11 Things You Should Never Say To a Caregiver

By Anne-Marie Botek, AgingCare.com Editor

Some things simply shouldn’t be said.

When they come from people who don’t know what someone else is going through, even well-intentioned comments and questions can be frustrating and hurtful.

Cindy Laverty, caregiver coach, radio talk show host, and author of, “Caregiving: Eldercare Made Clear and Simple,” offers examples of phrases that can leave caregivers thinking, “Did she really just say that?”

1. “Why are you having such a hard time being a caregiver?” Usually voiced by someone who has never been a caregiver for an elderly loved one, this question can be very difficult for a caregiver to hear. As Laverty points out, it effectively takes their role of providing care for a loved one, and diminishes it.

2. “Gosh…we haven’t seen you in such a long time. Why don’t you get out more?” Though it probably comes from a place of love, Laverty points out that this can be an unproductive way to express concern for a friend or family member who is a caregiver. “The truth is that most caregivers do need to get out more, but this is an insensitive way of saying it,” she says.

3. “You look really tired. Are you making sure to take care of yourself?”Caregivers generally have a good reason for looking tired and haggard—because they are. “The biggest issue for caregivers is that they tend to sacrifice personal care—it’s the first thing that goes,” Laverty says. Caregivers look tired because they are not getting enough sleep, they spend their nights worrying and making sure their loved one doesn’t wander. But, that doesn’t mean that they appreciate having that fact pointed out to them.

11 Things You Should Never Say To a Caregiver originally appeared on AgingCare.com.

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Read more: Caregiving, Family, Friendship, Healthy Aging, Life, Relationships, emotional well-being, keeping friendships healthy, what not to say

Jim F.

10:16AM PDT on Aug 8, 2012

It is good to think of CAREGIVERS. No one knows how difficult it can be, even when caring for someone you love dearly, a parent, a child, a husband or wife. Everyone seems to forget how stressful it is for anyone to be a caregiver.

Those who are CAREGIVERS are a blessing to all.

August 8
send a green star

Shawn P.

9:34AM PDT on Aug 4, 2012

Sometimes people just don't know the right thing to see, and I'm sure many well-meaning people have said to themselves, " Open mouth, insert foot!!"

August 4
send a green star

g d c.

4:10PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

how does one respond when constantly asked "how is your "relative"?" who is quite elderly, no longer mobile and in a nursing home, and has been for several years...

they are obviously not well...