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Nov 20, 2007
and it's not just the snow and winds....there's winter in my heart.
I still feel terrible, but at least I don't miss him as much. I just miss having someone with me. Maybe my biggest lesson from this breakup is to learn how to enjoy life, even when I'm alone.
but what can be enjoyable in studying around the clock? all I do is study, eat and sleep..
Its the last year and I am so fed up with school...it's my 8th year in the academy, and I just want it to finish already.
it's my last christmass, and I'm not even excited...
oh well...back to study I guess....

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Posted: Nov 20, 2007 10:18pm
Oct 5, 2007
it's been 2 weeks already...and I still feel like shit...
I'm saying I don't want him back but I keep waking up and running to the computer, waiting for the email to say - sorry, I was wrong...
it's not going to happen. it never will.
I feel like there's a hugh hole in my life, like nothing really matters any more...what's the point in anything?all I do is sleep and try to study, but the mind keeps wandering off...
I know it's for the best, I know it will get easier, I know I deserve someone so much better than him...so why do I keep feeling so down?
how come I'm still missing him?
been trying to take each day at a time, but each day seems like a biger torture than the last...
I only wish for this time to pass, and for my heart to finally heal...
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Posted: Oct 5, 2007 10:35pm
Sep 24, 2007
had our ups and downs during the summer but he waited for me to go back to kosice to tell me it's over.and 2 days beore an exam.
I hate him at the moment. he did nothing in the past 2 months to save this relationship, more over, he just didn't care.
people keep telling me I'm better off, that he wasn't treating me the way a partner should, that I deserve someone so much better than him...but I still love him. and it hurts like hell...
why do we keep doing that to ourselves? what's the point in falling in love if every time someone breaks your heart?
and the worst thing is that I would have taken him back if he wanted to...I just love him so much, maybe even too much...
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Posted: Sep 24, 2007 1:59am
May 18, 2007
but it has been a long time...
more than 5 months has passed since I met my soul mate, and life keeps getting better...it's hard being in a long term relationship, but it's worth it...In less than 3 weeks I'm going home for my summer break and I can hardly wait...3 months of being with him...after seeing him in total only 2 months out o the whole 5 of "us", it's a lot...
what can I tell you guys...it's really different than any other relationship I ever had...and I am really happy. I feel like I finally found my spot.
enjoy the weekend
Tally
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Posted: May 18, 2007 9:46pm
Dec 17, 2006
I've met someone....an israeli. And he changed my world upside down...
I never thought I am the kinda person for a long term relationship...since you guys read the past msgs you know what I've been through and how much pain and agony was in my heart.
And now...now I finally realize what love is, and how everything I had so far doesn't even compare to that...I just have this feeling inside saying he is the one...
And I know it's a bit wierd, we are in a wierd situation...he is in IL and I am still here. we haven't met yet. we sit and talk for hours with the cam open (thank you skype).
I'm going home in about 3 weeks for winter break, and I have mixed amotions about that. I am dying to see him already and to finally be able to feel and smell and touch the person I'm falling for. But I'm also afraid to fall back down coz my expectations are aiming high. I know he feels the same. But what else can we do? nothing but wait for my return...
He makes me smile all day long, and I even found out I've lost my bad temper...no longer I become angry about everything that doesn't go my way...I am a lot calmer, more accepting and living with myself in harmony.
I had a friend here who told me that the first time she saw her fiance she knew he is the one she will marry. I used to laugh at that. how can you know such a thing? now I understand. I understand because I can feel it.
that's all for now....sure hope you guys are happy for me....it's a great b day present...lol...
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Posted: Dec 17, 2006 12:43pm
Nov 24, 2006
But I've been busy...finished the exams of last semester about a month and a half ago, and I'm already doing exams of this semester!!!
Being away puts everything in proportion...but still it is a sad world to wake up each morning and not to see a smile next to me...
I wish I could have told you that my life is great, cotton candy sweet...but it isn't.
I am counting the days to pass untill this degree will finish and I will be finally back to my country, with my friends and family.
and there's still a year and a half ahead of me...
sorry I sound a bit low, it's the pre birthday depresion...it's the hardest day of the year to be alone in...
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Posted: Nov 24, 2006 10:54am
Aug 26, 2006
And now everything is different...I had a terrible summer, being bombed around the clock (IL)
And I didn't even see him. there was no point. we talked twice. I told him that if nothing has changed than he has wasted 6 months of my life already and there's no point in letting him continue doing that.
So I'm back here in Kosice...a month before the semester starts...have 3 more exams from the 2nd year to finish...
I know I'm in the right way, I know everything will b better from now on, but I still feel a bit sad being here all alone, doing nothing but studying...
oh well, in about 20 days all the people will come again and it will be all better.
enjoy the weekend!
Tally
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Posted: Aug 26, 2006 12:32am
May 28, 2006
sent him an sms...saying I know it doesn't matter but I miss u, and that I don't expect a reply. the thing is I did. and he didn't reply. so now I'm the stupid girl even trying, and he is the ignoring guy...
when will this turture end? when will I stop trying?
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Posted: May 28, 2006 9:31pm
May 27, 2006
just a sad girl over here, in a rainy grey city,  looking for someone to give her a big hug and tell her everything will be ok...
I know I deserve better. I know I am a good person, following my dreams which is more than I can say about some people, and I know I will find someone one day that will be equal to me and not somewhere lower, and he will lift me up instead of pulling me down like this one did.
I know it all. but at the moment it feels so lonely, like there's no one in this world besides him. I know I have to snap out of it...but I guess it takes longer time to heal than I've expected...
I just want the next 2 years to fast forward, and to start living my life. not to study any more, not to live in a country I can't speak her language, not to be away from all my friends and family...
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Posted: May 27, 2006 10:54pm
May 26, 2006
I do. We are not talking. I'm not calling, niether is he. a week of silence. On one hand I know it's for the best, gives me the chance to heal and no I am not counting on a joyful summer as I did a week ago...I doubt if I'll see him at all during my stay in IL..his actions shows very clearly that he deleted me from his life. painful to say but I was just a refill, something to be there for him not feeling so bad about the breakup and now he is ok and I was thrown away...
And it hurts. it hurts to realize it was all a lie to him, that I am in love with someone who doesn't love me back, who want nothing to do with me for now...and for now I mean the next 2 years I still have here in Slovakia.
I don't blame him. I really don't. but I am angry for his game with me...and he played with my heart for 4 months...tore it to little pieces and moved on...
I am at the point of accepting, of realizing it's now all me again...and it's a good thing for me, since I have to continue with m life...but I see no point in waking up every morning, no point in even living...I just wanna die...
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Posted: May 26, 2006 9:34pm

 

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Tally Hadash
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Ramat Yishay, IL, Israel
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