START A PETITION 25,136,189 members: the world's largest community for good
Jan 9, 2006
30 years ago I decided I wanted to be a writer, had this great vision of fame and fortune, all of it tied to one of my greatest passions, writing. I can say that I have had a few things published, nothing of importance, not one thing that makes me hold my head up. I lost my vision only a few years ago, even after Beirut I still wanted to be a writer but age and shall we say a sourness on the world has smashed my vision.

I am not writing this for any to feel sorry for me, I am writing this so that maybe this will challenge me. I am one who thrives on challenge but I wilt like a rose in the summer heat without any challenges. My wife pushes me to write and I love her for that as well as the numerous other reasons, but I am losing the passion, the inner fire to put pen to paper for others amusement.

When I wrote Chained Soul, the post on my main page, it flowed out in a matter of minutes, driven by the passion and pain. The very same pain that is masking my imagination, some tell me to write about Beirut, some say write anything just get a paycheck. When I write about Beirut it takes me days to recover from just a few memories, the destruction that men can deal upon one another is a horrbile thing to witness. My heart is torn between wanting revenge and not harming another human being as long as I live.

Days will go by and I will write and post here but I am unable to continue the real work at hand because the challenge is wrapped in mental barb wire. The memories are buried deep but yet are some of the first I reach when trying to recall anything. During the day Beirut is thousands of miles away and at night it is in my bedroom.

I am notorious for typo's and not proof reading my work, you will see it and my wife points that out as well ( one more thing I love about her, she wants me to be perfect for my own good). I love to exchange ideas and even debate on any topic, so please visit our groups, join and post whats on your mind. I will leave one warning, don't attack my family or the soldiers fighting for our frredoms, I respond poorly to these.

I look forard to meeting all of you in the forums and hearing from you, good or bad talking is the raod to healing and maybe you all can help me get back my visions and maybe I can help you with anything that burdens you.


Jan 6, 2006
Name: Becky Ayers
Type: Tribute (for the living)
To Honor: Individual(s)
Location: , United States
Becky Sundholm Ayers has done more than most women would have when faced with the difficult task of holding together a marriage in the face of combat related PTSD.
When I came home from Beirut I didnt feel any different but I was, she saw it right away. Becky never treated me differently, she cried with me, she yelled with me and she loved with me. For 22 years she has had to wake up to a stranger in her bed because the mand she married and the one I liked the best was left in Beirut.
She has worked outside the home, inside the home, raised 4 children and now helps raise two grandchildren. She sees the PTSD in the children as well but her love never waivers. For years she put up with my drinking, my mood swings, my inability to hold down a job and the worst was my inability to show love. I love this woman more than life itself but I find it hard to show. I am locked down tight inside, I feel if I let love out anger may follow it and that is the one I fear the most.
I wish I could have given her a better life, the one she deserved but all I can do now is right this for her. I want everyone to know that my wife is so very special and I do love her.
In closing I have to say, Becky you made the first 3 years fun and kept me alive for the last 22 and for that I owe you my very soul.
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Posted: Jan 6, 2006 9:45pm
Jan 6, 2006
Together we can bring home the people who suffer from PTSD and other shocj related disorders.
I am a veteran of Beirut and I dug out the living and dead from the BLT building after a bomb shattered the concrete and the lives of thousands of people. 241 men died, many thousands more lives were torn from the foundations on which they had built their lives. Now I must reach out for those who are wandering around in their on haze.
I am asking all of you out there to help me do this. Join the group ask your friends to join it, after awhile we will have gotten the word out that there are places for them, there is a port in the storm.
PLease be on the lookout for web sites relating to this topic and if you want to help let the people there no of this group.
My Marine brothers and their families are behind us in this endevour.
Today one soul is brought home, tomorrow we may prevent PSTD all together or at least get people help before it is too late.
I was told just recently that within 10 years of the event PTSD can be curable, after that it is only treatable.
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Posted: Jan 6, 2006 6:01pm
Jan 6, 2006
Forgotten Patriots


They did it all for you, they lived and died for you. These brave men went there for you and many shed their blood for you. One day I expect you to give all of us peace. I gave my life for you, everything I had, only my blood was spared in your name. We now ask that you, give us back our lives and dignity. We love you and will defend you when you call, we know that not all who invoke your name and symbols are pure at heart but without hesitation we will spill our own blood for you.

The bodies of those who gave it all for you are carried to their resting place with you cradling them, covering and proclaiming your love for their sacrifice, but we who have given only our souls receive no solace, it is you who must stand up for your patriots, forgotten and discarded like so much useless garbage.

I believe in you, I only ask that you believe in me, cradle me and protect me as I have you. No matter what your answer when I depart this earth and have been released from the prison in which I live I wish nothing more than to be cradled by you, I stand and salute you Old Glory, for all you stand for.

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Posted: Jan 6, 2006 12:35am


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Steve Ayers
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