The other day I was eating lunch at work. Since cheese is delicious, I often bring some string cheese to eat with my peanut butter sandwich. So I whip out my Sargento string cheese, carefully peel off a string and eat it.
Then I immediately threw it up.
See, that cheese is not for me. I’m just your average woman. I didn’t know that I needed something special for my delicate flower of a digestive system. I need lady cheese.
I bet if you’re a lady, you’ve been eating the wrong cheese for decades now. You see, we need very special reduced fat cheese. At least, that’s what this photo published by Sociological Images of Precious’ “Stringsters” would have us believe:
Of course women need separate products! There is no way any man ever would need or want to eat reduced fat cheese! What kind of mad world do you think we live in? Men get real cheese. Women get the crappy reduced fat substitute. That’s just science.
Really, when you think about it, special cheese for women is a good thing. I mean, how else are adult human females supposed to function in society without businesses and the government and society to determine what is good for us?
Frankly, I’m outraged that women don’t have more special products. Think of how much better our lives would be if we just had special girly products for everything!
Here’s my contribution: LadyKnobs.
Ladies, if you’re like me, you have trouble gripping your own doorknob. Our hands are so small and our arms are so weak!
How can we be expected to grasp and operate a doorknob made for a man? This may leave you wondering how we women can regain our power and independence?
Introducing LadyKnobs, the revolutionary doorknob ergonomically designed to fit perfectly in your petite palm. Say goodbye to those embarrassing, can’t-get-into-your-house moments forever.
LadyKnobs: Coming to a store near you!
Or we could just stop sexist gender labeling that perpetuates society’s obsession with reducing women to their physical appearance. That’s always another option.