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Oct 14, 2009

     "I the communicant communicate these commutative words to you as we are in community together in a communicable manner." How's that for an introduction? A saying I once heard about public speaking was, "There are two ways to speak. One is to 'impress' and the other is to 'express.' Surely an opening line like this has to 'impress,' doesn't it?

     Yet my purpose is to 'express.' When I looked up the definition of the word 'communicate' I discovered one source of the word came from Latin language; past participle of communicare to impart, share. It's easier to understand communication with keeping in mind that that words imparted are sharing if one honestly sought after decent communication.
     Communication on the Internet has left me feeling that the 'impress' and 'express' of imparting of what is intended to be shared could use some clarity to take it out of the combat zone. Life on all levels has displayed more division than coming together for sharing in our society.
     I went to a workshop on "Male-Female Communication." It was interesting even though at times I thought it could've been the start of 'World War III. One part focused on 'Sexual Discrimination' which mainly showed males as the main problem. Of course I have to add this was at the Woman's Center at the college and males were allowed to participate. I had been asking questions so when this came up I asked, "How come only men discriminate? A woman can use sex in getting what she wants and that isn't considered?" Across from me a large woman with a small husband setting next to her, shot out in a mean sounding voice, "You're sick!" Now I do know right from wrong because it would have been wrong of me to get down on my knees, look up and say, "Thank God, I'm not him," while I looked in their direction. That would've been the wrong thing to share even though it took a lot not to impart that. 
     I must add that I grew up with a mother who complained constantly. She 'impressed' me as if she was making herself look right by making everybody else look wrong. This is a very touchy area in communication or sharing as all any of us that were exposed to this could do is feel sorry for her. I must add I watched my own father lose his will to live, which I believe carries over in all communication. Instead of sharing control and manipulation destroyed any chance of that. The main problem is that when there is nothing to share, control and manipulation insecurely fill the void. 
     I have more to add to this subject but for now 'communication' is 'sharing.' I will share more about this in the future.
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Posted: Oct 14, 2009 9:18pm
Jul 3, 2009


The words to the song on the radio were clear enough in sound but didn't resonate very well in my mind. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, Independence Day for the United States. People wave their flags and the male singer emits the words, “I'm proud to be an American.” Add to that claims of living in the land of the free are put out like a hypnotic message as some tell it's better then living in other countries; then proceed to tell of all the wrongs of other countries in order to make themselves look right. Can you imagine what I feel when I'm told I'm unpatriotic when I don't join in this phony pride brigade.

We're a country of ridiculous failures in getting along with one another, living in denial of our cowardly style of life. We do not know how to relate or be in relationships decently enough to commit to one another because we fear giving up the 'me' to join honestly in becoming 'we.' “Find the love of your life,” ads sell our minds into thinking we can buy situations like they're objects that'll make us happy when reality is happiness is an inside issue with us.

We start wars with only fear causing accusations that the majority buy into yet we do not have even the slightest clue about how to achieve 'peace.' This dysfunctional mob mentality is what you want me to hypocritically sing along with goes totally against every fiber of my being.

There are those that tell me they love the United States. Oh really, I wonder every time I hear this. How can this be love when I see the following of representatives that control and manipulate using deceit and deception. But of course don't the majority that make up our society control and manipulate using deceit and deception, whether intentionally or unintentionally? Is that love and if it is wouldn't it be an idea for society to examine the issue about what's love?

My own definition of love is to become the best me I can be and then share that me in a responsible and accountable manner. It is a choice I make in my own individual mind so that requires me to learn to use my own mind instead of letting my mind and the minds of others use me. More important than love is trust and respect. Trust and respect are earned from one another as well of individuals earn their own trust and respect. Self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence are a must for love in order for individuals to be independent so they can become inter-dependent. Sharing demands of us to have and be a person that both is and has something to share such as self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence. Do we have people in the United States that honestly know how to love and if not what's it take to change society's mindset to learn to love? Surely there has to be enough people in the US that have had enough of what's happened in our country that instead of finger pointing they look in the mirror and start from there. Maybe that way the United States could look forward to real independent people truly celebrating Independence Day. 

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Posted: Jul 3, 2009 10:41pm
Sep 20, 2008


"One of the best ways to win any game is to write the rules."

Michael S. Malone


    Whatever happened to just playing the games for the fun of it? But then of course possibly Michael Malone could've been psychic and had visions of the Bush administration when he wrote this. If I hadn't had so many in my life that use the same tactics he uses I wouldn't comment on this line. From the invasion of Iraq to our disastrous economy his behavior pattern is always the same. With Iraq accusations of WMD were all it took to rally the people to go to war. Just a verbal creating of a crisis swayed minds to winning of this administration's games. That wouldn't be to bad if that's all there was but it's non-stop without a single person seeing through the game playing.

    Probably the most recent chain of events before the economy made front page news was Russia going into Georgia. The US along with France, Germany and Israel had been training plus arming Georgians since 2003, the year Iraq was invaded. We're told first told that the training of their troops is for peace keeping missions in Iraq. Ya right and the pope is training to become an atheist. Even so what are France, Germany and Israel doing training Georgian troops for Iraq for when they don't have a damn thing to do with Iraq? Okay so that lie didn't work and there's a pipe line that by-passes Russia we've been putting money into along with these other countries. A pipeline, you've got to be kidding!!!!!!! What in the hell are we doing spending money on arms and troop training in Georgia which probably has the motive of the pipe line in the game winning plan all along.

    Get serious because at the same time we're told that we've got to become energy independent. The energy independent part is used as the motive of getting the off shore oil bill through like it's real urgent. It's creating a crisis to get it done fast. How's that for changing the rules to win, but it gets better as I'll just include a little more.

    Rice who I think has a serious problem with PMS said in one news atritcle, “We will resist any Russian attempt to consign 'sovereign' nations and free peoples to some archaic 'sphere of influence.'” Take note of the word 'sovereign' and think about the US invading Iraq. Of course the rules change when the US invades 'sovereign' countries, right. It's 'philosophy 101' taught by George W. I guess it's an uncredited class we're all learning real fast from.

    When it comes to 'sovereignty' here's from the news article, “Al-Maliki seems impatient with U.S. on troops.” "There can be no treaty or agreement except on the basis of Iraq's full 'sovereignty," al-Maliki told a gathering of tribal sheiks. He said such an agreement must be based on the principle that "no foreign soldier remains in Iraq after a specific deadline, not an open time frame." Include what's going on in Pakistan's news too. Headline reads, “Bush authorizes commando raids in Pakistan: report; Pakistan army chief Gen. Ashfaq Kayani said on Wednesday Pakistan would not allow foreign troops to conduct operations on its soil. "The 'sovereignty' and territorial integrity of the country will be defended at all cost and no external force is allowed to conduct operations ... inside Pakistan," a military statement quoted Kayani as saying.

    Morale of what I'm writing is there is so much obvious writing of the rules to win by government that we're all ending up losers from it. Isn't it time to hold those that represent us more responsible and accountable in paying attention to the rule writing to win game?


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Posted: Sep 20, 2008 11:08pm
Jan 24, 2008

After getting kicked out of two groups and having an equal or better amount of posts deleted I've decided to respond to this here. One group host has sent me a request to join the group leaving me wonder about what are they thinking. One who deleted my post asks where I am cause I quit posting there. Looking in on the posts of those in one group I was kicked out of only strengthens my faith in God cause surely it's hell to be around the mentalities that communicate as they do. Perhaps they hit a nerve or two in me which came from growing up with a mother who complained constantly. All any of us could do is feel sorry for her but over time that sympathy switched to feeling sorry for ourselves for having to be part of the complaining. I know I didn't understand my father's wanting to have my mother committed to an institution when he brought it up but then after he died that whack aside of the head sunk in. My mother told me he said to her he had nothing to live for. She told him he had her. That was the problem. Her complaining held us all hostage. At my father's funeral a guy come up to me and told me he wouldn't offer me any sympathy cause any man that lived as good as my father did, didn't need any sympathy. My mother died peeing and crapping in a diaper living in a county run institution true to her cause, complaining right up till the end.

Now our country and world is in deep trouble as we've been over ridden with this focus on just everything wrong with every body and everything. We choose to follow leaders who profess the most skills with the behavior and then follow up with complaining about them. It started for me with my first female relationship in this world, my mother. I had only one sister who also constantly complained. As a child I'd hear my piece of pie was bigger than hers so being a hot head I'd slide the pie over to her saying, "Here take the pie." Then walk away from the super table. She died obese and with some disease that went with obesity.

Without realizing it, I write that it's only natural that I'd subconsciously choose to marry someone that carried on with letting me know what's wrong with me.The part that really hurt about this is that before she died she wrote that it was time to make amends because she had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Is it any wonder that my first thoughts when I read this went to all the times I tried to get her to quit smoking and how worthless I felt with even trying to make sense to her. She also included how I was always so angry. I mean I made into some worthless piece of crap to others by her behavior and her complaining to others about how bad I was and I'm not suppose to be angry! What part of my logic isn't dialed into not working. She's dying of lung cancer telling me how she wished she could've lived long enough to see our grand children graduate. Surely God must've had the ultimate plan for me when it came to learning how to love cause there was no doubt in my mind this was it.

I could elaborate on this as our youngest daughter committed suicide and left behind five journals plus I have letters from her and my ex-wife from both of them right up till their deaths. My wife and I had absolutely zero trust or respect for one another and that contributed to our daughter's hopelessness of having nobody to trust or respect. Of course I'm sure these group hosts are smarter than I am and understand this when they delete my posts and kick me out of their groups so they can get back to complaining about what's wrong with everything and everybody. After all Care2 has stated their purpose for these groups is to make the world a better place to live and they're doing that for sure.

I remember setting in a restaurant once by a bunch of female waitresses who talked about the pains of child birth and just about every other problem females go through in this world. It almost seemed they were directing the conversation at me and finally I asked, "Why do you go have a sex change if you've got it so bad. I mean it just so wonderful being a male without any problems like you've got." I wondered how many of them understood I had to constantly make decisions in life that were based on what's the best for everybody in my life and not just myself like they were doing.

The strange thing is that I watched my father lose his will to live, my daughter kill her self and by own self just plain and simply give up with another from this behavior only to wonder am I the only one who feels this way. We have an elected president who has destroyed the world with starting a war with this behavior and now the world is hostage to that behavior. Why have so many enabled it and supported it by behaving exactly the same way? Is this the only way humans can make themselves look right by inconsiderately making others look wrong?

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Posted: Jan 24, 2008 11:10am
Apr 20, 2007
Oprah posed two questions about the killings to which I responded and would like to share with all of you here.

Why did it happen?

This I feel very confident answering because my daughter committed suicide at the age of 19 in 1984. Although she didn't kill others such as this incident or the suicides like 911, those in Iraq and around the world, she did kill a part of all those who knew her. There is one common element to those that commit suicide. The majority have been bullied. My daughter went through this at age 12 while in the 7th grade. The more my wife and I tried to stop it, the worse it got. I see absolutely zero effort put into understanding how the bullying affected those that got bullied. My daughter left behind 5 journals, plus I have letters from her and her mother which I have been putting into a book. As I write what I went through at the various times these things were written, I found my confidence grew about sharing my thoughts about this subject.

The bullying is a process where the bully makes another look wrong so the bully can look right. The bully controls and manipulates others to buy into their own insecurities. With my daughter it killed her trust in others and had her withdraw into mainly only her own mind and thoughts. She knew that she had to protect herself but didn't have the reasoning ability developed yet to get out of this solitary confinement situation taking place in her head. That escalated the problem as then she would be viewed as weird, mentally ill, psycho, and somebody to avoid. It's easier for people to talk about this behavior she developed then it is for them to understand it. She became a leper, so to speak and could only be seen as a problem to solve with opinions. The opinions usually came from those that didn't have the mental capabilities to understand or live their own lives in a constructive manner yet offered destructive suggestive thoughts in how other lives should be lived. To me, that is totally the problem.

What can we do?

For many I'd say nothing other than remember the saying "Silence is golden." I went through 7 years of suicide attempts and pure hell with my daughter. I only to woke up to the fact that I was the problem a year and a half before her death. Do any of us even have the slightest clue in knowing how to love? Believe me when I tell you this was a complete course in how to love with not one single lesson showing the slightest hint of being easy. The main thing I want to share in what to do about this is that I had to become everything I wanted for my daughter in life so I could then share with her how I accomplished becoming that way. My main focus became earning her trust and respect, which I later realized I never did with her mother in forming our relationship as parents. So my suggestion is for people to work on themselves so they become human beings that have something to share with others. Then in time maybe we could concentrate on children with issues like self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence plus teach them how to form and be in relationships.

It seems simple enough to write but sure hard to get across but these are my ideas about this subject.

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Posted: Apr 20, 2007 1:56pm
Sep 27, 2006
What we can learn from the Hungarian PM's disastrous slip-up.

"We have screwed up. Not a little, but a lot. … If we have to give an account to the country of what we have done in four years, what are we going to say?"

I wish I could gleefully report that the words quoted above had been spoken by an American politician, preferably at a large public gathering with lots of media. But, alas, they were pronounced by a foreign politician with an unpronounceable surname: Ferenc Gyurcsany, the prime minister of Hungary. For those readers who don't follow Hungarian politics on a daily basis, he also said that "we lied, morning, noon, and night" and conceded that his country had stayed afloat during his government's first term thanks to "divine providence, the abundance of cash in the world economy, and hundreds of tricks."

Gyurcsany made these refreshingly frank comments during a private meeting. They were taped, and leaked. He now says he spoke that way to impress upon his colleagues the urgent need for radical economic reform in Hungary, by which he means higher taxes (his party had promised lower taxes) and tighter budgets (his party had promised few cuts). Shakily, he's sticking to that line.

It won't be easy. In Budapest, his comments sparked several nights of riots, about 250 injuries, and daily demonstrations. Hungary's currency and credit rating took sudden dives. The opposition is calling for his resignation. Inexplicably, Gyurcsany still managed to show up late last week at a conference on European Union reform in Berlin, where I watched him make an emotional and not entirely comprehensible speech. He warned, among other things, of "radical nationalism," by which he presumably meant all of those people angry at him for "screwing up." He looked close to tears.

The lesson here is clear: Prime ministers, presidents, and other sundry statesmen beware. In democratic politics, you get in trouble not for what you do but for what you say - particularly if it's true.

I should point out here that the Hungarian case is unusual, since the prime minister was admitting not only to mistakes but also to deliberate deception—a double whammy. But it's true, too, that plenty of other politicians around the world have lost elections, support, and power for telling a difficult truth. Let's be blunter: In America, no one gets elected dogcatcher if he talks about reform, sacrifice, and lower living standards—let alone confesses to serious mistakes. This is not because such candidates are liars, though some of them may be. It is because the public doesn't like talk of reform, sacrifice, and lower living standards. We don't tolerate negative politicians. We don't re-elect them.

All of which brings me, unavoidably, to the Bush administration and Iraq. Last week another leak revealed that at least some part of the American intelligence apparatus now believes that the war in Iraq has led to an increase in radical Islam, a strengthening of the international terrorist network, and a higher threat of attacks on America and Americans. If this is true, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, it means that the president and the defense secretary have been told by some of their own intelligence officers that the bungling of the war in Iraq was a grave mistake.

But I'm not holding my breath in anticipation of hearing that analysis from the president or the defense secretary or anyone else close to the White House. And—without getting into the ins and outs of who said what to whom, what might have been done differently, or what the future policy in Iraq might be—maybe none of us should be surprised. It's all very well to call for apologies or admissions of wrongdoing or acknowledgment of failure, as some Democrats are doing this week. Yet if the president really were to publicly declare that "we have screwed up," he would inspire, if not riots, then jeering and sneering all around. If Donald Rumsfeld were to state that all of his Iraq-is-a-success talk was wrong, and that "we lied, morning, noon, and night," I'm not sure anyone would like him any better for it, either.

It's too bad: If we could openly analyze what went wrong in Iraq without constant administration spinning, we might avoid similar disasters in the future. If we could openly speculate about the new threats created there, without the director of intelligence complaining that we'd misinterpreted the leak, we'd be in a better position to fight them. But confession of mistakes is, in a way, the last taboo. Nowadays you're allowed to cry if you're a politician, and you're allowed to admit you need counseling. You aren't allowed to say your policies were wrong. In our political culture, just as in Hungary's, the admission of error is always called a sign of weakness.

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Posted: Sep 27, 2006 8:32am


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Ken G.
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