im feeling so empty. so lost. so alone. inside im screaming. but i just lay here. there is so much i want to do. so much to accomplish. lives to change. i need to find myself. i have the music blaring to block out the steady vibration of voices downstairs speaking my fate. i want to disapear. fall apart to pieces. blow away in the wind. i want every last particle of myself to burn away in the sun. my ashes could float in the ocean before sinking beneath the wet blanekt of blue. lost in the deepest corners of the earth. im so hollow i feel like by body is going to cave in on itself. crying does nothing. i try every day. every day. but the more i walk forward the more im pushed beneath. its like the world is crushing down apon me, wishing to crumble my bones to dirt. sleep is my escape. but livivng i cant sleep forever. i miss my dreams and hopes of a beautiful tomorrow. i feel like i was just holding it in. holding back the waves in hopes of tomorrow to save me. tomorrow was always too far away. any dream to hold on to. any inkling of hope. once its here and nothing ever changes then the flood comes. all that i was holding back comeing pouring through. it was slowly seeping through my skin all along but now its exploding out. i want to dissapear. more now then ever before. and i dont even have a concreate why.
sometimes i feel like i just want to dissapear. melt away. fly into the air. i want every molecule of my body to float accross the world, feeling the cold air rush around me as i touch every corner of the earth. i want my cells to break apart to the most basic elements. i want them to find a home in every heart. i want to not have to think about this anymore. i feel like im on the edge of a cliff and any inch over, any breathe of wind, anything- could topple me over. i want to have the weight of the world a dozen times over, lifted off my back. i want to be free. i want to be part of everything good. i dont want to cry. i dont want to hurt. i just want this feeling to go away
How is it that you could be saying one thing over and over again, and no one really listens. they think your just a kid- you wouldnt know. they think that just because you are a teenager, "you think you know everything". the thing is though, is how can you say that i know less about life then you, just because you are older? i know that the things we learn are from the things we experience in life, so yes- time wise, those older have had more "memories" or more "experience". but really, i think what you know about life isnt the accumalation of experiences we go though. i think its the amount that we take from it. like i've met young people in my life, who have such imense insight of the world. theyve seen so much and they learn from it. they are able to walk away a better person and they can have more of an understanding about what that feeling or situation is like. i also know, quite a few adults, who, they too, have whitnessed many things through out their life. i mean- yeah- they have been alive longer, so they have had more memories. but some of these adults never really learn much from life. they just go with the flow. take what they are given. listen to what they are told. in comparrison i think that some of the younger people i mentioned earlier may know a little more about life then someone older then them, regardless of age. now it always varries. i know many people older then me, and they are very wise- they have learned from their life. but see, i really dont think this has very much to do with age at all. yes, of course some, but in the big view of things- a human life span is extreamly short when you compare it to the history of time, earth, evolution, and even the time period that humans have even walked this earth for. a human life can also be very long, if you compare it to the life span of an animal, plant or insect. so it all varies. but is time really what gives us knowledge and insight into our world? i think its more of what we make of the situations that happen to us, rather then the ammount of situations we have been through.
i guess a better example would be to mention like maybe a person growing up in 1st world country, middle class, educated, and did not have any extrodenary tradgadies or situations thrown at them yet. so say they are... 50. ok now, think of a child, living in a war torn country, where they were forced to fight and fend for themselves early in life. i will say they are.. 8 years old. ok, so if i asked you- who is the more insiteful, or wise, or experienced, between the two, who would u say? the 50 year old or the 8 year old. society tells us that the 50 year old would be the obvious answer. but think about this- the 8 year old had to learn how to fend from themselves in the world. they learned this at a much earlier age. so maybe they have more insite, because of how they grew up, compared to the well to do, 50 year old. i mean, it really would depend, exactly how the questioned is posed, because in the same situation, you could also say that the 50 year old is more insiteful to a certain situation, then the 8 year old. it depends on what they were being told to think about. ah, im giving myself a headache because im thinking of so many different senerios and possiblities and i cant write them all. im not even sure if what i already wrote really makes sense. sometimes its hard for me to say or write an idea that comes so easy in my head. but anyway... do u see what im trying to say? is it really how long we have been alive, the reson we understand what we do about life? is it? i think that any one of any age can be insiteful to different extremities, regardless of age. i think the people that have the nerve to say that they know more then someone because they are older, or dismiss someone's opinion because they are younger, really are the people who could be learning more in life. they arent very insiteful or knowledgable about the world if they are so nieve to think that age is the soul contributing factor to wisdom.
idk.. if anyone reads this let me know what ur thoughts are. this is the first blog ive ever posted on here, and i wasnt planning to, i just kinda wrote one of the first thoughts in my mind.
Trust has always been
something very important
to me in any
relationship. Be it
relative, professional or
otherwise, I need to have
trust in someone to have
a decent relationship
with them. However, I
continue to find that