You know that Oscar Wilde quote, “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life”? Well sometimes life imitates The Onion and makes you want to Hulk-smash everything.
In response to a court decision that held that it was illegal to ban marriages between same-sex couples in Oklahoma, a state lawmaker wants to — and I’m not making this up — get rid of marriage for everyone in the state. Apparently, Rep. Mike Turner’s constituents are ready to have this discussion.
I want to emphasize that this is 100 percent real. In order to keep gay people from marrying, actual lawmakers are proposing we eliminate marriage entirely.
Turner isn’t just blowing smoke, either. He submitted a bill. Turner has also called for a second vote to ban same-sex marriage, even though, as mentioned previously, a court ruled that the ban was unconstitutional. He said it would give anti-marriage equality lawmakers “an arrow in the quiver.” I’m guessing that means that he wants to give an opportunity for their bigoted bona fides to shine in time for the next election. Super gross.
Critics of Turner’s actions say that it’s just a publicity stunt. Let’s face it. In part, it probably is. I’m a little skeptical that something like this would pass. However, it shows the lengths to which anti-LGBT factions will go to prevent the gays from ruining marriage for the rest of us.
Its interesting, though, what Turner is doing. An argument against same-sex marriage is, in one form or another, that letting people of the same-sex marry somehow devalues the institution. That it will lead to a world-wide orgy in which both man and animals take part equally. It’s silly, but it’s out there.
Turner is actually doing what people like him have been accusing gay people of doing to marriage for years. He is literally devaluing marriage. He’s not just lessening the real, tangible benefits accrued through the state by the virtue of being married. He’s eliminating them.
Just imagine if this sweeps across the country in places that really, really don’t want gay people to marry. Everyone who wanted to marry would have to flock to the handful of states who still allow it, only to come back home and fight to get their relationship some basic respect. Millions of dollars in legal fees would go to estate attorneys, living wills would have to be drawn up, and the faux married couples would never be really sure the courts would enforce those agreements anyway. It would be chaos and anarchy, I tell you!
Wait a minute… I’m flipping on this. This may be the best thing to happen to the marriage equality movement in a long time. I always feel like there is an empathy deficit when it comes to marriage equality. Maybe this will bridge the gap. Come on, heteros! Walk a mile in these Birkenstocks! Down with marriage! Up with empathy!
This could work. Mike Turner, gay hero. I salute you.
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