Four months ago a very different and challenging period started for me and it started when I heard Isha Judd's interview on a radio program called Zentertainment. The day after I felt what I can only describe as strange, a little uneasy. I was inspired by her words and wanted to know more.
After surviving a horrible time four years ago I have built many tools that I use to face periods when deep emotional pain surfaces, the main tool being clearing work, simply put, I cry my guts out. There has been no real direction in this process but it has worked for me and usually after a few days I would feel better and my sleeping would return to a blissful state. When I started to feel strange this time I wasn't that concerned but this strange feeling slowly took hold and my old emotional pain returned. ( I refuse to label it in any other way, there is a real danger for labels to stick and eventually you become the diagnosis. ) .
When I learnt more about Isha I was keen to try her system and when I did my emotional pain became very pronounced and intense. I will not say it became worse here, as that implies something wrong and therefore something that needs fixing. I now know it's the pain of patterns that I needed to clear and finally let go of. If these patterns were to sit there buried like before I wouldn't have been able to clearly see them, the pain exposed them for me. That pain subsided a few weeks ago after a very emotional day. I was very distressed and anxious but after doing my clearing work a calmness came over me and a faint voice started saying the first facet of the Isha system. Praise love for this moment in it's perfection. This voice has directed and inspired me on a few occasions now.
During the day I convinced myself that this system was sending me into a spiral of deeper pain. I had given the system away before because of this and it always scared me but after a few days I seemed drawn to continue the facets. The words of Jesus helped The Narrow gate ( Matthew 7.13 ) .
I had organised with one of Isha's teachers to do a video conference and we were to do the second part of the seminar the next day but after feeling so distressed I was ready to phone the teacher and cancel. After the calmness came and I went to bed I awoke feeling wonderful and decided to do the second part of the seminar and had a beautiful session with the teacher, a person with true inner beauty. I have continued with the system and now it's part of my life as I become more and more present.
I have had some very special moments in this time, one lovely time came when I awoke one morning and for some reason felt panic arising but then some beautiful Irish music came into my head and the voice said Welcome home . Later that day when I was pushing my grandson on a swing I put words to the Irish music and now he asked for it whenever I am pushing him on the swing.
This brief account is written in an effort to help those that are experiencing the deep feelings that are surfacing and have doubts that stop them from fully committing to the Isha System. I now know that the work I have done over the last four years has helped me build strength to face my fears and take on the patterns that have held me back and now that they are clearly exposed doing the Isha system I have the opportunity to let them go and pursue a true potential. It's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and there maybe more pain but I have a process now, a ritual and a confidence and I know the pain will guide me to grow.
If anyone is interested in hearing more about this four months period contact me through my profile and I will be happy to send you the details.
The other day I saw what looked like a somebody being filmed in a city café. I couldn’t quiet recognize the somebody but that didn’t matter because I thought he must have been a somebody because of the attention he was getting. The only thing was there was a lot of nobodies walking by and they didn’t stop to look at the somebody so I thought maybe the somebody is a nobody and the film crew were deceived into thinking that he was a somebody and also could it be that amongst the nobodies there might be somebodies. This could have been the case because the somebody started looking at the nobodies but why weren’t the nobodies being filmed as well. It really got confusing when a nobody walked up to the somebody and started talking to him, the film crew then started to leave and the nobody and the somebody got up and walked amongst the rest of the nobodies. After all this I got determined in a quest to find out just what makes a somebody and what makes a nobody. So I wonder if somebody, anybody, is out there that could help me with this. Anything and everything will help but that is only if we do something about this because if we do nothing, nothing will happen.
I have come to a basic conclusion that everybody and that could be anybody is somebody even though they may think they are nobody.
Over the bustling city of St. Helens there came a thick layer of cloud that gave an atmosphere of cynicism. As evening approached there seemed to be a sense of evilness that swept through its tiny streets. In the shadows of an alley way there appeared two figures. They were sneaking their way to the main part of the city. They passed by the women that would wait on the street corners for men and then make their way with the men to some of the city’s run down buildings. As the two figures passed you could tell that they were used to these activities and didn’t take any of notice of all the other happenings that went on as they made their way along the city’s lifeless streets, lifeless because people had slowly and unknowingly became more and more out of touch with the wonders of life.
It was after passing through many alley ways and side streets that they finally came to their destination. Excitement pulsated through their veins as they went through two big doors and the bright lights, as always, made them squint. All they could think of now was the white stuff. It was what they had been thinking about all afternoon and whilst they knew they were taking a big risk the addictive quality of the white stuff was well worth every bit of risk taking.
Behind the counter of the building they had just entered was a tall blonde lady. She gave them a smile as they put money on the counter and in unison said, “Two soft cones please”. The blonde lady took their money and went about taking two cones from the special cone holder in the wall. One of them, who name was Jenar was too small to see over the counter, said to the other,” I hope she gives us a big serve like the man gave us the other day, Hegel”. Hegel didn’t answer as he watched every move the blonde lady made. Hegel was salivating now and he knew as soon as he got his soft cone or white stuff, as they both preferred to call them, he would roll out his tongue, close his eyes and drift as his senses gave their approval of the yummy flavour. Hegel and Jenar heard the word cone so many times as they were growing up and they knew it stood for the smelly stuff that their parents would smoke constantly during the day. The smell made them feel funny and they didn’t like this feeling so they preferred to call the soft ice cream, the white stuff. They both promised each other that they would never do what their parents did and that they would always be there for one another.
The streets were becoming more and more crowded as the night went on. Hegel and Jenar stayed in the building till all the ice cream had been devoured. Not a word was spoken as they both knew that the other was enjoying every lick of the creamy white stuff but after they had finished Jenar said,” I hope we can sneak in through the window without the witch hearing us “. Hegel looked at her and said, “Don’t worry Jenar you know I will always look after you no matter what”. Their parents had abandoned them last year and the only relative they had was an aunt they called the witch because it reminded them of the witch in the story of Hansel and Gretel. Her real name was Aunty Beagal and she didn’t care much about them so long as she got the welfare cheque for being their guardian.
They left the building and made their way home but their weren’t any ladies standing on the usual corner and they walked passed the alley way they should have walked down. It wasn’t long before they realized they were lost. Each street they turned down became like any other and they both became very scared. Hegel reached for Jenar and gave her a big hug. He knew, as always, when to give her his love and this always made him feel good as well.
Suddenly Jenar squealed,” I can hear someone coming”. They were in a very dark alley way now and all they could see was a large figure approaching. Hegel squeezed Jenar tightly and at that moment a car screeched around the corner. The headlights shone on the three figures and as Hegel looked up he smiled. He was looking at Jake their friendly neighbour that would let them come to his house and play with his dog, Lukey. Luckily Jake was on his way home from the clinic he started only last year. Jake was a reformed drug addict but with the help of a amazing man named Tom, Jake slowly went off drugs and helped Tom develop counseling clinics throughout the city. The clinics were based simply on the art of listening and giving unconditional love and attention. Jake realized after he recovered that Tom’s wisdom and understanding were invaluable resources and he gave his complete support to all of Tom’s efforts.
After Jake asked them why they were down this part of town he picked up Jenar and took them back to their Aunty Beagel’s house. He helped them through the window and they quickly jumped into bed. It was a tiny bed and the only other thing in the room was a wardrobe that held all their clothes and some dolls that Hegel stole for Jenar when they were walking passed a toy shop one day. He knew this was wrong but he promised himself that he would come back one day and pay for the dolls when he got enough money.
Hegel pulled the blankets over their heads and they began to giggle. Then they hugged each other and Hegel said,” I will always look after you Jenar no matter what”.
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