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Sep 11, 2009

 

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

 

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

 

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

 

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

 

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

 

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

 

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

 

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

 

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

 

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

 

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

 

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

 

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

 

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

 

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

 

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

 

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

 

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

 

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

 

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

 

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

 

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

 

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

 

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

 

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

 

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

 

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

 

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

 

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

 

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

 

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

 

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

 

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

 

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

 

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

 

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

 

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

 

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

 

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

 

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

 

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

 

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

 

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

 

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

 

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

 

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

 

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

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Posted: Sep 11, 2009 3:10pm

 

 
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.

Author

Suzanne B.
, 3, 3 children
Parkville, MD, USA
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Feb
18
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\\r\\nCOME TO: \\r\\nTucson\\\' s 32nd Annual Peace Fair and Music Festival2014 Theme: Climate JusticeThis FREE event is Arizona\\\'s largest gathering of Peace, Justice, and Environmental groups, with Live Music, Tables, Food, Entertainment, Children\\\'s ...
Feb
15
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New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle.\\r\\n\\r\\nUrge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast\\r\\nhttp://www.t hepetitionsi...
Feb
13
by Resa G.
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http://changekansas.org/a ction/petition/stand-agai nst-legalized-discriminat ion
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New Petition! Speak out against Time-Warner Merger with Comcast! Let your opinion be know before your bill goes up and your programming choices dwindle.\\r\\n\\r\\nUrge DOJ and FCC to Not Allow Merger of Time-Warner and Comcast\\r\\nhttp://www.t hepetitionsi...
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Please sign this petition asking shelters to open before temperatures hit life-threatening levels: http://www.thepetitionsit e.co
Feb
12
by Just C.
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 \\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\nW hy this is important\\r\\nAs a community comprised of members actively using the tools provided by this site to accomplish needed improvements to various aspects of all life (animal, human, environmental), we, the undersigned, are her...
Feb
4
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YOU ARE INVITED TO ATTEND IN PERSON, TUNE IN ON TV, OR WATCH ONLINE:\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n \\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\ \r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\ r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r \\n\\r\\n\\r\\nFriday,&nb sp;\\r\\nFebruary \\ r\\n\\r\\n \\r\\n7\\ r\\n, 2014\\r\\n To watch the TV series: World Harmon...
Feb
2
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\\n\\r\\n\\r\\nFebruary 1st-2nd is a Midwinter Festival, known to Neopagans and ancient Celts as Imbolc (Gaelic origin, \\\"in milk\\\" or \\\" in the belly\\\"), a festival of the Maiden Goddess and a traditional time to bless agricultural implements (especially ...
Jan
25
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\\n\\r\\n\\r\\nPlease keep this going around the world ... please pass this letter to the world!\\r\\n2014-01-18&nb sp;ABC Media\\r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\n\\ r\\n\\r\\n\\r\\nPlease keep list going around the world .... hit forward\\r\\nPlease pass this letter to the world\\r\\n\\r\\nDen...
Jan
23
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\\nZen Whisperingtree has been suspended from Care2, in my opinion unjustly, for criticizing the Support staff.  Although her profile page has been deleted/blocked, her sharebook is so far still available at http://www.care2.com/c2c/ share/shareboo...