Top 10 Terrible Toys

I don’t know about you, but I seem to remember toys being fairly innocent when I was a kid. Maybe not as innocuous as Laura Ingalls’ corncob doll, Susan, but at least my perpetually high-heeled Barbie didn’t look as if she might be employed by someone named Huggy Bear.

As I’ve been shopping for my kids this year, I have come across some truly surprising things-they’re-calling-toys. My secret irreverent inner-self may be getting a bit (or a lot) of a kick here and there, but some of these are really pretty shocking. Here are ten that inspired dramatic dropped jaws and wide-eyed double takes.

Hannibal Lecter Action Figure
Nothing says, “Hey kids, let’s play!” like a cannibalistic serial-killer doll. Especially one that comes strapped in a secure transport gurney and includes a removable mask! One can only wonder what kind of action is supposed to be performed with the pyschopath action figure. Endless rounds of “have an old friend for dinner”?

Manufacturer recommended age: 17 months and up. Gulp.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Anne G.

10:20PM PST on Dec 1, 2012

I like the Hannibal Lector doll, just rather think 17 years and up might be more appropriate.

December 1
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aj E.

11:53AM PST on Dec 1, 2012

what people won't think of to make money.

Beth C.

11:46AM PST on Dec 1, 2012

Wouldn't you have loved to have been a fly on the wall during the pitches of each of these "toys?" I can just picture it--"I have an idea for this year's hottest, must have toy and you are not going to believe that no one has ever thought of this before! What could be cuter than a set of pee and poo plush dolls for that special child in your life to call their very own? Imagine the shouts for joy on Christmas morning--oh, wait, are the kids screaming in fear? Oh, no they just got a glimpse of the prototype of the Hannibal Lecter action figure..."

Natasha L.

10:22PM PST on Nov 25, 2012

Whoever thought of the "bodily fluids" plushes is obviously not a parent or teacher. I can't even see a parent using this item as a visual aid for potty training. Somehow, I don't feel deprived because my parents bought me a teddy bear to sleep with...

And really, a Hannibal action figure? Who's next, Jack the Ripper?

The best way to get stuff like this off the shelves is to not buy it.

November 25
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Andrea G.

6:11PM PST on Jan 10, 2012

The virus plushies along with Pee & Poo I have a serious problem with. The Hannibal Lector thing really just cracks me up - who thought THAT up???? And while I certainly wouldn't buy my 8 year old girl "Hooker Barbie" and the Punisher clearly could have been thought out better in terms of his transformation, I don't really have a problem with the rest. Yeah, I don't personally want to dissect a frog, but there are young scientists who can't wait for 7th grade biology because that's what they're really interested in. And the toy cadillac? Its for a 2 or 3 year old to drive around in and giggle - not meant as a "learning toy". If parents have money to buy that, good for them.

January 10
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peggy p.

12:48AM PST on Dec 31, 2011

Euuuuuuu

December 31
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Maria Cristina A.

5:01AM PST on Dec 23, 2011

Gruessomeness "à la carte"! Great! lol

December 23
send a green star

Zion R.

12:34AM PST on Dec 22, 2011

Aack. *SMH* Why. I guess the manufacturers got tired of the conservative and intellectual yet fun toys...

December 22
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Pam C.

1:26PM PST on Dec 19, 2011

I so know a grown up 'boy' who'll love finding this beauty under the tree. On the other hand, this may be an excellent illustration of what happens when you let a computer design a toy and don't have the will power to say no to said computer.