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Books and Stories
Jan 23, 2006
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories ! His cool Professor gave him an A+ for this report:
 Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
 Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
 Subsequent catastrophe.
 Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
 Subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
 Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
 Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
 Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
 Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
 Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
 Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
 Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
 Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
 Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
 Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.
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Posted: Jan 23, 2006 7:20am
zwhat does Daddy do?
Jan 23, 2006
Honest Kid Subject: What does your father do?
Little David was in his 5th grade class in a school in Washington when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- Fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...
David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll make love for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some class work, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
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Posted: Jan 23, 2006 7:17am
Letter from a farm kid
Jan 23, 2006
LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT
Dear Ma and Pa I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.,
but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other
regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat.
 The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.
They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for
shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail 
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Posted: Jan 23, 2006 7:13am
Bumper Stickers
Jan 23, 2006
Great tinkling if nothing else!!!
Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Don't play stupid with me. I'm better at it.
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is yes.
Was today really necessary?
Just because people don't understand you doesn't make you an artist.
Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand.
I came here with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
O.K., I take it back. Unscrew you.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Better living through denial.
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute!
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Prevent inbreeding. Ban country music.
lady
The bigger the jackass, the louder the bray.
If you lived in your car, you would be home right now.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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Posted: Jan 23, 2006 7:07am

 
 
 
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Valerie l lurie
female, age 56, single, 2 children
Tilton, NH, USA
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