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Pope: Women Will Never Become Priests

Pope: Women Will Never Become Priests

The Catholic Church is under attack. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s pretty bad. Who, you may ask, is threatening the very existence of this great and ancient religion? It’s coming from the inside.

For a while now, Austrian priests have been a thorn in Pope Benedict’s paw. How dare they? And these Austrian priests are basically doing the worst thing ever. That’s right: there is a contingent of Austrian priests who are advocating for the ordination of women in the Catholic Church.

It’s okay. Go ahead; sit down. It’s pretty scandalous. I’ll go fetch the smelling salts.

But, according to Reuters, the Pope isn’t having it. Because the Church is never wrong about anything ever:

In his response to the Austrian group, his first in public, Benedict noted that, in its “call to disobedience”, it had challenged “definitive decisions of the Church’s magisterium (teaching authority) such as the question of women’s ordination …”

He then restated the position by citing a major 1994 document by his predecessor John Paul II that stated that the ban on women priests was part of the Church’s “divine constitution.”

A year later in 1995, the Vatican’s doctrinal department, which the current pope then headed when he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, ruled that the teaching on an exclusively male priesthood had been “set forth infallibly,” meaning it could not be changed.

Oh right! Infallibility! Like when the Church was totally right about geocentrism! Also? Jesus only hung out with dudes, therefore women are totally unworthy of being priests.

The Catholic Church has really been on a roll lately against people with a basic sense of fairness. Only this week, they reprimanded nuns for being too charitable towards the poor and not hateful enough toward gay people and sluts getting abortions. How could they use their faith to make the lives of people better?

Lest you be willing to overlook a little harmless misogyny, remember this: in 2010, the Pope was not only implicated in covering up child sex abuse, the Catholic Church decreed that “attempted ordination” of women is one of the most serious crimes in ecclesiastical law (on par with child sex abuse).

At least I’ll always know where my vagina and I stand in the eyes of the Lord.

Related Stories:

Pope Says American Nuns Too Focuses on Poor, Not Enough on Gay Bashing

Catholic Church Abuses, Another State Launches Investigation

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Image credit: Wikimedia Commons

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270 comments

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8:30AM PDT on Jun 14, 2012

Of course not, Lord preserve us if we ever were to practice equality of all human beings in the eyes of God. Lord help us if we ever were to actually follow the teachings and example of Jesus. Lord help us if we actually practice kindness. SARCASM

8:57PM PDT on May 11, 2012

God Bless The Pope!

3:16AM PDT on May 7, 2012

Dear Ed, feeling better after your 24th April rant? I disagree with the Pope's authority (I'm Church of England myself) however women were created equal but different to men, I firmly believe in women taking a complementary role to men. Only if men are not forthcoming should women take their role (ie look at Deborah in the Book of Judges).
Jesus challenged the accepted status for women in His time (they were expected to stay at home): by allowing them to travel with, and minister to, Him and His disciples. It does not mean that He would necessarily approve of women taking on a man's role.

10:34PM PDT on Apr 27, 2012

This is a surprise to everyone? To these men women are objects, nothing more. How do they really feel about Mary?

7:58AM PDT on Apr 26, 2012

Its about time to take the Catholic Church's 501 3-c number and all of them convert to Christianity.

11:06PM PDT on Apr 25, 2012

Most religions are oppressive and interested only in their status-quot and keeping the power over people. No one needs a church to know that there is AWARENESS/GOD/HIGHER SPIRIT/...

2:28AM PDT on Apr 25, 2012

Women can have a completely legitimate and equal calling to serve God and their church just as much as men can. I am more and more discouraged by the actions of the Catholic church. They show, more often than not, that the leaders of the church and their internal bureaucracy have lost their way, and lost it a long time ago. Nuns are supposed to hate instead of help? divide their communities instead of turning the other cheek and offering a safe haven of non-judgment and love?

2:26AM PDT on Apr 25, 2012

What is Catholicism scared of? Would Jesus want, or teach this? No!

5:59PM PDT on Apr 24, 2012

sounds to me like the hypocrits in the catholic church don't know a thing about what Christ taught.I do and i agree with him and i'm not even christian.The ctholic church is just another organization of rich haters .That must be why the GOP loves them.Besides how can you trust a Nazi that calls himself a holy man or a religious organization that fabricated fake passports for Nazi war criminals to give them safe passage to Brazil.Yeah thats right!! research it

1:04PM PDT on Apr 24, 2012

Who cares what he thinks, if you are still catholic, time to change religion....

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