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Fear or love
Apr 20, 2006
I think it was a mistake to tell you awhile back that I rarely post things other people have written.  I’m discovering that that rule boxes me in too much.
 
Here’s something that I like a lot from Rhonda Britten’s book Fearless Loving.  I’ll tell you more about what it means to me in another post.
 
 
Fear tells you to hide your true self.
Love tells you to stand up and shine.
 
Fear wants perfection.
Love is perfect despite appearances.
 
Fear tells you being right is the way to stay safe.
Love knows safety is an illusion.
 
Fear argues for your limitations.
Love takes a stand for your greatness.
 
Fear wants more.
Love knows there is always enough.
 
Fear thinks pain is a weakness.
Love sees pain as an opening.
 
Fear wants guarantees.
Love wouldn’t ask for guarantees.
 
Fear tells you to protect yourself.
Love tells you to be vulnerable.
 
Fear wants to know why.
Love wants to know how.
 
Fear wants to confine.
Love wants to let go.
 
Fear wants to hold on.
Love wants to surrender.
 
Fear wants to be wanted.
Love knows it is wanted.
 
Fear judges.
Love accepts.
 
Fear tells you to sacrifice.
Love tells you it’s a gift.
 
 
What do you think?  Does this speak to you?  Are you noticing any insights?  Or do you think this is complete balderdash?
 
Namaste,
Michael
 
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Posted: Apr 20, 2006 6:07pm
Substratum
Apr 10, 2006
I’ve developed a new field of investigation: psycho-archaeology.  We who are psycho-archaeologists do archaeological digs into the depths of our consciousness.
 
I recently began doing a major dig into whatever is going on with me with relationships.  My first publication of the results was my treatise to A about what I did to sabotage my relationship with her.
 
Simultaneously I was doing another large dig into those pits of depression I’ve been falling into off and on much of my life.
 
And guess what.  I found that just a few layers down, there was the same substratum that underlay both issues.  In fact, I’ve discovered that that substratum underlies every problem, every issue, every struggle, every frustration I’ve ever had in life.
 
OK, I know, I’ve slipped from archaeological metaphor into geological metaphor.  So, I’m not perfect.  Drop me a letter grade on my essay if you want.  Though it feels more like a master’s thesis right now.  I’ve been trying to write this for days, and it keeps getting deeper and more complex every time I think about it.
 
Anyway, what I’ve found and experienced is that the substratum that underlies all painful issues in my life is resistance to feeling fear, emptiness, and loneliness (as shorthand, I’ll refer to them from now on as f/e/l) and a huge cache of those feelings sitting there inside me, waiting to be restimulated.  I now understand that EVERYTHING else that hasn’t worked in my relationships and in the rest of my life has been a consequence of my trying to protect myself from feeling overwhelmed by f/e/l.  Sometimes, much to my consternation, what I’ve done to protect myself from those feelings has actually fed them and increased them, the opposite of what I wanted.
 
I acknowledge that I am responsible for having those feelings inside.  I wasn’t responsible for the conditions and events that instilled them in the first place (when I was a child), but I am responsible for not having done since then what it takes to heal them and not be so influenced by them.  Consequently, I’m also responsible for the negative effects they’ve had on much of my life, including probably all of my romantic relationships.
 
I’ve come to realize that there are 2 problems at the root of why f/e/l have run my life so much:
  1. I don’t have enough people in my life who love me unconditionally so that I can fill myself up with love instead of f/e/l.  (See Greg Baer, Real Love)  I believe this is a temporary solution, but one that will work if I keep those people around so I can re-fill whenever needed.
  2. I haven’t done the work to develop a strong and effective enough inner loving adult who will take care of my wounded inner child and who can bring through God’s love to me so that I don’t need to get it from the outside.  (See Margaret Paul, Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God?)  I believe this is the long-term, ultimate solution.
 
Because I need to do this spiritual healing work, I have repeatedly attracted people and situations into my life that have called me to do the healing by reminding me of the wounds (of the f/e/l).  I also believe that my spiritual guides and teachers have cooperated in this by helping to set my life up so that I’d have to learn what I’ve needed to learn.  So, as results of my f/e/l and my attempts to protect myself from them, I’ve consistently repeated some patterns of thinking and behaving that have sabotaged many aspects of my life.  Among them have been attempting to control, hanging on tightly to what didn’t work for me, withholding (not being open), blaming, acting like a victim, and avoiding (what Greg Baer calls running and some others call hiding).
 
One manifestation of the avoiding I’ve done is that I’ve run away from relationships (all kinds of them, not just romantic ones) because getting involved has brought up the fear of getting hurt.  Part of that avoiding has been sabotaging relationships I did start.  It seems that I’ve preferred to run from relationships than to be hurt by them.  Yes, that’s true in at least many cases.  As soon as it looks to me like I may be rejected (thus bringing up f/e/l), I start to run away (thus causing myself f/e/l).  Apparently being in charge of it seems like a better option than being a victim of it.  So, I avoid what I want most – loving relationships.
 
Sometimes I feel like the guy who bought a dog and named her Go Away.  Then he’d call to her: “Come here, Go Away.”  (Thanks to Trish for this joke.)
 
I’ve also discovered a wide variety of other “creative” ways that I’ve avoided feeling f/e/l.  One of them is by becoming depressed.  As you probably know, I’ve been paying close attention to the dynamics of the depression I experience.  I’ve concluded that, at least in part, it’s a way of protecting myself against f/e/l, which feels much worse to me than depression does.  F/e/l begins to come up, and I’ve protected myself from it by depressing myself.  It’s also a form of being a victim.  If I’m depressed, then I’ve believed that I have a “good” reason for not doing whatever I fear.  So, I don’t think that any of the other explanations for depression are relevant.  I think I’ve just been avoiding f/e/l.
 
That’s exactly what Margie Paul (Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God?) suggests about depression.  It’s a consequence of trying to protect myself from feelings rather than having the intention to learn about loving when the feelings arise.  Margie says it will turn out differently, that I won’t fall into depression if I’ll choose differently, if I’ll choose the path of learning about loving when those feelings arise.
 
Is it really this simple?  (Not easy – simple.)  It may be.  I’m willing to find out.  I’m choosing to believe that it is.

 
I have to admit that knowing this and remembering it when I begin to get depressed really does spoil a “good” depression.  Oh, well….
 
So, I’m on my way.  I have the foundation (the substratum) identified.  Now I just need to stay conscious and to choose the other path, the path of learning to love myself, my feelings, and other people whenever f/e/l arise instead of choosing to protect myself.
 
Not easy, but simple.
 
Namaste,
Michael
 
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Posted: Apr 10, 2006 6:53pm
Healing and enhancing relationships
Apr 10, 2006
I’ve been reading a book the past few days that is speaking loudly to me.  It isn’t that I don’t already know some of what the author presents.  It’s that there’s enough that I didn’t know and what I do know is organized and presented so well that I love the book.  It’s The Relationship Cure by John Gottman, Ph.D.
 
In case you don’t know about Dr. Gottman, he’s a professor, relationship researcher, and therapist in Seattle.  One of his claims to fame is that he’s demonstrated that he can observe a relationship for a matter of minutes and then predict with over 90% accuracy if that relationship will last more than a few years.  He tells how in one of his books.
 
If you don’t know this about me, relationship healing and enhancement is one of my passions.  It’s also been a focus of mine in my past professional work as a coach, therapist, educator, and workshop facilitator.  I’m sure it will be again when I finally step back into that identity.
 
So, I’m feeling moved to share with you my list of favorite books about relationships.  Then I’ll ask you to tell me about more.  Here they are:
 
Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D.s:
Conscious Loving
The Conscious Heart
Lasting Love
Attracting Genuine Love
Spirit-Centered Relationships
 
Marianne Williamson:
A Return to Love
Enchanted Love
 
John Gottman, Ph.D.:
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail... And How You Can Make Yours Last
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
The Relationship Cure
 
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.:
Nonviolent Communication; a Language of Compassion
 
Greg Baer, M.D.:
Real Love
Real Love in Marriage (in my opinion, a better book than Real Love, but you’ll have to order it through his web site – www.realloveinstitute.com)
Real Love in Dating (also available through his web site)
 
Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.:
If the Buddha Dated
If the Buddha Married
A Home for the Heart; A Practical Guide to Intimate and Social Relationships
 
John Welwood, Ph.D.:
Journey of the Heart; The Path of Conscious Love
 
Barry Vissell, M.D. and Joyce Vissell, R.N., M.S.:
The Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations & Celebrations
Light in the Mirror
 
Stephen and Ondrea Levine:
Embracing the Beloved; Relationship as a Path of Awakening
 
Don Miguel Ruiz, M.D.:
The Four Agreements
The Mastery of Love
 
Richard Bach:
Bridge Across Forever

A Course in Miracles (this is really more a spiritual path than just a book about relationships, but it's too relevant not to list)
 
Robert Perry:
Relationships as a Spiritual Journey (based on A Course in Miracles)

Susan Page:
If We’re So In Love, Why Aren’t We Happy?  Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems
If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive
 
Susan Campbell, Ph.D.:
Truth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real
 
Kenny & Julia Loggins:
The Unimaginable Life
 
Harville Hendrix:
Getting the Love You Want
Keeping the Love You Find
Giving the Love That Heals

I’m eager to know about any other great relationship books.  So, do you have any favorite books about healing or enhancing relationships that I’ve missed?
 
Namaste,
Michael
 
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Posted: Apr 10, 2006 5:36pm
Who that?
Apr 10, 2006
I have an admission to make.  I am a language geek.  (Or is it a nerd?  I have difficulty distinguishing between those words.  And to a language geek/nerd it matters.)  I love language.  I believe that proficiency with language gives us more power in the world.  That’s the reason I, as a substitute teacher, usually choose to take English classes as my assignments.
 
When I speak of language, I don’t just mean words and their meaning.  I also mean syntax, spelling, grammar, punctuation, and all the other aspects of language that make one a great writer or speaker.
 
Consequently, I have a lot of concern about how language is misused by so many people.  I’m not judgmental about it.  I just wish people were more careful about what they say and write so that they could communicate more clearly.  One of my special interests is how people use language in such a way that they subtly communicate something other than what they mean.
 
And that brings me to the topic for this post.  I can’t begin to say how often I see people referred to as “that” in writing and hear it in speaking.  For example, “I have a sister that likes to go hiking” or “Will people that like to sing please come to our choir meeting.”
 
“That” refers to objects, to things.  When we use “that” to refer to people, we’re subtly objectifying them.  Whenever I see or hear people referred to as “that” I wince to myself.
 
“Who” is the word that refers to a person.  “I have a sister who likes to go hiking.”  “Will people who like to sing please come to our choir meeting.”  Those sentences tell us the speaker/writer is talking about people and not about pieces of furniture or rocks – or worse yet, about someone they’re choosing to treat disrespectfully.
 
OK, now you can all go ahead and say/write whatever you want.  I’ve had the privilege of telling you my perception of the issue, and maybe some of you will think about it a little.  That’s enough.
 
Namaste,
Michael
 
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Posted: Apr 10, 2006 5:23pm
Healing and enhancing relationships
Apr 10, 2006
I?ve been reading a book the past few days that is speaking loudly to me. It isn?t that I don?t already know some of what the author presents. It?s that there?s enough that I didn?t know and what I do know is organized and presented so well that I love the book. It?s The Relationship Cure by John Gottman, Ph.D.

In case you don?t know about Dr. Gottman, he?s a professor, relationship researcher, and therapist in Seattle. One of his claims to fame is that he?s demonstrated that he can observe a relationship for a matter of minutes and then predict with over 90% accuracy if that relationship will last more than a few years. He tells how in one of his books.

If you don?t know this about me, relationship healing and enhancement is one of my passions. It?s also been a focus of mine in my past professional work as a coach, therapist, educator, and workshop facilitator. I?m sure it will be again when I finally step back into that identity.

So, I?m feeling moved to share with you my list of favorite books about relationships. Then I?ll ask you to tell me about more. Here they are:

Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D.s:
Conscious Loving
The Conscious Heart
Lasting Love
Attracting Genuine Love
Spirit-Centered Relationships

Marianne Williamson:
A Return to Love
Enchanted Love

John Gottman, Ph.D.:
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail... And How You Can Make Yours Last
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
The Relationship Cure

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.:
Nonviolent Communication; a Language of Compassion

Greg Baer, M.D.:
Real Love
Real Love in Marriage (in my opinion, a better book than Real Love, but you?ll have to order it through his web site ? www.realloveinstitute.com)
Real Love in Dating (also available through his web site)

Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.:
If the Buddha Dated
If the Buddha Married
A Home for the Heart; A Practical Guide to Intimate and Social Relationships

John Welwood, Ph.D.:
Journey of the Heart; The Path of Conscious Love

Barry Vissell, M.D. and Joyce Vissell, R.N., M.S.:
The Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations & Celebrations
Light in the Mirror

Stephen and Ondrea Levine:
Embracing the Beloved; Relationship as a Path of Awakening

Don Miguel Ruiz, M.D.:
The Four Agreements
The Mastery of Love

Richard Bach:
Bridge Across Forever

A Course in Miracles (this is really more a spiritual path than just a book about relationships, but it?s too relevant not to list)

Robert Perry:
Relationships as a Spiritual Journey (based on A Course in Miracles)

Susan Page:
If We?re So In Love, Why Aren?t We Happy? Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems
If I?m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.:
Truth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real

Kenny & Julia Loggins:
The Unimaginable Life

Harville Hendrix:
Getting the Love You Want
Keeping the Love You Find
Giving the Love That Heals

I?m eager to know about any other great relationship books. So, do you have any favorite books about healing or enhancing relationships that I?ve missed?

Namaste,
Michael

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Posted: Apr 10, 2006 12:00pm
Who that?
Apr 10, 2006
I have an admission to make. I am a language geek. (Or is it a nerd? I have difficulty distinguishing between those words. And to a language geek/nerd it matters.) I love language. I believe that proficiency with language gives us more power in the world. That?s the reason I, as a substitute teacher, usually choose to take English classes as my assignments.

When I speak of language, I don?t just mean words and their meaning. I also mean syntax, spelling, grammar, punctuation, and all the other aspects of language that make one a great writer or speaker.

Consequently, I have a lot of concern about how language is misused by so many people. I?m not judgmental about it. I just wish people were more careful about what they say and write so that they could communicate more clearly. One of my special interests is how people use language in such a way that they subtly communicate something other than what they mean.

And that brings me to the topic for this post. I can?t begin to say how often I see people referred to as ?that? in writing and hear it in speaking. For example, ?I have a sister that likes to go hiking? or ?Will people that like to sing please come to our choir meeting.?

?That? refers to objects, to things. When we use ?that? to refer to people, we?re subtly objectifying them. Whenever I see or hear people referred to as ?that? I wince to myself.

?Who? is the word that refers to a person. ?I have a sister who likes to go hiking.? ?Will people who like to sing please come to our choir meeting.? Those sentences tell us the speaker/writer is talking about people and not about pieces of furniture or rocks ? or worse yet, about someone they?re choosing to treat disrespectfully.

OK, now you can all go ahead and say/write whatever you want. I?ve had the privilege of telling you my perception of the issue, and maybe some of you will think about it a little. That?s enough.

Namaste,
Michael

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Posted: Apr 10, 2006 11:26am
What's the point?
Apr 8, 2006
My last message and some replies to it and to previous messages inspired this one.

A lot of people write journals and publish them on the internet. Perhaps you're wondering why we all do that. I know some of you don't understand the point of my writing about my process on Saturday evening and other similar messages.

Well, I don't know why everyone else does it. I haven't asked all of them. In fact, I haven't asked any of them. However, I do know at least a few of the reasons that I do.

Here are a few of them:

1. It's a way for people who might be interested in doing so to get to know me more deeply. Anyone who is interested has the option to read what I write, and those who aren't have the option not to read it. By being exceptionally open about whatever is going on with me, you get to know me in a way that's not the common Middle American way. I don't have a great need for privacy, and I do have a greater need for intimacy - which is, in part, a function of vulnerable openness.

One very relevant example: Prior to our meeting, Antoinette read all of my journal-letters that she could find. I think she knew my history better than I did. She admitted recently that she began to have a bit of a crush on me just from reading those messages, even before we met in person.

2. I like attention. "Yes," some of you are thinking, "I knew it." It's the same part of me that gets me up in front of groups performing. I think most of us like attention in some ways from some people. I just like more of it than a lot of people do. I know that some people have judgments about wanting attention. I suggest that those judgments may be a reflection of negative messages we received as children about attention-seeking. I think wanting attention is fine. It's only a problem when it's out of balance and becomes compulsive and desperate or when it's about wanting all attention and isn't balanced by giving others attention, too.

3. I hope maybe occasionally someone will be entertained by some of what I write. I know that's true sometimes.

4. Most of all, though, I hope that it will make a difference in some way to some of the people who read it. There are lots of autobiographical books that have become best sellers because readers have gotten value from the authors' self-disclosure. I think of some of Richard Bach's books (for example, Bridge Across Forever), Francis Horn's I Want One Thing, Marlo Morgan's Mutant Messages Down Under, a lot of Alan Cohen's material. . . come to think of it, a lot of the books I value most are at least partly autobiographical. I hope that something I experience, some insight I gain, some thought I have, some process I go through, some way that I deal with issues, some something I write about will facilitate some kind of breakthrough or provide an idea or suggest a new way of doing something that's important to some of the people who read my journal-letters.

Actually, that's now beyond a hope. I know from some of the feedback I've received that it's already happened, and I feel blessed and honored by that.

Specifically regarding my process Saturday evening . . . One of the things I hope some people will get is an idea of a different way of handling feelings related to another person than the one I learned as a child. I hope other people will feel validated in their way of dealing with their own feelings related to others. My intention is to observe feelings and detach myself from them, to treat them as interesting phenomena, to own my responsibility for them, to open to learning about loving, to communicate what's true for me, to ask Spirit for a higher way, and to be open about that process. That works for me.

What I'm not doing is suffering, asking people for advice, making myself out to be a victim, building it all up into a big deal, blaming her, wanting her to fix it for me, hiding it so other people won't see my weaknesses, or any of the other approaches I learned in my family of origin and from culture in general.

That's it, folks. That's why I write these. Maybe someday some of my journal-letters will become the foundation for a book. We shall see. If so, you can say you read some of it in its original form.

Now I'm wondering why all those other people write their online journals.

Warmly,
Michael

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Posted: Apr 8, 2006 2:57am
If...
Apr 2, 2006
I’ve known her for a few months. We met sometime after A and I broke up. I don’t exactly remember when. We’ve talked some, but never at length, yet we know some pretty personal things about each other. I’m intentionally being vague. You’ll probably understand after you’ve read the rest of this. I’ll call her NK.

NK is one of those women in my life. “What women?” you ask. She’s one of those women I find attractive and like being around, one I wonder if I might fall in love with if circumstances were different. But circumstances are what they are. I’m too recently out of a relationship, too raw, not healed enough to get involved seriously with anyone. And NK is involved with someone already. As I said, if circumstances were different….

A few days ago NK and I had the longest conversation we’ve ever had, though it wasn’t all that long compared to some I’ve had. I was enjoying my time with her. Then it happened.

NK told me she likes me and enjoys talking with me. I returned the sentiments. And she said, “If I weren’t already involved with someone, I’d be interested in you.” Without a thought I said, “If you weren’t involved with someone, I’d be interested in you, too.”

There it was. Now what?

We agreed to continue to be friends. For me that’s a genuine commitment, not some sneaky way to reject someone. I think it was for her, too.

I won’t interfere with her relationship for several reasons. First, I don’t think I’ll have to take someone away from another man if she’s really my right partner. I believe that what’s rightfully mine will come to me easily. Second, I don’t want that bad karma in my life. I know that what goes around comes back around. Third, I don’t want to hurt another man just to have what I want. And fourth, as I said before, I’m not really ready for another relationship right now anyway. Any woman I’d get involved with these days would just be a transitional relationship.

So, I’ll be her friend. I doubt that any of you knows how many of those women there are in my life in some way – women I’m attracted to who are just my friends because the circumstances aren’t right for one reason or another or several. I’d bet that some of you who are reading this are among those women. I don’t have any pressing need to be involved romantically with any of those women; I’m content to have them as friends. I just know that in my mind and heart, there would be the potential for a romantic relationship if all those circumstances were different. But they aren’t.

By the way, one of the circumstances whenever I’m involved in a romantic relationship is that I’m already committed to her. I wouldn’t be looking for (or even open to) someone else to replace her. Refer to the first three reasons I mentioned for not interfering with someone else’s relationship and adapt them. I won’t interfere in that way with my own relationship, either.

What stands out to me about this most of all is that I was in that phase of breaking up with someone when I doubt that any woman I’ll find attractive will ever be interested in me again. Well, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe there are other possibilities in this life for me to have a romantic relationship. But, are there any without some of those circumstances that turn them into “just friends”? As I told one friend, it seems that most of the women I find attractive (and I mean far more than physically attractive) are either already involved with someone else or else not interested.

The door is open just a crack. If….

Namaste,
Michael
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Posted: Apr 2, 2006 9:47pm
Answering the call
Apr 2, 2006
Have you ever followed a seemingly unimportant inner urging and found yourself in a significant experience as a result? It just happened with me again early yesterday evening.

I’m housesitting at a home in Las Campanas (for any of you who is familiar with areas of Santa Fe). Since I know that phone calls will very rarely be for me (the homeowners are the only people I know who have the number and know I’m here), I sometimes answer them and usually don’t. Then I check messages occasionally to see if there’s something important to communicate to the people who live here.

Early yesterday evening the phone rang. I was going to ignore it, but something inside – one of those inner urgings I sometimes have – told me to answer. My rational mind thought maybe it was the homeowners calling to tell me they’d arrived where they were going. It wasn’t.

A woman named Karen was calling for the wife of the couple who lives here. When she heard that her friends had already left, she began chatting a bit anyway. She was very friendly. Then – I don’t recall how it came up – she told me that she’s had cancer and is working on recovery. I could have just listened. I could have ignored it. I could have done a lot of things, I guess. But another of those inner urgings arose.

I encouraged her to stay positive about it and briefly told her about Barbara, my friend who has recently beaten cancer for the second time. I also felt moved to tell her that we had gotten people all over the world to pray for her. Well, she really connected with that, and we ended up having a fairly long conversation about prayer and healing and about how we pray and about leaving the outcome open for whatever is the most spiritually appropriate outcome. I told her about ending prayers with “this or something better for the highest benefit of everyone concerned,” and she loved that. When we finally finished, Karen thanked me and said that our conversation had been important for her.

By following my inner urgings about a phone call from a stranger, I found myself ministering to someone and making a difference. Isn’t it interesting how the calls may come? I pledge myself, once again, to pay attention and to follow my inner guidance, whenever and however it appears. I never know when it might be directing me to something important.

Namaste,
Michael
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Posted: Apr 2, 2006 9:45pm
If...
Apr 2, 2006
I?ve known her for a few months. We met sometime after A and I broke up. I don?t exactly remember when. We?ve talked some, but never at length, yet we know some pretty personal things about each other. I?m intentionally being vague. You?ll probably understand after you?ve read the rest of this. I?ll call her NK.

NK is one of those women in my life. ?What women?? you ask. She?s one of those women I find attractive and like being around, one I wonder if I might fall in love with if circumstances were different. But circumstances are what they are. I?m too recently out of a relationship, too raw, not healed enough to get involved seriously with anyone. And NK is involved with someone already. As I said, if circumstances were different?.

A few days ago NK and I had the longest conversation we?ve ever had, though it wasn?t all that long compared to some I?ve had. I was enjoying my time with her. Then it happened.

NK told me she likes me and enjoys talking with me. I returned the sentiments. And she said, ?If I weren?t already involved with someone, I?d be interested in you.? Without a thought I said, ?If you weren?t involved with someone, I?d be interested in you, too.?

There it was. Now what?

We agreed to continue to be friends. For me that?s a genuine commitment, not some sneaky way to reject someone. I think it was for her, too.

I won?t interfere with her relationship for several reasons. First, I don?t think I?ll have to take someone away from another man if she?s really my right partner. I believe that what?s rightfully mine will come to me easily. Second, I don?t want that bad karma in my life. I know that what goes around comes back around. Third, I don?t want to hurt another man just to have what I want. And fourth, as I said before, I?m not really ready for another relationship right now anyway. Any woman I?d get involved with these days would just be a transitional relationship.

So, I?ll be her friend. I doubt that any of you knows how many of those women there are in my life in some way ? women I?m attracted to who are just my friends because the circumstances aren?t right for one reason or another or several. I?d bet that some of you who are reading this are among those women. I don?t have any pressing need to be involved romantically with any of those women; I?m content to have them as friends. I just know that in my mind and heart, there would be the potential for a romantic relationship if all those circumstances were different. But they aren?t.

By the way, one of the circumstances whenever I?m involved in a romantic relationship is that I?m already committed to her. I wouldn?t be looking for (or even open to) someone else to replace her. Refer to the first three reasons I mentioned for not interfering with someone else?s relationship and adapt them. I won?t interfere in that way with my own relationship, either.

What stands out to me about this most of all is that I was in that phase of breaking up with someone when I doubt that any woman I?ll find attractive will ever be interested in me again. Well, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe there are other possibilities in this life for me to have a romantic relationship. But, are there any without some of those circumstances that turn them into ?just friends?? As I told one friend, it seems that most of the women I find attractive (and I mean far more than physically attractive) are either already involved with someone else or else not interested.

The door is open just a crack. If?.

Namaste,
Michael

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Posted: Apr 2, 2006 11:32am

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Michael Dickerson Deluno
female , divorced
Santa Fe, NM, USA
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Have a great Holiday Season, and I hope your New Year is new, all the way through   :)   ......... , . ~ . ~ , ~ , .................... ).. - ~. . ' ..( .................... ( . . . ...(......) ....................| . . . . . ).....|...
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