it like not wanting more?
What is it like to live freely?

Nothing eating you,
No one beating you,
Nothing keeping you down.

Do you wake up and breath in deeply and love yourself?
Or do you wake up and exhale softly and wish you were someone else?
I can only dream of life's simplicities,
What is it like, what is it like to be you or me?
What is it like, what is it like to be you or me?


© 2002 Christina Brown
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Posted: Dec 8, 2005 2:01am
Nov 28, 2005
One of my favorites from one of my favorite poets of all time, Robert Frost.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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Posted: Nov 28, 2005 11:42pm
Nov 28, 2005
The Evidence of War

Evident in the sky,
black clouds,
fires churning,
tracers racing,
clouds of thunder,
exploding,
day or night.

Evident in the eyes,
wearily drooping,
tears streaming,
blood staining,
dust scratching,
cutting,
with each blink.

Evident in the air,
scents of singed hair,
burning flesh,
sulfurous wisps of smoke,
evoking scorching gasps,
choking,
with each breath.

Evident in the sound,
children crying,
women wailing,
men weeping,
screaming...at the hell,
wondering,
when will it end.

Evidence of war,
painful feelings,
opinions clashing,
families begging,
hoping for closure,
imagining,
what could or could not be of precious lives.


© 2004 Christina Brown
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Posted: Nov 28, 2005 11:24pm

 

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Christina X.
, 1, 3 children
Minneapolis, MN, USA
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