Jan 8, 2006
OKAY peoples...I don't know about you, but my husband DOES a lot of these things...so please don't think I am just man-bashing for the hell of it...this is truly funny and has more than a kernel of reality in it! I mean - MEN! Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em...
How to Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair and make a shampoo Mohawk.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
Have a great day – and - woo-woo !
Jan 8, 2006 2:43pm
Dec 17, 2005
We have all had bad dates....but this one takes the
cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be
single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with
Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the
most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale
took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite
cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the
mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day
trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all,
and truly had never met before. The outing was fun
but relatively uneventful until they were headed
home late that afternoon. They were driving back
down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra
latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere
with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her
companion suggested she try to hold it, which she
did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the
heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where
she told him that he had better stop and let her pee
in the road, or it would be the in the front seat of
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the
car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep
snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her
butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching
for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and
refrained from peeking. All she could think about
was the relief she felt despite the rather
embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of
another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants,
the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly
glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues
frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as
she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy
metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand
new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor
of the moment, she answered her date's concerns
about "what is taking so long" with a reply that
indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need
of some assistance!"
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself
with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly
into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got
the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as
hysterical as the situation was, they also were
faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take
something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the
grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the
predicament in the first place, both quickly
realized that there was only one way to get her
free. So, as she looked the other way, her
first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee
her butt off of the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the
Tonight Show prize hands down...or perhaps that
should be "pants down". .And you thought your
first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's
comment..."This gives a whole new meaning to being
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