START A PETITION 27,000,000 members: the world's largest community for good
Nov 16, 2006
Focus: Consumer Rights
Action Request: Boycott
Location: United States
Visibility: Everyone
Tags: , , , ,
Posted: Nov 16, 2006 4:19am
Nov 16, 2006
McDonald's Paves The Way For Future Psychopaths
Presented by Matt on 04/06/00

You know, I thought the point of programs and media aimed towards little kids was to help mold them into sane, normal, good-willed members of society. Not raving lunatics. McDonalds feels differently. They hope to warp our nation's youth with visions of the most ridiculous, evil sons'a'bitches you've ever seen. Understanding the characters of McDonalds fame was a nigh-impossibility. They were too fucking odd.

Take Ronald McDonald, for example. The leader. The big cheese. Now, my parents used to yell at me while I was in high school cuz I dressed a little freaky. With a role model like that, how can I be blamed? Ronald was free to roam about society in a fucking clown suit. My parents would buy me happy meals and Ronald McDonald pillow cases. I thought I was doing the right thing. Ronald is teaching the children of this nation to dress like clowns. Kids aren't dyeing their hair pillarbox red and wearing giant red boots because of Marlyn Manson, folks. It's all this fucking clown's fault.

Moving down the ladder, we have Birdie. Now, explain this one to me. Look at her fucking eyes! I've seen less dilation at a squat house. Birdie's obviously hooked on drugs, and her alarmingly high-pitched voice suggests a few 'whippits' on the side. At least Ronald is only telling your children to dress in a way that'll make the jocks and bullies beat them up. Birdie wants your kids to be drug addicts.

Then we have Grimace. What the fuck IS Grimace? Is it a gumdrop? Top of a dick? What?! Grimace is the most esoteric character in history. His name dictates frustration and sadness, yet he's always cheerful. I'd really hate to sit next to this guy at a funeral. He's always smiling and giggling. It'd be really embarassing. And what food was he supposed to represent? The milkshake I guess. Notice how Grimace supports one of the fattiest things on the menu, and he also happens to be the fattest guy on the cast. Yet, he's always smiling and no one seems to care that poor Grimace is *grossly* overweight. That's unhealthy. So while Ronald dresses your kids like pansies and Birdie drops some PCP in their milkshakes, Grimace will make sure they're nice and fat.

The Fry Guys. AKA the McDonalds equivalent of 'special' children. There's nothing stranger than a bunch of pom-poms on rollerskates. There's also no way to explain the significance of it in regard to french fries. Oddly, in the commercials these guys would always disguise themselves as bushes. Very convincing, considering that none of them were green. Oddly, the Fry Guys were the most normal of the whole McDonalds crew.

Next up we have the Chicken McNuggets. No fancy names. These were Chicken McNuggets. Now, understand that Ronald was friends with these guys. And Ronald was telling us all to EAT Chicken McNuggets. Yet, somehow, the 'Nuggets didn't seem to mind. There were commercials of these misguided souls jumping into pools of BBQ sauce, happily prepping themselves for their impending doom. Hidden meaning? Suicide. The McNuggets were McDonalds way of telling you...'hey, if you get dealt a bad hand...cover yourself in sweet'n'sour, pull out a shotgun, and blow your fucking head off'.

Last but not least, we have the most surreal and all-around evil of the characters...The Hamburgler. Firstly, the only thing the fuck can say is 'Robble Robble'. But really fast. Last week I got a tape recorder out and slowed it down..turns out he's actually saying 'Rob & Kill'. Awesome lesson for the kiddies. And what's with his gear? He's like an asshole version of Zorro. But instead of carving a 'Z' on your chest, he'd annoy you by running around like a raving derelict on crack, trying to steal your hamburgers. Sweet.

In closing...parents, keep an eye out on what your kids are watching. Power Rangers and pro-wrestling aren't gonna fuck them up. It's these clowns that are turning our nation's future leaders into crazed lunatics with poor outfits, misinterpreted society roles, and an all-around bad attitude.McDonalds: Beware.

- Matt
Visibility: Everyone
Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted: Nov 16, 2006 3:55am
Nov 9, 2005

25 Reasons Why McDonald's is Better Than the Catholic Church

by Jason Roth

  1. The Hamburglar doesn't molest you.
  2. McDonald's doesn't ruin a perfectly good Sunday morning.
  3. Even McRibs is more appetizing than the body of Christ.
  4. If you accidentally order something you don't want, it isn't a mortal sin to abort it.
  5. The belief in the existence of Chicken McNuggets doesn't require a complete renunciation of natural law.
  6. You're occasionally allowed to visit Burger King and Wendy's without being excommunicated.
  7. Using the name of Ronald McDonald when you're angry isn't punishable by eternal damnation.
  8. You can work at McDonald's without having to give up sex.
  9. Being a McDonald's fanatic doesn't hurt your chances of being elected to political office.
  10. If you skip going to McDonald's, you don't feel guilty about it.
  11. Ray Kroc never gave up his only son to be crucified.
  12. You can reap the benefits of going to McDonald's before decomposition sets in.
  13. The Last Supper came with crucifixion. A Happy Meal comes with a free toy.
  14. No one ever beat their kids in the name of Ronald McDonald.
  15. The Mac Tonight commercials were a lot less embarrassing than the Crusades, witch hunts, torture chambers, and the refusal to accept that the Earth isn't the center of the universe.
  16. You don't become a McDonald's employee of the month for drinking bath water, using rocks as pillows, or whipping yourself.
  17. No one was ever cast out of McDonald's for eternity for eating an apple pie.
  18. Your family won't disown you if you don't take your kid to McDonald's.
  19. A drive-through intercom ain't perfect, but it's more effective than prayer.
  20. If you see pictures of people coming back from the dead, virgins giving birth, or men walking on water, it's probably just some new movie promotion.
  21. Lite-rock is sometimes less painful to listen to than organ music.
  22. McDonald's isn't subsidized by weekly tournaments for gambling addicts.
  23. McDonald's will never ask you to fast.
  24. No one ever thought nailing a human corpse to the golden arches would sell more burgers.
  25. In a burger-flipping contest, Notre Dame wouldn't stand a chance against McDonald's University.
Visibility: Everyone
Tags: , ,
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 11:33am


Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of or its affiliates.


pElAgUS hellot
, 1
Tamarindo, Costa Rica
Shares by Type:
All (1001) | Blog (255) | Alert (445) | Poll (4) | Recipe (12) | Photo (11) | Tribute (59) | Message (215)

Showing shares tagged with: mcdonalds [show all]
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\n\\r\\n“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”\\r\\n\\r\\ n \\r\\n\\r\\nSpence r Johnson\\r\\n\\r\\n  \\r\\n\\r\\nMany years ago, when I was in high school chemistry lab, I was assigned to do a litm...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle.\\r\\n\\r\\nUrge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast\\r\\nhttp://www.t hepetitionsi...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle.\\r\\n\\r\\nUrge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast\\r\\nhttp://www.t hepetitionsi...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nI have recently posted some BlogSpot radio interviews and YouTube videos, publicizing my two new books,\\r\\n1) Deepening Your Personal Relationships: Developing Emotional Intimacy and Good Communication.\\r\\n2) Psychological Healing Through Creative S...
by Ys A.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nCoretta Scott King: “We have done what we can to reveal the truth, and we now urge you as members of the media, and we call upon elected officials, and other persons of influence to do what they can to share the revelation of this case to the ...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nWe declare that no man nor nation nor race have a greater right than others to enjoy the fruits of their work, as the ecological sphere is our common condition of life http://www.beat Nous déclarons qu\\\'auc...
by Ys A.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nauthor: Ralph Nader\\r\\n\\r\\nAn epidemic of sky-rocketing medical costs has afflicted our country and grown to obscene proportions. Medical bills are bloated with waste, redundancy, profiteering, fraud and outrageous over-billing. Much is wrong with t...
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nDear Friends:\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\ n\\r\\nMy two current books have been published and are available for sale through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the publisher’s website, Hammer. Reading these books can be very helpful for anyone...
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\nA stainless steel tank the size of a basketball court lies buried in the sandy soil of southeastern Washington state, an aging remnant of U.S. efforts to win World War II. The tank holds enough radioactive waste to fill an Olympic-sized swimming poo...
by Fred H.
(0 comments  |  0 discussions )
\\r\\nThe Olympic Peninsula is home to important state-owne d forests and many of our state’s most iconic creatures. To keep these forest ecosystems healthy, WEC and our partners at Conservation Northwe st and Olympic Forest Coal...