Help! My Vegetarian Child Wants to Eat Meat

When I became a vegetarian at age 14, I was opting out of a food system I felt was cruel, corrupt, and environmentally harmful. Decades later I’m facing a dilemma that my 4-year-old wants to eat the lunches served in her school cafeteria, which means meat.

After 3 out of 5 of her packed lunches came back from school untouched last week, I was unable to get a straight answer out of my daughter on what she was eating. So, I checked in with her teacher after school. The teacher reported that Maya had been “forgetting” her lunch in her locker at lunchtime. Since the teacher could neither send someone to fetch the forgotten lunch nor allow one of her preschoolers to go hungry, she’d been procuring a cafeteria meal for my daughter. Apparently, Maya had happily consumed barbecue chicken, fish tacos, and possibly a cheese burger that week.

As we were talking, Maya took a moment out of playing with a classmate to declare “I don’t want to be a vegetarian. I want hot lunch.” to which the teacher remarked, “She’s an independent thinker, that one.” And that’s my dilemma.

Do I impose my preferences on my child or let her find her own way?

When told my parents I didn’t want to eat meat anymore, they pretty much exploded. They were not going to have it. They were not going put up with any dietary nonsense or prepare special meals. I was to eat what everyone else was eating. End of story . . . and then they calmed down and set conditions:

I would be responsible for cooking all my own meals and ensuring that I ate sufficient protein at every one;
I was to prepare written report on vegetarian nutrition and protein before I would be allowed to stop eating meat;
I would be expected to use my own money to purchase any special foods not available at the supermarket (This was before tofu and soy milk were commonly found in a mainstream grocery story).

I didn’t back down. In fact, my parents’ opposition probably did more to solidify my adolescent commitment to vegetarianism than deter me from making an inconvenient lifestyle choice. It took almost two decades before my husband and I decided that we should make our respective families’ lives easier by agreeing to eat fish when we visited.

Back to my daughter . . .

My husband and I never really discussed raising a vegetarian; we simply assumed it. Our vegetarianism is not a religious choice. And, for me, it’s less even of a moral choice than a political one. I opted out of a system I couldn’t support, but I never objected to consuming animals for food, not on principle anyway.

However, we never really addressed the reasons for our vegetarianism with our preschooler. Perhaps we went wrong there, but I didn’t want to expose my daughter to the horrors of factory farming and I still don’t. I’d like to shield her, even just a little longer, from the some of cruelty that humans can inflict on people and animals alike. I always expected that we would address those issues as they came up naturally (Say when we read Charlotte’s Web for the first time).

From a practical perspective, I’m not even sure I can force my daughter to bend to my will on this one. I could make lunch a royal battle, forbid Maya from eating cafeteria food, and tell the teacher to let her go hungry if she leaves her lunch in her locker. But what does she learn from that? We could teach her more about where her food comes from with the hope that she’d choose vegetarianism over hot lunch. But 4-year-olds don’t do nuanced moral arguments – you’re either a good guy or a bad guy. If we convince her that eating meat is bad, how to we teach her that her non-vegetarian classmates are not, by extension, also bad?

Our school faculty assures us that the cafeteria food is actually quite good – locally sourced, even – and I’m not ready to force the factory farming discussion. So for the time being, we’re letting our daughter decide what she eats, at least at school. What would you do?

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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Sarah M.

3:40PM PST on Feb 16, 2012

It certainly is a dilemma. It seems that "hot" food is part of the issue. It is difficult to keep lunches hot, but they do have lots of nifty ways to help with that these days. I'm a vegan, and plan on raising my children as such. I would get creative to find any way I could of keeping my children eating a vegan diet because it is best for their health and the environment--those are topics I would emphasize with young children before they are ready to learn about the moral issues surrounding animal product consumption.

send a green star

Margaret M.

11:09PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

The rest of my comment below is... Out of your home when she is with you &/or your husband, she doesn't eat meat, unless her doing so will result in a major uproar. I'm no expert on raising children by any means, however, I can candidly tell you what it is like to be sentenced 'different' by your peers & the torment caused by the bullies because you are. I wish you much luck & thank-you for reading this.

11:06PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

Thank-you for you candid article Jennifer. Cynthia H. made some very valid points, Alison hit the nail on the head with her first paragraph. When I grew up there wasn't any pre-school, school started in kindergarten. Children can, intentionally or not, be very cruel. My hometown was very cliquey & starting in kindergarten (literally) each child was 'sized-up' & for those who made the grade (no pun intended) you sailed through to high school graduation with support from friends. And for those of us who didn't prove ourselves there were thirteen rough years lying ahead of us. You didn't dare to be different & being different made you an easy target for bullying & the more different you were made you a bigger prey for the bullies. You said you checked with the school & that they get the food from local farmers & you are comfortable with the meats/meals served in the cafeteria of your daughter's school. Not having meat usually means over-cooked, waterlogged, mushy & disgusting veges. How would a compromise between you & your mate & your daughter be that would keep it simple for all? Would it work for her to be allowed to eat the hot meat plus meals at school & whenever she is not with you. As she gets older & the birthday parties & other social gatherings start she won't have to worry about being different. She can relax, be herself, & fit in. Out of your home when she is with you &/or your husband, she doesn't eat meat, unl

Cynthia H.

8:47PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

You have made a decision on how you will eat based on information that is important to you. You should share the information with your child - talk about there is no difference between eating beef than eating Fido - and explain in the least possible graphic terms what happens for a cow to go from the field eating grass to someone's plate. Learn how your child feels after hearing the information and having a little time to think about it.

Without being a "because I say so" parent, you can lay down rules just as your parents did (which I think was really great - except having to pay for your food - that is wrong and disrespectful of your feelings - a long thought process I'll leave off this response.) Perhaps the "hot lunch" is the issue. Perhaps it is eating the school service (which you could address with the powers that be - why can't they serve your child a school meal made up of only the veggies of the day - which you could supplement to make up for the lack of the meat.)

You have a solid basis for your decision to be meat-free, and such a decision is not in any manner abusive to your child. Just as we do not allow our children to munch down candy whenever they please, you do not have to provide your child with animal products.

If your child is not in agreement with abstaining from meat, then I would simply tell the child that you can both agree to disagree, and that when she gets old enough in your opinion to make an informed decision, you can address the

sharon m.

7:16PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

what would you have done if your mom and dad made you eat every hing they ate? or believe the way they do? just as you choose for your self let her she is to young to cook for her self but she sounds like she knows what she wants and you should respect that. she is not even asking you to cook meat she eats it at school

Alison A.

5:27PM PST on Feb 14, 2012

If you make a child's food interesting then they should not need to explore foods which you do not provide, I would wonder if she is being picked on at school for being different because she is not allowed to eat meat.

If not, then it is the child's choice, but at home she would have to eat what everyone else is eating, for two reasons, 1) Teaching a child to be fussy with food will not help them later in life and 2) My home is not a restaurant and the only item on the menu is what I am cooking!

Anne M.

7:44AM PST on Feb 11, 2012

Get over yourself. Political, moral, any fanaticism is violent.

Zuzana K.

5:59AM PST on Feb 11, 2012

I do not have kids nor would I so my opinion may be moot, but I agree with the suggestions to make hot vegetarian lunches. If my kid wanted to eat meat I certainly would not provide the meat for it, (I would not wish to touch it or buy it), and I would be opposed to it because, whilst many said to let them eat what they want for freedom of choice, I'd not let it eat meat because it's a matter of morality - eating meat is supporting murder and this is not a quality I could ever encourage in my hypothetical child.

li Y.

2:07AM PST on Feb 11, 2012

it's very Important for us

Pego R.

12:15AM PST on Feb 10, 2012

Yeesh

CAFO burger. Not what you want your kid eating