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Arab Women Find Clever Ways to Cope with Sex Rules

Arab Women Find Clever Ways to Cope with Sex Rules

This week, Saudi Arabia’s CPVPV (Commission on the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice) overturned a ban on cycling for women, with some significant qualifications: 1) bicycles cannot be used for transport, 2) the female biker must be accompanied by a male guardian, and 3) she must be wearing a hijab. In other words, as one headline claimed: “Saudi women are now allowed to cycle—but only around in circles.”

Some Saudi Arabian women are running circles around their society’s rules. All across the Arab world, women, frustrated by centuries of patriarchal oppression, are quietly and subtly subverting restrictions in their everyday lives.

Some women are undermining the patriarchy with lace and lingerie. In her new book, Sex in the Citadel, Shereen el Feki chronicles sexuality in Arab society, including the experience of married Arab women who cannot “express their sexual desire and their sexual needs” to their husbands. “It would be a shame for me to show my husband that I want to have sex,” says one woman. According to Feki, lingerie creates a way around the stigma. She writes, “sales are thriving across the Middle East…for many women, lingerie is a tool of empowerment” because it allows women to signal their sexual desires without insulting their culture.

Some teenage girls, desperate for the thrill of co-ed contact, try to game the system. Teenage dating is one of Arab society’s greatest taboos, but a game called “numbering” allows teen boys and girls a taste of possibility, as they exchange cell phone numbers by holding notes up to the windows of their moving cars. For many girls, that glimpse of a guy through the car window may be their only male interaction before marriage.

Other girls, frustrated by society’s intense gender isolation, resort to cross-dressing to get out and about. “A lot of girls do it,” an 18-year-old girl named Sara al-Tukhaifi says. Sara steals and wears her brother’s throbes in order to drive, sit at an all-male counter at a restaurant, or participate in any one of the forbidden activities many would consider human rights.

In another subtle rebellion, every year, 200,000 Iranian women alter their appearances with cosmetic surgery. In fact, Iran has the highest rate of surgery in the world. Women fix their noses, lift their foreheads, and reshape their eyes in an effort to take control of the only exposed areas on their bodies. One woman says, “They won’t let us display our beauty. It’s human nature to want to seek out attention with a beautiful figure, hair, skin … but the hijab doesn’t let you do that. So we have to satisfy that instinct by displaying our ‘art’ on our faces.”

Then there are the bold efforts by women like Manal Al-Sharif and Rajaa Alsanea, who risk their lives to protest the repression and claim a place in the public sphere. Sharif records videos of herself driving illegally, and posts them on YouTube for all to see. Alsanea wrote “Girls of Riyadh,” a controversial book that deals openly with themes of sex, lesbianism and young women’s desire for freedom in Saudi Arabia. Although the book is banned in many conservative countries, Alsanea promotes it around the globe, raising awareness about gender injustice while stressing the importance of maintaining hope. She says, “I am not ashamed of saying we have things we need to work on…but I think females may soon have a very bright future in Saudi Arabia.”

Related Stories:

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Photo credit: Tinou Bao

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11:10AM PDT on Jun 1, 2013

Get all the men out of positions of power. They have had more than enough time to show that they don't have a clue about how to run the world. Put the women in charge. Now (even though I suspect it may already be too late)..

6:09AM PDT on May 31, 2013


2:50PM PDT on May 23, 2013


10:30AM PDT on May 20, 2013

No wonder rape and that other "unspeakable" sixth column of Islam flourish so readily in Muslim countries. Of course I don't think it is any better in some respects for women generally especially in other countries either; many of which like Islam still consider women chattel.

3:54AM PDT on May 20, 2013

I am so thankful that I live in America, not that it is perfect when it comes to women but it's a lot better than Saudi Arabia, or Middle East. These Countries are so backward when it comes to the rights of women. Women there are brave by cross dressing to go out into their world. God Bless them.

12:28AM PDT on May 20, 2013

interesting, thanks for sharing

7:57PM PDT on May 18, 2013

Power, love and acceptance to these women!

9:19AM PDT on May 18, 2013

another world...

12:16PM PDT on May 17, 2013

thanks for sharing!

9:01AM PDT on May 17, 2013

it makes my blood boil to see such injustice what fools and cowards these men are to waste the talents of half their population, especially as this posting shows they are clever, resourceful and brave in the face of such awful and stupid restrictions. Well done ladies keep up the good work - let us hope these men see sense one day soon.

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