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Loading...Do Young Couples Know What Monogamy Means?
A new study from Oregon State University had some starting conclusions: in 40 percent of the heterosexual couples aged 18-25, both married and unmarried, who participated in the study, only one partner said the couple had agreed to be sexually exclusive, while the other maintained that they had no monogamous arrangement.
And even among the couples who had explicitly agreed to be monogamous, about 30 percent said that at least one partner had had sex outside of the relationship.
The most interesting part of the study, though, that this trend seemed to have no connection with the couple’s marital status, or even whether they had children. In fact, couples with children were less likely to have a monogamy agreement in place. This is disturbing, given that previous studies have shown that condom use tends to decline as a relationship progresses.
Jocelyn Warren, one of the researchers, explained that couples tended to become monogamous “generally for emotional reasons, to show love and trust in a relationship” (although there are many other reasons for couples to choose non-monogamy, and it’s entirely possible for non-monogamous couples to show love and trust in ways other than sexual fidelity). But one of the main worries from this study is that couples, by not explicitly saying what they want (or breaking explicit agreements) are putting themselves at risk for sexually transmitted diseases.
“Couples have a hard time talking about these sorts of issues, and I would imagine for young people it’s even more difficult,” explained Marie Harvey, another lead researcher. “Monogamy comes up quite a bit as a way to protect against sexually transmitted diseases. But you can see that agreement on whether one is monogamous or not is fraught with issues.”
The most important element, of course, is open communication in a relationship. And given the state of sex education in this country, it’s completely understandable that young couples do not always grasp the need for explicit agreements, or the importance of using protection in non-monogamous relationships.
It’s also interesting when read alongside findings from another study, which showed that couples who delayed sex were more likely to have good communication, sexual quality, relationship satisfaction and perceived stability. Of course, it’s hard to judge all of these results because, as a recent study showed, some young people don’t seem to understand what abstinence means. But it all raises questions about how we can promote open communication about sexual choices, and the right ways to emphasize responsible decision-making, so that if couples end up in non-monogamous relationships, they know how to make their relationship healthy and stable.
Read more: communication, infidelity, marriage, monogamy, non monogamy, politics, sex-education, sexual communication, sexually transmitted diseases, young couples
Photo from Flickr.
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+ add your ownThank you for article and comments are interesting too.
Thank you for article and comments are interesting too.
We have failed our kids with abstinence only sex education. They are now completely ignorant about the big picture.
I agree with Posing and a lot of the others. Communication is important. And part of that is getting knowledge (be it from peers, mentors, or libraries) to find out what works best for the couple itself. If monogamy is being explained to the younger sorts, then so should communication, polyamory and the meaning of the word 'honesty.' Everyone needs to know their options, and if they're involved, honesty's got to be involved if they're going to have a serious conversation. Maybe a partner is comfortable with his/her mate hooking up with someone else as long as they're careful and regularly tested, and that's cool. But if it's nonconsentual on either party's part, it's seriously not cool, otherwise known as cheating.
Err. Okay, I'm hopping off my soapbox.
Thank you for posting this information.
I think teaching communication is the key. If these couples talked to each other openly, they would find out each other's values.
no such thing anymore
Without getting into whether monogamy is good, bad, good for some, bad for some, whatever... I think we can probably all agree that people should know whether they are in a monogamous relationship or not. All parties involved in a relationship should know what boundaries either exist or do not exist, and that requires communication. It seems like people would just *know* that, but the study seems to indicate that we don't, so maybe it would be worth teaching communication in sex education classes...
Surprising read.
I believe it should be talked about, and how honesty is a strong part of a relationship. For this purpose, I'm assuming it's in reference to relationships, not necessarily the state of being married, only the situation of being together to be seen as an official couple. While monogamy may not be realistic for everyone, it needs to be said that with more sex partners you have, the higher risk of diseases, and there is still the chance of unwanted pregnancy. So does a husband want his wife to be pregnant by another man? Does he want to impregnate another woman aside from the one he's with, and how is that fair to the other partner, etc? While I am pro choice, I despise people who use it as a convenience of "oops, I got pregnant when I was at a swingers party"... You willingly went for it, and so it's your responsibility. Can't handle the responsibility of parenthood? A) don't have sex, or B) take all proper precautions.
People are starting to think for themselves. Forcing the monogamy ideology down their throats is unfair. While some want only one sexual partner many would like more freedom amd multiple partners.
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