Posted on Thursday, July 29, 2004. From entries in the 2003 Danville Community Encyclopedia, transcribed by Anna Callahan from interviews with seventy-eight residents of Danville, Illinois. Contributors were asked to share knowledge on a topic of their own choosing. Originally from Harper's Magazine, February 2004.
People, Real VS. Phony
You’ve got real people and phony people, okay. A phony person cannot be with a real person because a real person is a real person and would not be around a phony person whatsoever. And a phony person is always trying to find a way to be around that real person, because they don’t want it to be known that they’re phony. But whenever you see something that is not real and you say, “This is just a bunch of crap.” That’s what it is, because it’s phony, it’s not real. You’ve got BS and you’ve got real, okay. BS can’t be with Real S because Real S ain’t going to be with BS, and BS cannot get with Real S because Real S would not be around BS.
What I used to do all the time is buy Bob Ross books, because he really explains really well, like, how to paint and everything. My first painting—I did an island and he taught you how to do palm trees, and like it was just so easy just to read it and do it. I personally had never seen a palm tree before, a real one, so I had no idea what they looked like.
Despite my puter-headaches, I've managed to get some smileys done (it's an addiction, I need help) A Care2 member recently asked for a Blue Ribbon theme (in support of children) and so I thought that those pesky little smileys should have ribbons too. (A theme is the background of the members profile pages and groups - for instance, the theme/background in this blog entry is made by Eles - the Care2 Themenator (you will find it under UserTheme: ElesK39 - it depicts "white light" which washes away all evil and lits good thoughts all over the page) But I digress.. Back to the smileys: Here are some of them (without explanation):
As some of you know, my computer is kaputt. It's a Dell computer. And I've waited a week now to get it fixed, to no prevail. I hate Dell. So today, on my loaner-puter, I recieved the AAAmaZine via e-mail (a newsletter I subscribe to - Amazing Facts etc) Judge to my tickled pinkishness when the editor of AAAmaZine had wrote an article about how he hates Dell (!) It mimicks my experiences to a dot, especially the bogus "test software" (have run it 4 times myself - every time it tells me "pass" - meaning no problems were found - and I can't even get the darn thing to start, even though I (loh&behold!) got a hardware engineer come out and change just about every solid part in my computer... Following is mr Floyd Maxwell's article. You will be able to see it at his webpage here: http://www.just-think-it.com/mydell.htm If you would like to subscribe to AAAmaZine, just send an e-mail with your e-mail address and the subject "subscribe" to: AAAmaZine: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
My Dell sucks, does your Dell suck too?
I've computed for 22 years and owned 14 or 15 personal computers with my last 5 computers being big name brands -- an IMB laptop, Compaq desktop, HP UWXGA laptop, Dell desktop and now an HP desktop.
The most reliable of these was the IBM (now Lenovo) laptop, that continues to work after 6 or 7 years of 100% reliable service.
The Compaq and HP desktops are new units but have worked perfectly.
The HP UWXGA laptop has performed heroically in a brutal "100% utilization" environment, with just an AC power adaptor failure (no doubt due to the maximum power drain of a 3.2gHz loaded machine running flat out for months at a time).
Which brings me to my Dell.
Have I mentioned that my Dell sucks? Well it does. In fact it always has.
But there is something worse than owning a Dell that sucks. Dealing with Dell support.
My first Dell issue happened within hours of turning it on. Some application, that I have yet to isolate, insists on trying to load (twice a day) a non-existent file called "Timer.txt". It also loads every time I reboot my Dell. I've never seen this weirdness on any other computer I've owned or worked on. A full search of my Dell's hard drive did not find any occurrences of "timer.txt" inside a program file and this issue continues to this day (almost one year!)
Ok, so what you say. Me too. In fact I simply created "c:\documents and settings\floyd\timer.txt" (i.e. the file it was unsuccessfully trying to load) and so when my computer starts up it loads an empty timer.txt into Notepad. Since I run with 2 Notepad sessions at all times this became just a way to load notepad on startup, i.e. no big deal. But sucky just the same.
My second Dell issue concerns the USB ports. 5 USB 2 ports on the back and 2 on the front, and I normally use most of them -- (1) USB hub for wireless keyboard, (2) USB mouse, (3) USB wireless LAN, (4) USB 3-speakers system, (5) external USB DVD+RW drive (as Dell wanted too much for the internal one, so I went for internal DVD-ROM), and (6) USB hard drive.
My USB problem is that some of these USB devices disconnect or hiccup. If I plug a 7th device (D'zign DV-5 camera) and try to copy files from it, it will disconnect ALL of my other USB devices. The DV-5 works fine on my HP computers. The hiccup comes when I try to dub video files. If the files are larger than about 150MB, the process may fail. A third USB issue happens when I connect an Optorite 4GB hard drive USB "key" drive -- as I transfer files the drive will get disconnected about every 100MB or so of files transferred.
Once again I worked around these problems, using my other computers to transfer camera files, reconnecting the Optorite drive (again and again) to finish the file transfers and finding other ways to dub files.
My third Dell issue is a show stopper. The hard drive is failing. No big deal normally. Call support, tell them the hard drive is failing. They send a Dell technician who replaces drive. Problem solved. NOT!
First the symptoms. When a hard drive starts to fail (is that bad?), modern operating systems like XP (or for example Novell Netware) will try to work around the situation by retrying failed reads or writes. The problem is that hard drive failure is so serious an issue that operating systems will understandably make it priority number one and other programs/operations will suffer performance problems or worse (or even worse).
Computers normally do a good job of faking "multi tasking" but NMI (non-maskable interrupts) rain on that parade. In short, the system starts to behave very badly when the hard drive starts to fail with one of the most obvious symptoms being that audio playback gets corrupted. Instead of a nice crisp clear "ding" or the soothing tones from your media player, you get the sounds of a 1950s Hallicrafter short wave radio on a rainy night.
I worked around the sound corruption issue by moving my audio files to an external USB hard drive. Not a mission critical problem, but certainly enough to alert someone with my level of experience that the hard drive was soon to be toast.
The workarounds get messy
Other symptoms when a hard drive starts to fail are more serious and harder to work around. For example, virtual memory swaps start to fail -- your system pops up a message saying it failed writing to your hard drive and the event gets logged by Windows. If you subsequently load up the Event Viewer you can see each and every failure event as a bright red "stop sign" icon. I soon had about eight hundred of these.
I worked around the virtual memory errors by disabling virtual memory. I had 1 gigabyte of RAM so I could afford to do this. The average user has 256 to 512MB of RAM and could not do this without creating other problems.
The third issue got me calling Dell, as I mentioned, and then the REAL problems began. The incompetent foreign workers pretending to be Dell support people actually challenged me when I told them I saw all those red stop signs in Microsoft's Event Viewer. They challenged me as to why I was even loading that program. I said, "Ah, because I know what I'm doing."
They then asked me to reboot the computer and do a boot up integrity test. A trivial affair, this simply checked that the hard drive was basically ok. It did not involve checking every single byte of the disk and naturally it didn't find the failed hard drive sectors. Manually running chkdsk.exe fixed "one or more problems". Super duper but I thought the drive was fine...
Thank you for calling Dell support
The support session lasted several hours and was completely futile. I dealt with first level support people and their supervisor "Steve". Who got upset when I called his staff incompetent. He even tried to claim that I had said some inappropriate words. I asked him which words. He mentioned the "incompetent" word and informed me that since all calls were logged this could get his people in trouble. I said "Yes it could. And they are."
After this completely useless support attempt, I decided it was easier to put up with my Dell suckage issues than to talk to Dell "support". Two months go by.
Late December, 2005, and my telephone rings. A Dell sales rep. asking me if I want to renew my Dell "support" that expires in 2 weeks. I say, "No, but I want to register a complaint". He gives me the number to call and I complain. Then I foolishly try to go through the Dell "support" system again.
Mel Gibson he ain't
This time the supervisor's name is Maverick. Eye roll. After they suggest the usual useless things, I try a new approach. I ask them what they would do if I was an 85 year old pensioner whose computer "wasn't working". Wouldn't they just send a technician? Short answer, no. They wanted to do that trivial start up test again and I refused. Then they informed me there was a way to actually test each byte of the drive. I try the new test.
Reboot computer, press a key, get the diagnostic menu and run tests. Everything tests A-OK. Fantastic! (Except things aren't ok, of course). The phone call and tests have wasted another 3 hours of my life.
They promise to phone back when the test is done and end up phoning back half way through. I tell them how far I am in the tests and they say they will have to phone back again. They never do.
Lies, Darn Lies, and Dell Test Results
Suspecting more bogus "test" software, I decide to exam the testing parameters. This turns out to be an ordeal in itself. The software presents a Windows like appearance but informs you that your mouse is disabled at the start of the test. There is no obvious way to do anything but run tests. Nor any obvious way of viewing parameters or altering them.
I find a way.
Various bizarre combinations of ALT, SPACE, TAB and ENTER keys lead me to the test parameter screen. As I suspected, the test default is to ignore all "soft" errors. Oh the sweet subtlety of that word.
Dell, putting the soft in software support
A "soft" error is an error that the operating system traps and tries to fix itself. In short, the HARDware failing can generate a SOFT error that you the stupid little piece of crap user will NOT be told about. Your sucky Dell will lie to you.
Because if it didn't it could cost Dell money.
I set the tests to their proper settings and run them again, and this time both my wife and I notice the change in sounds as the system retries numerous areas of the hard drive. Those retries being for "soft" errors. Errors that are making my computer unstable and sucky.
Astonishingly, at the end of this latest battery of tests, the Dell system diagnostics do NOT report these soft errors. Once again it briefly announces "Test OK".
I've uploaded the photos from Care2 at the Green Festival 2005. Check them out here: http://www.care2.com/c2c/photos/view/482962969/Green_Festival_2005/ (Looks like you need to copy-and-paste the URL into your browser window to see the album) Judging by the photos I think it's safe to say 1) Marcel is the hardest working man in showbiz and 2) We have the prettiest girls of all green orgs If you're in San Francisco -Come by and visit - the festival lasts the whole weekend! /Milly.
The weekend is coming and we all know what that means in Care2... Time to bring out the popcorn! If you plan on carving a pumpkin this weekend, consider entering it to our Pumpkin Competition in the SciFi Group: http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/sci_fi_fan Extra points if you carve it with a lightsaber.
Of all awards I've ever recieved, this is the one I am most proud of. Why? Because it was given to me by the Care2 members - and the Care2 members are the best bunch of people you'll ever find, that's why Visit Panther's Paw Awards Group <<
I dearly wish I had a Panther animation to share, but I don't (<<note to self) Perhaps a pair of laughing hyenas?
Thank You for making an old toonist shed a happy-tear /Milly.
<--there's something disturbing with those two together.. I wanted to check if you could simply drag-and-drop smileys/emoticons from the MillBar and it seems you can! Just open up the MillBar in a separate window and drag the smiley from the MillBar into your Blog entry text-area. Easy-peasy!
Oh, download it HERE. (You need to have pop-up windows abled) (Pardon my shameless plug) Oh, check out EmotiBlog5 (coming soon to a browser near you) I'll be revealing the BIG SECRET surrounding the missing *austin2* emoti.. Stay tooned. /Milly.
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