Dan Choi Part II: A Second Anti-DADT Activist Story

Autumn Sandeen followed the Dan Choi letter to Pam’s House Blend with this:

As most of you know, I took to the White House fence with Dan Choi in April and November. In the photo above, I’m in the dress blue Navy uniform standing next to Dan.

And too, as those who have been following Pam’s House Blend for a while, you know I retired from the military in 2000, and have a Veterans Administration (VA) Disability Rating of 100% — my VA Disability Rating is Service Connected.

The main reason I have that rating is a bipolar type II and a half condition, also known as cyclothymic disorder. I was hospitalized in at the San Diego VA Medical Center’s Psychiatric Unit in 2004 because I’d been overmedicated on my then mood stabilizer, Gabapentin, in large part to help me deal with an extraordinary amount of stress I was under at the time. At the time of that hospitalization, I wasn’t a public figure, but I was a public figure when my friend Christine Daniels died by suicide in November of 2009, and I then had a significant panic attack — which is a kind of anxiety attack, and was associated for me with mania.  Significant stress is a trigger for me; I have hypomania, depression, and anxiety attacks when I feel stressed.  For others who aren’t bipolar like me, though, significant stress still can result in anxiety attacks, depression, and mental breakdowns.

 For example, as a military veteran I’m very aware that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a particular kind of anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.

Personally, I’ve had to learn how to deal with my stressors in a way that doesn’t harm my ability to function in society. I had to learn, through years of therapy, that I need to address my own needs even while attempting to deal with the needs of others. I have to limit certain kinds of stress I experience — a reason why I don’t work is because work stress is difficult for me. So, even though I work hard to address issues relating to the freedom, equality, and justice of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people, I’ve had to learn what I can and can’t do for the causes I believe in; I’ve had to learn that I have real limitations, and that trying to exceed my personal limitations leads to negative outcomes.

The therapy I’ve had has helped me figure out my limitations, as well as helping me figure out strategies for dealing with stressors to minimize debilitating mood swings and panic attacks. Without the mental health resources I have as a retired, disabled, Persian Gulf War veteran, I don’t believe I would have broken thorough to the functionality that I currently enjoy most of the time.

Basically, I’m not Superwoman.

In the same vein, Dan Choi isn’t Superman. I don’t know all of the personal and public stressors Dan has recently experienced, nor do I know exactly what kind of anxiety Dan has recently experienced. He gets to have his health care related privacy, and he is free to share — or not share — about the medical conditions that find him hospitalized.

What I do know is that Dan did the responsible thing, and decided to seek professional help through the Veterans Administration when he felt he needed help. He is no doubt resting and receiving the help of professionals that he needs. And, he chose to inform people publicly that he is hospitalized, and he is receiving treatment.

It’s too easy to forget that Dan Choi is not just a brave and strong combat veteran, but he’s a human being too. I know that from time I’ve spent with him before engaging in the White House direct actions he truly is brave and strong. He’s lived through combat; he’s taken upon himself a fight against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell for what he hopes will be the benefit of the broad LGBT community. Those are some big stressors Dan has taken upon himself.

I’ve watched as politicians treat lesbian, gay, and bisexual veterans as if they are political footballs instead of qualified, honorable service members who are prepared to die for their country. I’m sure Dan personally feels treated as less than fully human by many politicians in Washington. Dan’s bravery and strength have limitations, and it now appears that he’s ran into some of those limits.

Dan isn’t alone. There are many, many service members who have seen combat — enduring stresses most of us can’t imagine — and yet are still valuable members of society. Dan has been, and still is, a valuable member of his veterans and LGBT communities. Hopefully, when Dan has engaged for awhile in the treatment he knows he needs, he’ll again be productive — but hopefully while taking better care of his own needs in the process, and hopefully while better functioning within his own limitations.

As Dan Choi talks now about what combat veterans go through, and now begins a discussion within his communities on the stigma that veterans — especially LGBT veterans — who reach out for help face, he will create space for positive change.

Sue Fulton, the chair of Knight’s Out and a board member of OutServe, had this to say about Dan:

Dan Choi is both a hero AND a human being, who has exhausted himself in the pursuit of justice. Our prayers are with him, and we hope for his speedy recovery.

I have similar thoughts to Sue’s thoughts; my warmest thoughts are for Dan’s well-being.

JD Smith, chair of OutServe, added this:

Dan brought our movement to a whole new level. We all have our roles to play in this movement and he played one of the most important: making us challenge and evaluate how exactly we are challenging the status quo to get equal.

Dan Choi is brave, strong, and needing mental health assistance now — and all of those things are true all at the same time. That, as well as the sacrifices he has made for his country and LGBT community, have contributed towards his need of assistance. Those are issues that are worth discussing.

My hope for LGBT community is that we won’t stigmatize or minimize Dan Choi for reaching out for the mental health assistance he needs now. Our LGBT veterans deserve to be treated with honor, respect, and with dignity; Dan Choi is among the bravest and strongest LGBT veterans I’ve ever met, and he deserves honor, respect, and dignity. I’m proud to know him, and proud to continue to stand by him as he receives the assistance he needs now.

Service members United reminded us in a Veterans Day email blast of this:

Of the approximately 21.8 million veterans in the United States today, over 1 million are LGBT. And of the 1.2 million active service members, over 66,000 are LGB. While the discrimination we face as a minority under DADT has been very real to all of us, Service members United wants to take this Veterans Day to focus on an issue that affects the entire wider military community, regardless of orientation, color, religion, gender, or age.

 Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) remains a serious issue for service members and veterans. While PTS can affect anyone, its impact can be exacerbated with gay and lesbian troops and vets because of our frequent unwillingness to trust military doctors and sometimes even VA healthcare providers. For those who are skeptical about seeking evaluation and treatment for PTS because of the cloud of DADT, Service members United has been featuring two civilian resources as alternatives on its homepage.

Give An Hour and The Soldiers Project are two civilian mental health provider networks that can hook up service members, vets, and even their families (including LGBT families) with free counseling and other mental health services, and many of these providers specialize in treating PTS. Several of our members have used these networks to get the care they needed but were hesitant to seek elsewhere, and both organizations have confirmed to Service members United that they are very welcoming of gay and lesbian troops, vets, and partners.

Pam’s House Blend also offers a group get well card if you want to sign.


Dan Choi Re-Enlists in the Army as Openly Gay Soldier

Gay Rights Fight Gets Disobedient: Is It About Time?

Military Readiness Enhancement Act – End Don’t Ask Don’t Tell!



By Autumn Sandeen
By Autumn Sandeen, at Pam's House Blend


Martha Eberle
Martha Eberle6 years ago

It was good of you to open up about your problems. In this society, and in the rest of the world too, mental problems give people the willies -- my mother just died of Alzheimers, and her friends had melted away. A broken bone, a heart attack, and there is sympathy, but the eyes avert, the silence happens, when someone says disconnected thoughts. So, I thank you for sharing with many, the forthright story of your illness. I had not realized that Choi was in hospital. Good luck to you in managing a productive and content life.

Norma V.
Norma Villarreal6 years ago

May we remember to treat one another as human beings----worthy of honor, dignity, and respect.

Susan T.
Susan T6 years ago

No one should think any less of Dan Choi for reaching out to get help when he needs it. Anyone waging a campaign to change a government law or policy is going to face tremendous opposition and experience a lot of stress; but the incredibly personal nature of DADT and the stigma some parts of our society still attach to being gay has to compound that stress exponentially.

Call your Senators! DADT may get voted on in the next few days. Wouldn't that be a nice Christmas present?

April Gray
April Gray6 years ago

my husband is bipolar so i have secondhand knowledge of what Autumn is dealing with. she & Dan are absolute heroes, as is anyone who serves their country. i know i'm not strong enough to do so. many thanks to them both :)

Cheryl MacDonald
Cheryl M6 years ago

Yes, here is another hero, and there are so many brave souls in our military or wanting to serve in our military. DADT needs to end now!

Athena C.
Athena C6 years ago

You are a hero. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Being true to yourself comes at a cost, but, the peace you will have over this will sustain your courage.

Cristi Sturgill
Cristi Sturgill6 years ago

Best wishes to Dan.

Melanie K.
Mel;anie K6 years ago

Actually, reading Doyal's post, I believe that he is being sarcastic. What he says is what the homophobic Right says in many different ways. Sad thing is that they know that this is nto true, they just want to stir up the masses with more "fear, fear, fear"!

James Morley
James Morley6 years ago

I presume Doyal D. is just dopey.
Why are so many people and groups anti-gay? It's not infectious.

Suzanne B.
Suzanne B6 years ago

Dan Choi has shown bravery in the great American tradition, on and off the battlefield. It is no small wonder that the stresses of standing up and taking a principled stand got to him. This is a man who was discharged as an officer, yet he has such an intense desire to serve his country that the day a judge issued an order to stay enforcement of DADT, there he was, at a recruitment center, willing to re enlist as a private, if that is not devotion, I dont know what is. Lt.Choi fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, on the battlefield with Nato troops from a number of other countries including Britain, Australia and Israel, all with openly Gay soldiers, all that is except the United States. You dont see any "unit disruption" there. I just do not get it, our country used to proudly lead the world in personal freedom. Now here we are a century later, lagging seriously behind the rest of the free world in rights for our soldiers and our citizens.Where is the outrage about that? I, for one, would much rather see a serious debate based on that fact rather than read about a phony "war on Christmas". We are fighting 2 wars and are short on soldiers, everyday, highly qualified people are being discharged under this abomination of a policy and our Congressional leaders are actually standing up and publicly stating that we are dishonoring Christmas by asking them to work until the holiday to finish the people's business? What is happenning to us? I truly fear for the future. Happy Holidays!