US Government Denies Mermaids Exist
There’s no such thing as a mermaid…or so the government would have you believe.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association suspiciously posted an article last Tuesday stating that while mermaids were written about by ancient Greeks and the aboriginal people of Australia, there just isn’t any evidence that they exist.
“But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found,” the article said, as if a complete lack of any evidence of the existence of mermaids was some kind of relevant detail.
Some reporters have speculated that the denial is related to an upswing in interest following Animal Planetl’s Mermaids: The Body Found, a purportedly fake documentary about what mermaids would be like if they were “real.” But that makes no sense. With literally millions of species of animals on Earth, why would Animal Planet make up a documentary about a creature that nobody has ever seen any evidence of? Why wouldn’t they instead devote their valuable air time covering, say, the ongoing Holocene extinction. That would be wildly irresponsible, wouldn’t it?
At any rate, while the NOAA may have put up a denial on their website, it is something of a non-denial denial. While they say that no evidence of mermaids have been found, they don’t say anything about mermen, nor do they state flatly that mermaids don’t exist. Indeed, they go on to say, “Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? Thatís a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists.”
Or maybe it’s because mermaids are real, and they’re the ones who built the pyramids. Hey, it’s possible, right? What, it isn’t? Well, so you say — but that’s just what you’d say if there was a huge conspiracy to keep evidence of mermaids from reaching the general public.
Well played, NOAA. Well played.
Image Credit: E.E. Piphanes