22,432,676 members doing good!
about our ads
share your passions, stories, inspirations, and more
Divorce Agreement
Aug 24, 2010
DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure  our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. 
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. 
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.  

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.


 
(0) | () | | send green star | flag as inappropriate
Visibility: Everyone
Tags:
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 2:01pm

 
 
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.

Author

Charley Sullivan
male, age 50, married
Louisville, KY, USA
Shares by Type:
All (1) | Message (1)
ads keep care2 free
SHARES FROM CHARLEY'S NETWORK
May
22
(1 comments  |  discussions )
Some Spanish lessons (algunas lecciones de Español)Don't worry, be happy! (No te preocupes, se feliz!)Hugs and blessings, (abrazos y bendiciones)Angeles
May
9
(1 comments  |  discussions )
R.I.P. Dear Windstar....You are no longer in pain...Wait for me my Bigstar...So we can cross over Rainbow BridgeTogether.
May
8
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Ever since I saw that horrific pic of the bricks pelting ''Windstar'' the beautiful white horse, I can't get it out of my mind. To think a group of people--or maybe it was an individual!--would actually do something like that totally blows my min...
May
5
(1 comments  |  discussions )
If you care about seeing your loved ones againRepent of your sins If you want to make it into HeavenOpen your heart and Let Jesus in!Don't be an atheist, they only do the devil's workand the devil is the opposite of God...He is DARK and CRUEL and make...
May
1
(1 comments  |  discussions )
''Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light." - Norman B. Rice
Apr
28
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Mom, this sounds like somethin' you would've said *laugh*"Good things come to those who wait, but only things left by those who hustle." - Abraham Lincoln
Apr
23
(0 comments  |  discussions )
Happy Earth Day (same tune as Happy Birthday!) Happy Earth Day to you, Happy Earth Day to me! Happy Earth Day to our Mother For without her there'd be no other! No other way breathe... No other birds in the sky, No trees growing in the groun...
Mar
28
(2 comments  |  discussions )
And on the third day, the Son of God rose from the dead to show us that He lives!!Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are fiction. Jesus is REAL yet some of us teach our children rhymes and stories about Peter Cottontail hoppin' down the bunny trail........
Mar
13
(0 comments  |  discussions )
This is some inspiration from Joel Olsteen.... TODAY’S SCRIPTURE “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in ...
Feb
17
(0 comments  |  0 discussions )
For the old days of Care2 I pinebefore the world got so "high-filutin'"Care2 was just fineBut now they have to "keep up the Jones'"Where it will end nobody noses...I just wanna go back when I could signPetitions using my real name Barb KnightInstead o...

Copyright © 2013 Care2.com, inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved